When a Millionaire Reveals Her Truth | Nichole Lynel
In this episode, @nicholelynel is so vulnerable, so raw, so candid, that you can't help but look at yourself in the mirror and wonder why you are not living in your truth as she is. She shares her story of being the daughter of a drug addict, creating boundaries, going against the grain to reach millionaire status, and creating "My Fashion Fairytale."
We talk about the dark side of entrepreneurship, the "watch outs" when building your team, showing up when you don't feel like it, and what it takes to be a boss with real responsibilities.
She reminds us that we all need a "Girl Squad" to keep us in check, and to make sure we never lose sight of how dope we are. Doing life alone has never been her motto, which is why she was a perfect fit for this Series.
In this episode:
03:08 - What Are Some Common Bad Habit in Business
04:23 - How To Build a Team When Starting a Business
09:50 - How to Build a Family Culture
13:52 - The Misconceptions About Entrepreneurship
26:44 - How To Work With Celebrities
30:51 - The Impact of Personal Branding on Career Success
32:49 - The Significance of Coaching When Building Your Business
39:29 - How to Handle Mean Spirited People
Purchase Nichole's book: https://www.amazon.com/My-Fashion-Fairytale-Nichole-Lynel/dp/1734234652
Follow Our Guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicholelynel
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Full Transcript:
We are here for another episode and I'm so pumped of course for all of my guests all of my guests are amazing but this one is a woman who I have been admiring from afar because we've never met it's always been social media that's how I found her that's how we connected and she's just a bombass boss chick and you guys will see what I mean she has managed to build an incredible Fashion Boutique become a multi-millionaire and I'm talking about none other than Nichole Lynel hi beautiful hi look at you gorgeous one of my favorite outfits of yours you always look so cute when you have your big poofy ensembles on cuz you're so so adorable um well I just first want to start with saying thank you and expressing my gratitude for coming on the series and for really just being an example of what it means to support other women so quick behind the scenes Nicole and I have never met in person and we just know each other through social media and I sent an email you know a DM to her letting her know I was doing this series and immediately she resp responded and was down to be on this and and this is how it works this is how simple it can be to just support another woman so I just want to say thank you thank you thank you for being you and for being on the series so I have a lot I want to chat with you about I've had the chance to review your bio and of course have been following your journey on the gram and I want to start with first saying how are you how's La um today La is rainy and I'm good I'm healthy so I know we're all going crazy which I am too but today I'm good I take it in waves yes yes I'm good right now yes good good good I'm glad to hear it okay so you've managed to build an Empire with your boutique you've managed to become a multi-millionaire create you know million in revenue and I want to talk about the side of the business that a lot of folks don't talk about so I want to get in into a little bit of the gray a little bit of the dark side of running your own business and my first question is what is a bad habit of yours in business ah bad habit of M oh my gosh I just talked about this a bad habit of mind is sometimes I care too much and I found that a lot of the times I wasn't putting myself first or what's best for my business first and that has led to a lot of Heartache because you have to make those tough decisions and if you're not putting yourself first um you know I just mentioned this like that person is thinking about them and you're thinking about them and no one's thinking about you so that will fall by the wayside another um bad habit I am not the most organized person I am messy desk and my assistants probably are like like I'm like a tornado like I literally come in there and I throw samples everywhere and clothes and fabric I'm just like and then I leave okay so which brings me to my next question I wanted to talk about building a team because you've managed to build this business with a strong team but I know that always has hasn't been easy so can you talk a little bit about team building and the significance around that and also share some not so pleasant things that have happened as you were building your team um so I feel like I I've like had this whole dream of like I'm gonna build this and then they will come and it's gonna be amazing and then I found out that no one almost no one is going to care about your business the way that you do and I also wasn't the best Communicator at first like I would think something and then I would just expect people to know that doesn't work also you can't be lazy and I feel like I have really ingrained that in my team that this is not just um me here like this may be my business but this is your resume so if you want to work somewhere and you want to go somewhere else I know that when I was younger I worked at Nordstroms and the fact that I had Nordstroms on my resume got me in the door to pretty much any other job that involved customer service because they said wow she's worked for this company for years and they have this reputation so if you're here and this looks like a piece of crap company and you go somewhere else and put that on your resume how's that going to look like we're all in this together don't you want to leave and or not not leave but when you leave or when you go on to do whatever you do don't you want to work somewhere that you're proud of I remember going out with one of my girlfriends and at the time I was doing like bot service and modeling or whatever and people would ask her what she did and she was absolutely amazing and then they would ask what I did and I remember that lump in my throat where I'm at this huge conference and I don't want to say what I do because I don't really you know feel great about it especially getting older and I'm like don't you want to work somewhere and feel great about it and have a great reputation and be so excited to say that you're here another thing that I do though is I create an amazing work environment like you guys get to learn everything I'm learning on my dime like it might be stressful when we're at the office but y'all clock out and go home I have to deal with whatever whatever has happened so that's been a whole thing but I haven't amazing team I love my office I miss it so much right now like I miss them they're like we're like a family and I love it but you have to be very careful who you bring into the family or around the family because bad habits can be very contagious especially when you have a small team so if someone is off someone's not pulling their weight and they're getting away with it everyone else is watching and that can totally take over because I get a lot of people who are like oh I would love to come work for you because they think we do this all day we just sit around in fluffy dresses and then there's actual work and no everybody's not here to work like that everybody wants to be the boss until they have to pay the cost right look I don't know about you but I'm trying to work smarter instead of harder you know what I mean I'm trying to secure these coins with less effort but more or return you hear me what if I told you there was a way for you to make your entire salary your five your six figure salary within months what if I told you there was a way for you to package your expertise where you can sell it to corporate and government agencies and go after lucrative five and six figure contracts so that you can secure the big my most popular Mastermind right now is on sale we're running a crazy flash sale 90% off and this master class specifically focuses on how you can secure lucrative five and six figure contract even if you don't know what to sell and haven't started your business yet I'm going to show you how to identify what your no-brainer offer is so nobody can say no honey I'm going to help you think about how to pit yourself how to package your expertise I'm going to show you the email scripts that I use to lock in meetings with hard to to reach Executives this is golden y'all it is the same framework that I use right now currently in my business as a consultant and a keynote speaker that gets flown out to speak all around the world honey and if I can do it so can you and this master class is going to break down the stepbystep process that you can follow So within the next 90 days you can have your first five and six figure corporate or government contract I mean what are you waiting for y'all I put the link in the show note The Flash sale is only going on for the next 48 hours so make sure you rush to the link in my show notes so that you can take advantage of this sale and we can secure the big bag together if fact Chavo out here y'all let's go and get it exactly exactly so how have you been able to build this culture of family with your team like what have you done to do that um one thing is a positive work environment and I let them know what I expect I know like I said in the beginning communication was off so every time I was disappointed or I felt like things weren't going the way that I wanted to is because I wasn't communicating what I expected this is what I expect from you and I'm right here with you because I feel like anyone who's in entrepreneurship or around someone who's a boss you respect it more when you see that person going hard now if I'm going hard and I'm giving 15 % and I'm killing myself and you're just sitting over here looking at me that's not going to work so I feel like that inspires them uh my accountant just cut me off from amazing snacks but we have a beautifully stocked refrigerator I love a positive work environment I love good music I will make you walk outside if you walk into my office with a bad attitude whatever is going on outside of here leave it at the door when you're in here I'm going to give you good energy so you give me good energy because we have a lot to do and I'm not going to get that bad energy on my clothes definitely not so do you have an example of a time where you brought somebody in and they weren't a good fit for your team and how you you know we first started this interview with me asking you a bad habit and you said you care too much so did that get in the way of you reprimanding or iring somebody because you have this Purity to you um you have example of that um yes I totally thought I could bring somebody on or around thinking that they would have the same work ethic or they may have been you know on the outside it all seemed good but then when they got there it was giving K my feet up and it's the home girl hangout and we're just like good and it it wasn't and I had a lump in my throat and I was uncomfortable coming to work and I felt off meanwhile I'm the one paying all the bills and I refuse to be in my office or and not feel good about it like I don't want to be somewhere and be uncomfortable so I had to force myself to have a tough conversation and that is really really hard and sometimes all not lost sometimes you just didn't say what you wanted and that person didn't know any better and I feel like so often especially with women especially with women of color sometimes you have to let people know what is um helpful and it and it's not coming from a place of you're a bad person or you're not right you just have to say what you expect and that's how I break it down for my team members when they're off because maybe they don't know maybe you don't know like I had to tell an assistant before like I should never look over and you're on your phone big chilling while I'm working because if you think even if I'm not working you're paid to be here and to do a job and you need to do it because this is practice for your business if you think that you're going to leave here and become some amazing boss when you're lazy here when you don't have any responsibility that can be further from the truth this is your practice this is your lunching pad this is your resume and we had to turn that relationship sh around so can you talk about some raw truths as it relates to entrepreneurship because I find that people find it glamorous from the outside looking in and not really understanding what it actually takes to run a business and actually have a million dollar Revenue so can you talk a little bit about uh the misconceptions around entrepreneurship okay um you're going to lose your whole mind because because you think that like I had this goal my first goal was to sell over a million dollars in my first year that's a great goal right then you do it and then you have million doll problems or not even million dollar problems but now you've tasted it so now you want to do more and all of the effort you put all of your heart into something and now you realize you need to top that when you barely have anything left when that's what got you there so now you're projected and you're looking how do I double this and that is a completely different type of pressure it will make you not sleep at night you will not you will either eat overeat not eat hi oh my Boo's on here sorry got it will make you um it will make you crazy it Demands a different level every level that you get there's different devils there's different bills there's different expectations from you it just is a different beast and I feel like everyone thinks that it's sweet because they see a office and pictures and all of these things but look where we are right now we're in a whole crisis and you have to step up and be a leader there's no crying for you there's no shutting down for you if not it it can all be over and it wasn't just like that now that's a daily thing like I can't just decide tomorrow oh I don't feel like it there's no I don't feel like it when you have a business there's pressure if I'm off everyone is going to feel it not only me but my employees their families it goes in a whole like thing I think everybody has it kind of messed up especially recently I was just thinking about levels right I had got down on myself thinking like you know what maybe I shouldn't have went so big if I was still in my second bedroom this would not feel the same way as it does right now where I have a commercial lease where I have employees payroll I have all these responsibilities maybe I should have just played it small but I have amazing friends and family who like slap me up my side my head like no you cannot forget who you are and you cannot forget what God called you to do but getting up every day and I'm not saying this sometimes I'm talking about every single day and going after that that takes pressure that takes resilience and that takes being smart and it's just a whole another thing that nobody really can prepare you for because everyone's Journey will be different what worked for me may not work for someone else and you have to get up and do that and try it and fail and lose money and get up and do it again every single day and where do you think that work ethic came from um I believe that came from a few things I had a mother who was absolutely amazing my grandmother and but I also had a mom who battled add and I realized when my mom came around my real birth mom came around and she asked for stuff I noticed how people treated her I noticed the lump that I of embarrassment I got in my throat and then I saw the vast difference with my grandmother who got up and went to work every day she had a husband she had a home and she maybe didn't have to work she worked extra hard for the extras that we had but she still did it and she did it amazing and beautifully and that came for it and I have never wanted to feel whether that's a man whether that's a job I never wanted to have that feeling where you're where somewhere you're in a position that you don't want to be in for the money so that's where that really came from so you grew up with your grandmother yeah okay cool um and and what was life like then um life was good but it was very confusing using because my parents didn't really talk about my birth mom as much so I would see her in passing but I always kind of longed for her and that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me now full circle now that I have a book and I kind of worked through it I realized that it was all happening for me but at the time I didn't feel good about it you know I I'm with my grandparents they're older there's a whole generational Gap I grew up in a house where we didn't even have cable like I had to watch all the movies listen to all the rap songs once I got older because I used to sneak to like I have an uncle who's more like a brother but my uncle's room and like listen to what's going on but my parents listen to Luther and we did all the you know we cut up cheese and salami and rode down the coast on the weekends it was just a different vibe than if I had like younger parents yeah yeah and is that mainly what your book is about going through that type of adversary and finding yourself as you grew wiser and older my book is about everything I talk about all the things that nobody says out loud I talk about drug addiction I talk about abuse I talk about sexual abuse I talk about um mental abuse I talk about navigating life when you don't have all the proper tools in your toolbox we all associate success and what ever with money and we think if somebody has money then they were just okay and I had a beautiful life but things were not all the way sweet for me so what brought you to writing the book for that reason I wish that I had read something like this when I was younger so that I know that things were going to be okay because it didn't feel like at the time it was going to be okay for me you know like I thought my best option was my parents are you go to school you get married you get a house you retire this is your life and I always had that feeling inside like no I want to wear fluffy dresses and I want to have this whole fabulous life but for me when I saw business owners and men and um and not men but millionaires it was always associated with a man or nobody that really looked like me when I opened up the magazines and I love fashion and all these things there wasn't really a girl next door Brown girl who looked like me at the time and I wish that there was someone who said that story and we don't talk about what addiction does to the people that we love we know what addiction does to the person but if you have loved somebody battling in a an addiction there is just no other feeling and also I um really went through it with that CU my mom put me in some crazy positions when I was about 16 17 I went to live with her and I went through awful things just never realizing the lifestyle that someone has who's going through this and how that could affect me as a kid yeah did you know your dad that was something that I never even said out loud but I have a man on my birth certificate that my mom just put there and it was like her ball and boyfriend at the time and no I don't like there's rumors of who is but I have a dad I have a my grandfather father who I absolutely adore who is the love of my life and had showed me what a man is supposed to be and what that looks like like I am so blessed that I have a love like that that that void is wasn't the one but we never that's another reason I I wrote the book because we talk about fatherless a lot but it does no one has ever really talked to me about what motherless looks like and the one person who birthed you the one person in the world who was supposed to love you more than anybody is absent right that is like a whole thing that nobody is I don't I didn't have access to that book coming up yeah well first shout out to our grandparents for loving us and being there for us so you said that and thank you for being so vulnerable right now um I think that it's important for us to have these conversations so that as you stated so beautifully other people can see examples you grew up with no examples in terms of seeing women who look like you in the magazines and millionaires who are women so where did you get your inspiration to be that difference that you didn't see in the world um I just started going for it I know was social media that definitely opened it opened up our eyes but I thought why not I already know what broke feels like I already know what it looks like so watch my parents who both had you know six six fig incomes and what that looked like because we all assume that money is going to like change it but I realized my mom woke up at six o'clock in the morning to get me dressed and I was the last kid at daycare and by the time I it's so crazy like I can literally see her office from my view now it's so weird but she picked me up I'm the last kid at daycare and to come into this world like un wanted it was just like a whole like full circle moment and we all just think like our like mindsets are so warped on what success looks like and when I saw other people kind of going for I'm like why not me you know what let me get in here and try to do something because doing nothing I already know what this looks like so let me try to go for it and results I'm a very results driven person and and nothing will make you respect yourself more than when you complete something and once I completed one thing that was it and you can't stop me now once I think about it so you mentioned your mom's office across is across from where you are now um it's in there it's like yeah it's in the view of downtown LA so do you guys have a relationship now my grandmother oh no I when I say my mom I'm calling my grandmother oh okay okay okay but no me and my mom um we my birth mom we do have a relationship but I have to set boundaries I noticed that money was a problem for us my mom felt like my success I owed her something and she would feel like wow you're successful and your mom is doing like this and I had to really check myself like look you didn't raise me and you weren't here for me so I don't owe you anything and you're the mom not me I should be coming to you and you're always coming to me and I know a lot of us deal with that with guilt whether that's friends or family but if you've built something you don't ow that's what my favorite chapter in my book is I don't owe nobody's [ __ ] like I don't I'm not doing that anymore where I would literally be like I don't like have a word loss for word right now enabling her so now that I'm paying bills now that I'm giving you money you're able you're not going to you're not going to stop you're still drinking you're still doing all the things because I'm enabling you and and that's not fair to me because I feel guilty now and I had to set boundaries with her but I if you read it there is in retrospect I had to be honest with her when she wrote that when I was writing the book she was so scared because she believed that I was GNA be bashing her because how I felt and I'm like no it's not to bash you because I've realized everyone is just doing the best that they can honestly like our parents our friends our family they're just doing the best that they can and I know that if things would have been different for her our relationship might have been different but if I could I write a letter to her where I'm saying if I could save you I would and if you could see yourself how I see you things probably would be different but my mom hasn't saved herself so there was no way she could come back and save me yeah uh and shout out to everybody in the comments right now the book is called my fashion fairy tale so go pick it up check it out yes look at that gorgeous picture that's the picture we had to make sure to use on the graphic too just so gorgeous um okay so now I want to turn the conversation to how does it feel when celebrities reach out to you to style them I know you worked with Lauren London you worked with badass B like how how does that feel it feels amazing like I still like trip out on something that I dreamed up in my mind it goes so far to where a celebrity or a bride or someone graduating from college would want to have that memory and that moment in something that I just dreamed up and that like absolutely amazing this is why I do this because I know what it feels like to you know question myself and I know when a woman puts herself together we're like superheroes and how we put on our clothes or we our accessories that's like our Cape to go out into the world and do amazing things so I have to like that's my purpose I know when I was younger I would always think like I didn't have a talent because I couldn't sing or dance or like those things but actually this is my purpose and this is my calling is to create things to make women feel beautiful me I need your help look the real game behind podcast is we need to really understand our demo AKA you our audience so that when we go out to sponsors who help us put on this amazing show and deliver this content to you that they can clearly understand who we serve and what is significant to you and what you value and the only way for us to get that information is for you to give it to us so we just created this survey I'll put it in the show notes it will take you less than 3 minutes literally but it will be so helpful for us to get a better understanding of what it is that you care about what's important to you what do you value so that when we're out in these streets trying to secure the big bag and get sponsors for this show they know exactly who our audience is and what you care about so we can bring you the best products we can bring you the best organizations that are out here serving the Cultura the community you so please take a moment and fill out the survey I'll link it in the show notes appreciate you so and that is beautiful so you're your business model is a little different it's not like um a fashion Nova for example yours definitely more Boutique and more customization do you feel like you've made it harder on yourself because you've chosen that lane versus the more traditional Lane where you are able to produce in volume versus make things custom um I feel like I do both but I'm so happy that you said that because I'm very hard on myself myself and trying to Brand myself and be different because I could literally have the same item as a fashion Nova or another Boutique but I do it my way and I tell a story and that's what branding is all about and that's what I love and what I'm really here for but I'm very hard on myself when it comes to that because I think it's important and the way that you do things and the way that you put yourself out there it means something and there's an AR to it it's not just you know quick and easy and cheap looking you can like I come from I feel like a different era when you were not excited to say you got your clothes at Rainbow I remember you were you didn't when somebody asked you where you got it you didn't wantan to you weren't shouting that you only paid $99 or $9.99 for it you oh I got this I don't remember like I want that Vibe I want you to walk in and get something from my Boutique and be able to put it on with your pieces and have it next to you know your other designers and it goes like who want like I want women to get out of that like who wants to be proud of looking cheap talk about it you can buy things that are not expensive but you don't have to look cheap on purpose right so a lot of your success behind the boutique is you you the brand when did you decide that that was going to be the strategy you wanted to follow I mean you model your own clothing um so I very few models I've ever seen wear your pieces um so talk to me about that and why you decided to pursue that lane um first photo shoot initially with my first business uh the models didn't show up so had to jump in and I found over time even when I use models now nothing sells like me I I I've literally was working with my photographer the other day and he was like it's amazing because I don't have to talk you through it I have been on both sides of the camera I can literally look at the photo and I know what I want to give and I feel like that sort of thing is what resonates with my customer and also seeing a real person in the clothes like not everybody is tall and slim and you know has these mannequin body parts like that's just not realistic you're going to be sad every time you buy it and get it in the mail like sometimes women want to see stuff on a real woman with a real body and that's who my target market is and that's what resonates with her and that's what works so why fight it I just do what works for me yeah so can we right now get kind of your your signature move with the hair yes Dar I love you do that I'm like that is like so much a part of your brand like if that's not happening something going on there's something wrong there's something wrong I wanted to talk about coaches so a lot of folks have the misconception that you know if you have created a certain level of success for yourself achieved a certain level of success for yourself that you are not getting help that it's all you and I would love for you to talk about how you have business coaches and just women and other people that you've worked with that have guided you through this process and talk about the significance of that so so I feel like when things fell apart for me I have a good friend Ronnie Brown She coached me I have my Lily from um according to Lily on Instagram these are like my business besties I have tons of women uh my friend Melissa she's like amazing so I surround myself with women that are absolutely amazing and I remember Ronnie saying like ask for tax returns and think of it as people you wouldn't mind Trading places with I feel like you don't necessarily always like need someone but it's great to talk to people who've been in your position and have made a way and done real things I don't tend to look so much at numbers and followers and all that I want to see results what have you actually done what business do you do you have what businesses have you built and I look at that and that those are the people that really pour into me also I work really hard and I try really hard and I always use the metaphor of when you're pushing a car if you're just standing next to your car nobody's going to stop by and help you but if people see you out pushing that car someone who can help you who's capable is going to jump out and try to help you push that car and that's what exactly what I've done and those are the type of women that I would like to align myself with and how did you meet them were they in your toolbox before you started this or did you meet them along the journey both I have women that have been in my my life like from when I was a kid Melissa she I always admired her that's my best friend and she did amazing stuff with her career that was who I said I used to go to parties with her when she was a financial advisor and I was I had nothing going on so you know who just wants to be the cute friend when she was doing real things in the world and have real connections and I wanted in on that who wants to be you know cute gets played out once you you know I don't want to be the auntie in the cats suit with nothing going on so I had her and then after that really social media before I feel like now I'm like no more brunches because everybody's doing a brunch but um I started speaking and when I would speak I would meet women who we could get off stage and have a rapport and talk about real things that were going on and we could pour into each other it's more of a potluck I would say now I don't want people who are just taking all the time I want people who I can say hey girl this is going on with me we can have an honest conversation we trade tips we do all of the things it's not just like I'm you know it's kind of annoying if you just have someone calling you all the time with problems I have Solutions like I give what I know they tell me what they know and we build from there I social media is really great you'll be surprised look you slid into my DMs I was like hey girl no I was like girl let's create some magic together um and I'm so happy you brought up this point because they actually have a nonprofit which is sponsoring this series the female collaborative and the premise behind it is to revolutionize how women work and do business together by creating opportunity for us to collaborate make money create Magic create Legacy because I find that there's not enough spaces for that to happen in authentic genuine way this is key that that's the part I didn't say that part I never got a seat at the table until I had something to say and I feel like um so many of us are rushing to create relationships when they won't work properly or be authentic when you don't have anything to give and I'm not even talking about like money success what at that level just a listening ears like I have had girls where I'm like hey you want want to learn from me come help me carry these bags downtown and we can walk around very few have actually shown up and done it so understand they don't understand how powerful that is to be in your space and I think also people forget how busy successful people are like this [ __ ] doesn't happen because we have so much free time this happens because we're working so if somebody is offering you the opportunity to spend any type of time whether that's carrying bags to a shoot whether that's you being behind the camera whatever it is and you're able to absorb and be a sponge take full advantage of that opportunity and we all have done it at some point like I feel everyone thinks like oh you know I'm want to be the boss like no no one starts out as the boss okay I have gotten coffee I have drove people around I have taken classes I have been the assistant the intern not gotten paid I've paid my dues because it was a different time like two before social media and all that you had to have a resume and you had to have stuff on it like you just decide you were gonna you had a domain name and all of a sudden you're whoever you are like I feel like social media has created this false expectation and this chip on your shoulder where if you feel like you can access someone they should tell you so you mean I'm supposed to invest all this stuff in myself learn all these hard lessons do all of this cry my eyes out lose everything and then you meet me and I'm just supposed to CH exactly exactly and I think people forget that before you're a leader you're a follower and there is a lot of Merit in following because you need to you mimic the things that people do successfully you don't NE you don't copy you definitely put your own spin on it and you make it your own but in order for you to learn you need to be a student and people forget how important that is um and I want to talk about this next topic because not too many of us do and there's kind of like a false narrative out there especially with all the women empowerment events that happen Etc we've been very lucky to have women in Our Lives who do bring that that that soulfulness into the relationship and remind us of the badass that we are but we also do come across women I know I have that don't come with that Purity and that genuiness and what do you do when you come across those type of women um now I've gotten better now I will say with my first when I got my first laot I was like oh everybody can come over we're friends let's all be friends no they were just looky loose everybody just wanted to come over to see what you have going on and you turn around two weeks later and they got the same thing going on and it's like and then if you feel some type of way about it it's like oh she's a hater and it's like no I want everybody to do their best and be their best and I want us all to be throwing down our platinum or black cards when the bill comes I want all of that for you but I just don't I want you to be the best you you we were just I was just talking about this with the girlfriend like you cannot become someone while they're still alive and a lot of people want They Don't Love You So I have found out that I want to be around people who love um love me for me that don't love me for them because I had a lot of people around me who love me for them their access to me got them around what I was around their access got my connects and they sucked that all dry and then moved on so this time around I prayed for discernment and I listen to myself and I and I think about what somebody is really bringing what type of energy they have do I feel good because I have always always felt that thump and I ignored it because you feel that thump in your the little whisper like hey hey hey watch out that person's not it but my little dumb self I'm like no they just need some love open arm yeah they just need to let me show them what love is and it's like no that person doesn't like you and that's okay because I used to internalize it like why why are they like this and it's like when you are on this journey and everyone is climbing people will claw your eyes out when they're trying to get where they're going because they're in a mode of survival and you might be on a different Journey than they are so they will hurt you in that process and that is okay you just leave them where they are not everybody because you will find some good people I I found that when you are a light you attract both you attract other light and you also attract a lot of darkness and that can be very discouraging because it looks good I've also seen the opposite when um I've seen that when you're on the panel with other powerful women and they treat you one way and then you walk off the stage and you see how they treat other women and I noticed that I I feel like the meme I don't like that like I like that like you know like we're all just because you're on the stage right now doesn't mean that that person is less than you or whatever is the case and look at look what's happening now like this is a big game Cher for a lot of us this is going to show who's excellent who's resilient and nothing really matters but relationships right now and we have to wake up and look at alignment like what is this person really coming around for they're just trying to align themselves and take a picture they don't really care about you and also I've noticed too if someone is in the position to put you on to something and they don't put that little nugget under your cap because there might be something to that because people like you when you're say right I noticed when I was an underdog everybody loved me everybody wanted to hate me no not wanted to hate me wanted to help me right right right right now no I'm just they all wanted to help you know when you're the underdog when you don't have as much going on everybody wants to help you right but when you start to be real competition and you become a regular dog then you might turn into a a top dog the relation it gets weird you know then they turn into kind of I don't like that you know it it doesn't we as women have to start having that conversation of what does that feel like for me I love beautiful boss women that doesn't intimidate me because I'm already whole and I feel like if she can do it not with a negative way I don't look at like if she could do it I could do it I look at like if she can do it I could possibly do this too it's not um why her and not me and I feel like we have a lot of um we we have a lot of that and nobody really talks about it and acknowledges it and I don't like the fan Behavior like I don't want to treat anybody like a fan or whatever or I'm up here and they're down there because look at life like it can literally like that change and you can be right back at the bottom so why do you think that is was that just a a mature Authority that you naturally grew into have you always had it because I find that there are leaps and valleys right I think depending on where you are in life you might find yourself hating on another woman and then you have to check yourself like wait hold on why am I hating on this woman right now and you have to slection I like me offline like I would probably dance around the house in this dress by myself like I like me and and it took I'm also I feel like my 30s that kind of placs into it because you know I had that talk me and my girlfriend were on the beach and we were like girl look at our stomachs like we're on the beach right now like who cares though like we're on the and I love you and I love me like I just love who I am this is the only body that I'm going to have this the only face that I'm going to have well I go and get another new one but if I don't like something I can change it and I love me and her be this woman being beautiful and me being beautiful and successful it's not it doesn't mean anything it doesn't I don't feel her light puts a shadow on me and I don't know really what that is but you have to work on it and catch it early because I notice women I talk about this with my friends all the time like women like women who are not competition like H being honest they like it when there's no competition I'm the opposite I like it like me and my girl like what you doing today okay let's set a goal I'll get there before and it's not a negative competition it's good competition who wants to compete when you don't have a good competitor like I want us to go out and get it these old white men they do it all day and turn around and have drinks at the bar how come for us it has to be different why do you think think it is different because of mindset and insecurity and we have a scarcity mindset honestly women of color minority women black women whatever it is there's usually only one of us in the room or there's only one of us on the show or there's only one of us in the magazine so we only feel like only one of us can make it so that's why we have this thing because it's like okay well if I let her know then she might take my place and that's very uncomfortable for a lot of us whether that's money whether that's resources whatever that is that that is really uncomfortable and it's a thing like for like a lot of women and you have to protect yourself when it's like that because I know I hold back sometimes because you have to pay attention to people's faces when you tell somebody some real good news some bomb good news and that little face is like girl oh yeah and you're like oh the first bace just told you the truth because that's a mirror honestly I tell my friends all the time like it doesn't have anything to do with you it's a mirror when somebody is bomb and beautiful and all of the things that starts to make people feel like what's lacking in my life or I don't have that right and I feel like social media has only Amplified that for other people because we're looking at everybody's highlights and we don't really know what that cost you might not be willing to do what that person did to get where they are and that kind of creates this weird energy and honestly I wouldn't all the way know because I'm not a hater talk about it all right so I want everybody in here to write I love me because I think this is a great opportunity to put that energy out there so everybody on here in the comments write I love me and I want I asked this question of all of my guests on the show and it is why are you a actually before I I I asked this question I wanted to make this comment because I find that women when they become competition or when they are leveling up they sometimes dim their light because they start to feel bad because of what other people start feeling in as a reaction to their success so I want to make sure we make it clear that it's normal for you to feel that way it might creep up on you check it and acknowledge that you are meant to win and you are meant to succeed and you deserve to be happy and you deserve to live in your destiny and in your purpose I want to make sure that is clear because I find that depending on if it's somebody close in your circle if it's IM mediate or sometimes if it's even a stranger we sometimes deter our path or go and create some other Avenue just to make other people comfortable and that's not what you're here for you're here to make you blind them tell them to put their shades on blind them and if they they really love you they'll come around there has been so many times I've had my own a good love friend of mine tell me that like it just seems like it's easier for you and I'm like what like I had to write this book like you think it's all easy for me on the outside because you're comparing some things that don't even matter you don't even know what it costs and one of my good friends always reminds me when I'm feeling some type of way like every dog has its day it's not your turn right now so you're tripping off of um not being on this little thing when you're supposed to be on Ellen one day or you might be on Forbes one day and then it you know I haven't got on Ellen but then the Forbes article comes and you have your day so sometimes that's hard though to sit to know your bomb and to sit there and clap for somebody else when you feel like it's your time that is is hard sometimes but I've never felt like mine wasn't coming and that's what you have to kind of realize but that is hard and natural feeling because I see it all the time and I have my little moments where I'm like oh wow they picked that person and seems like they only picked the same five people and they didn't call but it wasn't my turn right my numbers are my bio my em on my bio all right so here's the question that I asked all my guests um and it is why are you a woman who Roars I am okay I am a woman who Roars because I am Relentless and God put me here for a big purpose there is no way that I was supposed to be here my mom tells me this all the time she's like when I was pregnant with you I did every drug underneath the Sun and you're here so you're a fighter and you must have wanted to be here so how could I have went through all of this and really wanted to be here to grow up and not do anything I love it I love it I love you I need everybody that was on this to go and purchase Nicole's book and if you haven't yet go to her boutique and go get yourself something cute cuz we will be out the house soon Hunty and you want to look fly okay that's all I got to say about that but thank you so much Nicole thank you for being on the series I appreciate you so so much stay dry out in La stay safe stay healthy stay beautiful and stay humble and pure I love your energy thank you Mama so much bye bye look I don't know about you but I'm trying to work smarter instead of harder you know what I mean I'm trying to secure these coins with less effort but more return you hear me what if I told you there was a way for you to make your entire salary your five your six figure salary within months what if I told you there was a way for you to package your expertise where you can sell it to corporate and government agencies and go after lucrative five and six figure contracts so that you can secure the big my most popular Mastermind right now is on sale we're running a crazy flash sale 90% off and this master class specifically focuses on how you can secure lucrative five and six figure contract even if you don't know what to sell and haven't started your business yet I'm going to show you how to identify what your no-brainer offer is so nobody can say no honey I'm going to help you think about how to pit yourself how to package your expertise I'm going to show you the email scripts that I use to lock in meetings with hard to reach Executives this is golden y'all it is the same framework that I use right now currently in my business as a consultant and a keynote speaker that gets flown out to speak all around the world honey and if I can do it so can you and this master class is going to break down the stepbystep process that you can follow so with in the next 90 days you can have your first five and six figure corporate or government contract I mean what are you waiting for y'all I put the link in the show note The Flash sale is only going on for the next 48 hours so make sure you rush to the link in my show notes so that you can take advantage of this sale and we can secure the big bag together it's that jble out here y'all let's go and get it hey guys if you enjoyed this video I'm pretty sure you're going to love the next one so make sure to click right here and tap in to the next episode.