How to Build a Profitable Brand Embracing Your Culture | Esmeralda Baez
Esmeralda Baez came to this country in her teens living with her family of 5 in one room, didn’t speak a word of English, suffered from a stroke, and managed to become one of the top Dominican women in media. In this episode, Esme shares how she has built a profitable personal brand using her cultura as a competitive advantage and gives us a peek into her entrepreneurial ventures. Things then get spicy when host Victoria Jenn shares her personal experiences with men offering to pay for her to get a BBL, and discusses the competition that exists among Latinas for the attention of men.
Key Takeaways:
Embracing your roots and identity as a superpower.
The significance of networking, credibility, and personal branding.
Importance of genuine collaboration over competition among women.
In this episode:
10:31 - Pride in Diverse Career Collaborations
16:50 - Efficient Collaboration Essentials
22:42 - Healing Journey: Empowering Women
31:35 - Silent Investors In Branding
40:00 - Unspoken Rivalry: Women's Competition in the Latina Community
51:41 - Embrace Authenticity, Reject External Judgments
Full Transcript:
What's up everybody? Welcome back to Banking On Cultura. I am your host Victoria Jen Rodriguez and as always, I'm bringing you a special guest today who is a complete badass. And I'm really excited for you guys to meet her because she wears many hats. She's an entrepreneur. She's an author. She's a publicist. She's a badass. She's out here doing the damn thing. And I'm so excited and honored to have Esanda Bez on the show. What's up, baby? Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here. By the way, happy Dominican Independence Day. Yes, it was yesterday. I know. I said, "Oh, I got the perfect Independence Day in Ghana. I got the perfect guest to be on the show." Um, so you and I, this is actually our first time meeting in person. Yes. Shout out to social media. Shout out to social media. Social media is is such a great platform. It is if you use it correctly in the proper way. Absolutely. Exactly. There's definitely positives that come with social media and I've had the pleasure of following what I see on social media from you. And what I really love and admire about what you have been able to accomplish is a this personal brand that is just like in your face. I am who I am. Accept it or leave it, which we admire here on Banging Uncle Tura. You embrace your Latin, which we love as well. Sorry. All the time. I am so proud to be Afro Latina Dominicana. Everywhere I go, everything I do, it's that I want to make my community, my culture proud. Yes. Not just Dominicans, but Latinos in general. And you making us proud, baby, because you came to this country when you were young, right? 13 years old. Okay. I came with my family. Well, my parents were already here and then I came with my two brothers and we I remember we had very um humble beginnings coming to the states. We were staying in a one not even a onebedroom. It was we were living like a studio in a room. Wow. Okay. Imagine five people staying in one bedroom. Wow. It was tough, but I think it molded me into who I am today. And I think that the hustle mentality that I have today is because of that. Yeah. And we're going to get into that because I love hearing these stories of triumph because people think it's easy, especially the way you make it look. You make it look like, you know, you hanging with this celebrity, you hanging with this pioneer, you starting this business, you doing this, you traveling, and it looks easy from the outside, but I know that it is definitely not easy. Yes, it's definitely not easy, but it's something that I signed up the moment I decided to get into this business. Okay. I was very conscious that it was not going to be easy work. It was going to be a lot of sleepless nights. I was going to have to struggle and make my name uh credible. Mhm. And with that comes a lot of hard work, a lot of sacrifice. Sacrifices. A lot of sacrifices. Mhm. But at the end, it's all worth it. Totally. So, let's get into some bonjin. Tell us something that people can't Google about you. Ooh. A couple of things. Okay. Yes. Give us a couple of things. I love love sweets. Okay. I love dessert. What's your favorite? Any type of dessert that you put on my table, I will eat. You have a favorite? I try. Yes. I I love the tres leches. Oh, that's my favorite, too. I love the fl the cocoa. Mhm. Okay. And yeah, I think so. What something else that other people don't know? Honestly, believe it or not, as much as a social butterfly that I am or look like, I really embrace solitude and I like to be home. Okay. There's times that I don't want to talk to people. So, I think a lot of people don't know that. There's times that I just disappear from the world and people are like, "Where is she? Where is she?" Like, I'm just resetting. I'm taking time for myself. I think that's very important. That makes a lot of sense actually because being in public relations, you're constantly talking to people all the time. Constantly building relationships. Constantly building relationships. But I also feel that network Yeah. It's key when you are in the business that I'm in. Yeah. Your network is everything. Totally. So, I kind of mastered that a little bit. So, now it's not as hard as it used to be before, but now because I think I have built a solid network more like I can relax a little bit. Not saying that I'm going to completely back off, but I'm more I'm more conscious of the places that I go, the the events that I attend, all of that. Yeah, that comes with experience. And also, you've built a name for yourself. You have the credibility, so you don't need to be at everything and anything, right? I want to definitely, and I think we we spoke about this before, but I want to be a little bit more exclusive this year. I don't want to be everywhere. I want to be where I feel um my presence is going to be appreciated a lot and it goes in alignment with everything that I'm doing currently. Okay, if that makes sense. I like that. I like being very intentional about how we share our energy. That's important. Very important. Yes. Okay. So, you came here when you were in your teens. Yes. One-bedroom home with your family of five, which is Were you Was there boys or was it all girls? No. So, I'm the only girl and I'm the youngest. So, two boys. Oh my goodness. Two boys. My dad, my mom. So, three boys. Two girls. Oh my goodness. I know you guys got stories for days. I One story that I will share with you is definitely we came in on November. Mhm. And it was freezing cold. I We were used to obviously um the heat in the Dominican Republic, cold, snowing, depression mode. Honestly, I was personally I have no shame in saying I cried probably for two weeks. I was just telling my parents, "Can I please go back? Can I please go back?" And then I believe it was in January. Um we started school. So when I started going to school, high school friends. Oh, high school. Okay. High school was tough. Yeah, high school was tough because Did you speak the language? No, I did not. Oh, okay. Girl, I was in ESL. Oh, okay. I was in ESL. So, they was teasing you, huh? They were teasing me hard. I think I even got somebody put like gum in my hair. I had like long beautiful black hair and they put gum in my hair and then I had to cut it. Um, but it's okay. Whoever Whoever did that, let me just say this. Whoever put gum in my hair back then, you're watching me. I'm not watching you. I love it. I love it. I love it. Yes. Okay. So, you're here. You go to school. You learn English. Yes. And still learning. Still learning, aren't we all? This is a Spanglish show, so your English mommy. Oh, thank you. Well, I was born and raised here, so you know that helps. My Spanish, that's another story. Yeah, we can we can teach each other. You teach me English. I teach you Spanish. That's why the native language here is Spang English because we don't discriminate. It's okay for you to speak broken English. It's okay for you to speak broken Spanish. We celebrate it all and it doesn't take away from your Latin. Absolutely. I love it. I'm going to be talking. Okay. For those that maybe don't speak like a lot of English. Okay. I'm here with you guys. Okay. Okay. Spanglish. Spanglish. Yeah. Spanglish. Notosp. No. No. Absolutely not. They're going to be like, "She loves me. What did you say?" Right? Like, "Hold on a second." Okay. So, high school, doing your thing, going to school. At what point did you decide that you wanted to start your first company? So, I So, let me just give you a little bit of background how I got into media and entertainment. So, I used to be a nanny OSI. I worked at a chatter school and then I got into um doing being the stylist for pageant girls and that's how I got kind of like recruited by somebody from Miami telling me oh my god you have you have like great I love how you work are you interested in doing PR and I'm like Puerto Rico and they're like Puerto Rico no like public relations I had no idea what it was and that's how it started then I was kind of like helping them in New York with the media tours and all of that and then I was like Two years later, I was like, I think I'm ready to do it on my own. And then that's when I started Elite Bishop Media, which is a public relations agency that specialized in line music and entertainment. But now I have kind of like crossover from that a little bit transition. And now I'm not just doing entertainment and media. I'm also doing sports, fashion, beauty, lifestyle, finance, you name it. I can really get into anything. What are some I'm very confident guys. Avi, I mean, I think that's clear. As you should. As we all should. Okay. Talk about it. So, what are some dope clients that you've had the pleasure of working with? That people will know. That people will know. Okay. Well, I have worked, let's start with the Latino market. I have worked with Kim Kraga. I have worked with uh Kido Bizarre. Okay. Mafio. He's a like a great great producer. Uh, Young Hollywood. Oh my god, those are like from the top of uh Veronica Vega. Um, I have worked with H I can't even remember there. There were a lot of people that I worked with. I know. I know there are a lot of people is pretty large. But but you know what's crazy that it's not so much about the people that I worked that are known. I take pride in just being part of the journey of what they were doing or doing still and I'm very proud of saying that I still have very good relationships with all of them now in the I guess the urban market I have that's when I kind of transitioned from just music to other avenues like finance. So, I worked with the guys from Earn Your Leisure doing their Billboard, G. Herville, he's a rapper from Chicago, I believe. People from real estate like Hannah Watson, uh, Ian Dunlap. There has been a lot of people, too. Yes. You want to hear a funny story? Mhm. So, once upon a time, Oh, and in sports. Okay. Latino Edgar Veranga. Okay. He's a boxer. Okay. Great. I wouldn't even say he's an up and coming because he is a beast and he has a a fight coming up soon. So we not working right now. Okay, we're not working right now. We're not promoting. Okay, so once upon a time I wanted to be a publicist. So I had just got laid off from a corporate gig and I was thinking about, okay, what did I want to do next? And I knew that I love people. So I was like, oh, let me do public relations. So I actually volunteered to work for the Latino Film Festival here in New York. Shout out to Kixo. M and I got to volunteer with their head PR firm and I got to get a behind the scenes and I was like negativo I do not want to do this because it's too much like it's too much is managing so many responsibilities uh and I find that public relations is one of those industries where you can't really guarantee anything. Yes. Right. Like you can't really guarantee. So it's like you're working on good faith. you're working on what you were able to accomplish last, right? Um, and really being able to get people to trust that you can deliver without actually being able to promise that you can deliver. Yes. Yes. And no. And I'm going to tell you why.
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I've linked it there so that you guys can get really clear on the top hacks that you can put into play to set yourself up for success. I hope you love it. My personal experience, every client is different and every client is not on the same level. So, I go based on that. A lot of people come to me still to this day, "Oh my god, Isla, can you please get me on Forbes and GQ and all this stuff because I saw what you did for such and such?" And I'm like, "Yeah, but such and such is who they are, right? We need to start from ground zero with you because nobody even knows who you are, respectfully." So, yeah, answering your question, it is kind of, but I try my best to be as honest and brutally honest as I possibly can with every client or potential client because I want to avoid them going back and saying, "Oh, she promised me she was going to do this and she never did it." No, I will tell you right away I can try my best, but these are the options that I can guarantee 100%. And then I can try pitching you for this other stuff. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. Credibility is it's very important for me because I don't want nobody saying Yeah. That's your entire business. Like it has to be that. And also relationship building, right? Because I worked with a couple of publicists and it literally is I need you to do this favor for me, get it done kind of thing. like I wash your hand, you wash my hands kind of vibe in a relationship business and also working with a lot of diverse clients. We have a lot of amazing, beautiful, gorgeous women who are in industries that are male-dominated, who have a lot of male clients. So, how have you been able to manage men who might be trying to do business with you with ill intentions or faking that they want to do business with you cuz they just want to date you? Like, how do you manage that? So, I'm going to tell you a story that I don't think I've ever shared anywhere. Oh, banking on cultura exclusive. We like that. Exclusiv. So, when I first started in the business, a lot of men were pretty much contacting me, oh my god, yes, let's do a meeting and all this stuff. And it was all [ __ ] And my way of getting out of that was telling everybody that I was gay. I told everybody in the industry that I was a lesbian. And eventually they all stopped. Wow. That is a hack right there. Now hold on. Whoever I said that to in the Now you guys know I am not at the moment. Maybe I was exploring. Maybe I was exploring guys at the time. Not anymore. Hilarious. I'm no longer exploring. Wow. But you know what's crazy is some dudes would be like really? Oh it happened. I bet it did. It happened. And still to this day, this is the crazy part. I've been in the industry now for almost a decade. I It's crazy to how fast time goes. Still to this day, I get those people, hey, I want to talk to you about business, but now I I just I don't do it. I'm like, "Okay, what is your budget? What are you looking for? What are you expecting from me?" And when they don't respond, I'm like, "Thank you for saving me up." M I pretty much wasting my time. I like that. That's another hack. So, we're a lesbian if we want to go forward with that and or when they reach out inquiring, you're very straight to the point. I am straight to I'm so straight to the point that at times I know I come off as a [ __ ] But guess what? They respect [ __ ] They sure do. So, I don't care. I really don't. I love that. I love that so much. And that's a great uh takeaway for our listeners because um it is difficult. It is difficult managing. Like I've come across a couple of times where I thought they were serious and they were really paying it up like they were really serious and then right where it got to okay let's write the check. That's when I really found out like what it was. So, we almost have to be like very mindful of reading people and and figuring out like what's the angle and are they really being truthful? And in your business dealing with celebrities, athletes, etc., you got a lot of people pretending to be somebody that they're not. So, how are you able to kind of like see if someone's for real or not? I Well, I ask questions before anything. I'm not afraid to say no anymore and I trust my intuition. Trusting your intuition, I think it's key. One thing is I've been around the block a few times now in the industry, industry wise, so I can tell when somebody's serious. Most of the people who are serious about doing business with you, they will close a deal in a week. The people who go around, oh, this and that, and can we have another meeting and another meeting? Those are the ones that won't do anything. They will really make you waste your time. And I'm at a point in my life where do not waste my time because it's the biggest disrespect. So that's why I ask those key questions. What is your budget? What are you looking for? What aspect of marketing or branding are you interested in? And if you're not able to answer me those questions, then I already know that we can't even work. Also very important when it comes to working with people. We need to have some sort of chemistry connection. If I don't have a good connection with someone, most likely I won't be able to work with you. It's not even about how much money you have or anything. It's do you have them? You show respect for me. There's people that sometimes just sit down with them and because they have the money to pay for whatever, they feel like they they are not accountable. They are not not accountable, I'm sorry, they are not reliable and they think they know it all. I can't do that. I can't do business with people like that. Ditto. Ditto. It's interesting that now I feel like we've evolved into this era of like energy is everything and it is right. And one of the beautiful aspects of betting on yourself, making the sacrifices, doing it scared, starting the business, is you get to decide who you want to work with, who you don't want to work with, when you want to work with them, how you want to work with them. Like that's an incredible freedom that you don't get if you're working for a firm that's saying we don't care if you don't vibe with them, get the check. Oh, so absolutely. But to me, that was very important. uh since I started there were a lot of deals that not deals or Yeah. deals and and opportunities that came to my table that I had to let go because it didn't feel right. Mhm. It didn't feel right for whatever reason. Don't even ask me what it was. Maybe it was something they said, maybe a certain look they gave me that did not make me feel comfortable. And if I don't feel comfortable in any type of situation, I am not going to do it. Yeah. As a woman, to me, safety, respect are like the most valuable things that I'm looking for. Mhm. Business and personal. Yeah. Mhm. So, we did the public relations thing decade in that space. We wrote a book. Two books. Two books. Working on the third one. Working on the third. And what I realized about you in my research and just you know being a follower of yours is you have this completely other side that is called the dark side. No, it actually is is is the beautiful side. It's the pure side. It's the authentic side. It's the heart side which I think not many of us tend to lead with that. We tend to lead with the other side like I got to look this way. I got to talk this way. you know, I gotta make it seem like I'm more than what I am or whatever the case may be, but then you have this opportunity to share so much of your vulnerability and also your wisdom around being very much heartled. So, what led you to open up in that way and write those kind of books? Honestly, I just wanted to share my journey of healing with other women, especially women. I wanted them to know that it's okay to feel sad at times. It's okay to not love yourself at times. It's okay to maybe wake up in the morning and not feel like even taking a shower or talking to people based on my personal experiences. So that was really what motivated me to to do the books but to use my voice in a positive aspect. and let them know whatever you're going through right now does not define your future and it's short term. So that's what it was really. Yeah. I think given the climate that we're in right now, like that's really important messaging to drive home because a lot of people are in a funk right now. A lot of people are lost. A lot of people are scared. A lot of people are not themselves. A lot of people are not themselves. I feel that today we have a lot of followers and not enough leaders. And I've always said to myself, I wanted to be a leader in whatever field it was. I did not want to follow trends. I did not want to follow what people were doing. None of that. It never really spiked my interest. I've always been a unique child since I was probably like 10. And I knew it because I will hide in the closet and sing and like just rehearse stuff in my head and while other kids were playing. I think it's just who who I've been forever, you know? It's just that now I'm in my feminine energy and I'm not afraid in my feminine energy and I'm not afraid to let the world know that I have dealt with crazy anxiety in the past that I've been rock bottom. I was at some point homeless. I don't think a lot of people know that I was homeless at some point in my life. Like there's a lot of things and when going back to what you said earlier, people just get to see that, oh my god, she's here with celebrities and she looks so pretty and but there's there's a past. There's a lot of traumas. I'm still healing every day. It's just that I don't let my past experiences really take over me, if that makes sense. And I have a very positive mindset today. What created that shift? Like what? because there was like a switch that made you get to the other side. Like what was it? I'm gonna tell you right now. So, it was two things. One, it was uh in 2018, May 1st of 2018, I had a stroke and I was and I was diagnosed with um a brain aneurysm and I saw that as God giving me a second chance to change my life, become a better person, be more grateful, more humble, more grounded and then also um working with mentors and life coaches. That's what they're there for. I tell everybody when they if you are starting a business and you're serious about it, mentoring it's key. Very, very important. I don't want to sound too serious. Let's smile now. No, that's that's such a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing that. I No one knows that. See, this is why I love You have two premieres here at I know. That's why numero Yes. I got a third one coming. I love it. I love it. I love it. Okay, so let's get back to the business side of things because now you have ventured into a product based business with Night. So tell the people what's Nightight. Hello world. So Night. Night night is a vegan, all natural, sugarfree powder supplement. Okay. Uh that helps you night. make you go sleep. And I did it in partnership with Janique Freeze, who is a retired uh German basketball player. And the reason why we partner up is because we we had a conversation just on how we were both dealing with with sleeping issues. And I'm like, man, I just want to go night night. And he's like, I think we got the product. I was like, what? And it was just a conversation. I didn't even have no thoughts of a product. He's like, this is the name of the product. And I'm like, "What product?" And then 15, 16 months later, we have the product out. It's doing well. It's doing It's doing pretty well. Okay. Wait, let's talk about this because people think that it's easy to launch a product based business, especially one that is vegan, that is completely, you know, clean and also is powder form. So, I know there's got to be some science built into that. Absolutely. So, let's get into the nitty-gritty of this. How much upfront capital did you need? How did you pay for this stuff? What was the process? Like, tell us everything. So, I'm going to be very honest. You when you're getting into, and this was completely new for me. Uh, when I dropped the books, this is completely different. Um, you need money for sure. We're talking about a couple of thousands, not like 50,000. You will probably need like 150. 150,000. Okay. Yes. And when you're creating a product that people are going to take, you have to be very careful with each ingredient that's added. So, we hired a nutritionist, a chemist, obviously, a general doctor, endocrinologist, and a neurologist. And there's a reason why we hired those specialists in why we did it. The neurologist obviously because we wanted to make sure that the product if you take it for a certain amount of time is not going to mess up with the neurons in your brain. Endocrinologist because obviously they work with all the organs in your body. Is it going to affect the the kidneys or whatever other organs? And then the chemist obviously they mix it the nutritionist because that's what they do. And we have 13 active ingredients that are known proof by fats that are known for pretty much calming the body and the mind. It does not have magnesium. Well, I'm sorry, melatonin. A lot of people went crazy on me telling me, "Why not melatonin?" Because melatonin is not natural. Melatonin is something that someone created, but it does have magnesium. It does have zinc. Okay. And it has a lot of other ones, too. I'm going to have to get this. So some of the ingredients honestly when we were going through them I'm like oh my god but what is this? But it's been proven that it helps. So I'm just like okay so let's try it. And obviously before we even put it in the market we had to try it right. And I tried it myself. He tried it and we put like our internal team. We all tried it. I was like oh my god it's great. I'm not promising anybody. That's one thing. I'm not promising anyone that it will make you sleep for 10 hours, eight hours, but it will definitely help you relax at night time, okay? You take it 45 to 60 minutes before going to bed. Put your phone away, guys. Put your phone away and then just let it work. Yeah. I might have to get this for my dad because he just had spinal surgery and he was in the hospital for a month. Wow. And when he got home, he was like really struggling with sleep because he experienced trauma. Like, you know, you got people poking you every 10 minutes, waking you up, moving you around. It's crazy. Yeah, it's a lot. Um, and so his sleeping patterns are still off even though he's been home about a month and a half already. Um, and he's taking melatonin. Popping it. Like popping it. You mean like the like the actual melat like the like a pill? A melatonin pill. M um so we've been looking for an alternative to help him you know help him right right you know because then he's going to get I mean I think with everything that you take after 90 days it kind of like I wouldn't kind of becomes an addiction something that you need your body becomes dependent on it and I would highly suggest for you to try night night I know we got to get him on some night night I'll be like daddy we about to go night night Let's go. Night night. I love that name. Okay, let's get serious. Yes. So, 150 startup costs about on average. Let's talk about this partnership like because partnerships can go really well or they can go left. Go left. So, what was your process in deciding whether or not you wanted to have a partnership if it made sense? like how what was your thought process? My thought process in this in this venture um with Night Night was I definitely wanted to corner up with someone who had or share the same vision as I did and Chenique was on point, okay, with everything. It was actually more of his idea to be honest and he just kind of like motivated me to like let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. And I'm like, "Okay, well, let's do it." And
I know a lot of partnerships at times go wrong, but I think that if you have a mutual understanding of what you want out of the partnership, I think most likely you guys will be in good terms. How did you decide like who was putting how much money up? Well, if you want to go half and half on a partnership with someone, it it's just the right thing to go half and half on the money. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I mean, listen, we learning what you here. That's what we asking you about. Well, but then then also there's other parts when you're coming with a brand. Not in my personal experience, but you can also get investors like I think they call them silent investors where they just pretty much give you the money and they just whenever you make the money back you like this was not my case with him. We wanted to be both as um how do you say that? Exactly as much. But I think I'm more like the face right now because Jenny hates doing interviews. He does. Okay. He does not like interviews. cuz he's going to probably watch this and say, "Yeah, she said it." He does not like doing interviews. He's more like behind the scenes guy. And I'm more like, "Okay, I'll do it. I'll I mean, we I think the I think the product really works. And if it's my product, why not use my face?" Yeah. Totally. And promote it. You know what I mean? And you're gorgeous. So, that is going to get people's attention. Like, what? Night night. I think what is this? I think that people definitely buy they will buy this, right? Yeah. But really what they will buy is the story behind it. You know what I mean? I want the people to really buy the product because they hear, "Wow, she created this product because she suffered from insomnia, from severe chronic insomnia. So, she understands the struggle rather than, oh my gosh, she's a pretty girl that she just whatever and she's doing this for a quick paycheck." This is not for that because it's not going to be a quick paycheck. This may take years for us to even see the the profits of our investment. So this is not for that. I really we really created it because we want to help people. Mhm. I love that. And a lot of people don't understand also that when you are you are not sleeping well, a lot of other aspects in your life are going to malfunction. Anxiety. Um well, I can tell you so many we dysfunction. It happens. It happens. But no, you are we are laughing here, but it does happen. Sleep deprivation, is that how you say it? Deprivation, depreation, deprivation. Yeah. Um can cause you so many negative effects. Mood swings, all the things. All of that. I I had it. Mood swings. I thought I was bipolar at some point. Like I was diagnosed and I'm like, I don't think I'm bipolar. Somebody told me that I was not bipolar. Your doctor or who? My doctor told me. I thought you were bipolar. I was like, how did you decide I was bipolar in 3 minutes of speaking to me? Because I told you I had mood swings and I can't sleep. I'm like, you I think you was going to say something bad, but I think you guys I need another opinion. Give me a Yes. Yes. I need another doctor to see me. That is interesting. And I mean, and that's a good point, too, cuz these doctors will be quick to put you on something. Very quick. Yeah. And they diagnosed me on they had me girl on every type of pill. I was taking 10 pills a day. Wow. After I had the stroke. That's scary. 10 pills. 10 pills. And then taking pills to sleep, taking pills for for anxiety, for uh panic attacks, um for high blood pressure, for cholesterol. But then if you take medications for cholesterol and high blood pressure, long-term effects, it's going to do something to your kidneys or your liver. So now you're taking also medication for your liver and your kidneys. I'm like, oh no, now I'm taking three medications a day. Okay. And it's the ones that I really need that they told me you need to take them because you have to. And I'm still looking on ways on how to go completely no pills because I think this is all like toxins that you're putting in your body. Yeah. And we I I got already [ __ ] up, excuse my language, with the two um shots that I got for CO. Okay. So, a lot of information has been given here today. I love it. This is No, this I'm going to be quiet now. No, people come on banking and they watch Banking On Cultura because they see the human side of you, like the real side of you, the substance. You know what I mean? which is important for people to see especially with our community because we uh preconditioning I mean colonizers like we're we're kind of like almost it's ingrained in us to look talk be someone else but us all the time in order to be successful right so it's important to show the other side of who you are so that they see an example right absolutely And I think if we would have done this podcast a year ago, it would have been a completely different story because today I'm on a different page. And everything that you just said just resonated so well with me. I'm at a point in life where I really don't care if you like me or if you don't. I just want to be as intentional as I possibly can with anything and anyone. Mhm. Yeah. It's that frequency. I almost teared guys. It's okay. Oh, we we embrace tears. It helps with the ratings and all that stuff. We're not doing that because I took like like 20 minutes to do my makeup today. I hear you on that, honey. I'm not messing up my mascara. Let's not do it. Let's not do it. So, we spoke a lot about working with men, about relationships, the success that you've had, the kulura. Let's get into the talk that talk segment because I want to address something. uh taboo, common, unfortunate that happens in the cultura, especially amongst Latinas. And I'm ready. And you know, you and I spoke about this briefly, but I want to bring it to a public platform because we don't talk about it enough even though we are bonjin chos talking about it with everybody else, right? So this competition that exists amongst Latinas, the desire and yearning for the attention of men, like all of these things. What's up with that?
I have so much to say about that. Let's get into it. I'm just I'm just trying to put it in my head and how I'm going to say it that it doesn't sound that I'm being negative. So I miss the reality of what's in the in our conversation I share with you that when I first came in in the industry I had no support, no love from women in the industry. None. When I say none, I mean none. Like I would go to places and even try to shake people's hands and they would look at me up and down and continue walking. Okay? So I never took it personal. I just understood that I had to make a mark and make a name for myself. Now, going to the competition, I don't like the competition between women. This is why I created the women's trailblazer event every March 15th in New York City because I want to honestly put women in the same room so that they can get to network but not just super superficially network to actually connect and see how synergy can be created between them. support, embrace one another. And to be honest, last year I did the event, I went home and I felt so much pressure on my shoulders. And I'm going to tell you why. A lot of the people that went to my event did not go there to support me. They went there to go and talk [ __ ] after. And that really opened my eyes and was like, "Wow, this [ __ ] is crazy."
But but still, I'm not stopping. I'm not going to stop making my events because of them. I just know now who to invite. Do you understand? I think the competition comes from from lack of confidence. To be honest, if you know you are I don't if you know you are a bad [ __ ] and by a bad [ __ ] I don't mean like looks. I mean a bad [ __ ] like you know where you headed like you're laser focused and stuff. You're going to look for other women who are better or doing more things than you are and you're going to add them to your team because you understand the power of how do you say that? Collaboration. The power of collaboration. And a lot of women don't understand that today. They are in secret competition for no reason. Mhm. M we can't make but they want to be you but but they want to be you but but but the problem here is that we all bring so many different things to the table. Like I might not be great at speaking but you are and I'm great at networking but you aren't. So now this is where our collaboration can be impactful. Because now we are united forces. Yeah. Do you understand? Yeah. Totally. And I and I spoke about this a few times and I still get a little bit frustrated because some women they will never understand that you get it. We had a very prior to this we had a conversation and we get it but it's also I feel because we're a little older now. Well, speak for yourself honey. I Well, I'm older. I'm a young tender. I'm closer to that number than I am to my 20s. I listen, it's called seasonality. Okay, that's what it's called. Hold on. What is seasonality? Seasonality means you have wisdom. You have experience. You are not an elder. You have seasonality. Okay. Well, like some you got some sass to you. So, you know what? I'm going to use this for now on. Essire is very well seasoned. There you go. Period. Well, seasoned as and people respect seasoned. Okay. What is seasonality? Seasonality, you know. Oh my god, I love this. Season meaning you're seasoned. You're a seasoned professional. Like you've been out here. You know what's up. But you know when you seasoned, what? It tastes better. When you season, you in high demand. Okay. When you seasoned, people like, "Oo, how can I duplicate this?" If I ever come out with a podcast, I'm inviting you so you can't talk. Let's go. Let's go. We seasoned out here. That's how I like that. That's how we move. Um, okay. But there's like a root cuz I feel like Latinas in particular, we are just so I think it's the way we're raised. Like we're it's like ingrained in us to kind of like be in competition with the way we look with men, with everything. Uh, with everything. I mean there's a trend going on right now for the past five 10 years I would say is I have nothing against surgery or anything like that. I've had surgery before myself but even when it comes to that I don't think women are actually doing surgery today because
they need it. Mm-m. They're doing it more because they see the attention that other women are getting from BVL's and stuff like that. Mhm. And then it becomes an ongoing issue because now you go and you do the BVL, but now, oh my god, now I need I see something in my face that I don't like, so I'm going to go and fix this, too. And then it's just it's Yeah. It's like a disease. I blame society. Mhm. Mhm. I blame social media on all of that. Mhm. Yeah. I think I went out of topic, but I had to say that. No, that's an important topic because it's prevalent in the Latina community. Like, it's girl, I went out the other day in New York City. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Please, let me just say this. How disrespectful I felt the other day. Okay. I was in a meeting. I can't say was I I was having a meeting and when I said I was Dominican, one of the people on the table said, "Oh, chapiadora." And then he also said, "Where you from? You from the high? You from Dyman or from the Bronx?" That already shows you where they have us in what? Like Yeah, that really bothered me still. I'm talking about it right now and I'm I'm still bothered by There's a stereotype for sure. It's such a stereotype, but it's a stereotype that we have created. We have because it's so common. I went out the other night in New York City. Mhm. I was the only woman, I'm not exaggerating, there was like 150 women at this place. I was the only one without a BBL and it was almost like they were looking at me like, let me just say BBL at. Hold on. Let me just say something. It was crazy. I'm on camera here now. With your face. I mean, I haven't seen your body and I don't care about bodies. That's That's irrelevant to me with that face of yours. I appreciate that. But they don't care about your face. It's crazy. It is crazy. It is like an epidemic out here. It is an epidemic. People People say that the epidemic or whatever was um COVID 19. No. Mhm. The real one is that Yeah. It's crazy. It's sad to hear girls 17. I know 18year-old girls right now
already talking about how they're going to go and get a BBL and instead of a fully developed
you have to wait. I remember when I got my boobs I'm I just got very decent sized breast. Um I was 24 or whatever and at that time I knew my titties were not going to grow and I was they're not going anywhere. Um and I went and I got them but I got them like half a size bigger something that went with my body and it was just more for I have nothing against people doing stuff to their bodies or whatever if it's really to boost your self-esteem to make you feel good. But when you're doing things out of a trend because you think it's a cool thing, it's like going and getting the new Balenciagas because you see everybody getting them but you think they're ugly. Same thing. And it's pressure. And I feel bad for young girls because if I'm feeling pressure and I'm seasoned, imagine a young girl who is still working through her self-esteem, still building her confidence, you know, still, you know, insecure, figuring herself out, and she's constantly being pushed like surgery body. This is what you need. This is what you got to have. If you don't have it, you ain't it. Nobody's going to pay attention to you. You ain't going to get a man, you know? And it's really really scary. I'm gonna tell you something about that though. And it's something maybe just to to think about.
No disrespect to anyone because I know a lot of women who have their bodies done. Like I said, I've done work myself.
A lot of these women that have their bodies done and all this stuff, fat [ __ ] all this stuff, most of them are single. They don't even have talk about it. Talk about it, right? Yes. And then you see the other ones that are not the most attractive, the gordas, the flakitas, that got no ass, no titties, and they got a man. Why is that? Well, they're bringing something to the table outside of looks. And longterm that's what they're looking for. Yeah. Yeah. I think it works both ways, right? Because
exclusive. Recently Mhm. a gentleman that I was dating said, "Yo, let me just pay to get your body done. I got you." He was so thirsty. Like so thirsty. You're gorgeous. You You have everything. Imagine if you get your body done like you'll be perfect. That who the This is what men are saying to women. I was gonna say something. So ramping out of place, girl, but it's not the point. It's not going. This is what men are saying to women. So again, I'm comfortable in my own. He really told me that. He really told me that. And it's not the first one. So I have multiple men offer to get my body. I have a question. I have a question for you. Now we which is changing seats, I guess. Did that do anything to you mentally and to your self-esteem? Of course, having someone tell you, "Hey, you're gorgeous. You're beautiful." But I think that you will be better if you got your done. Who wants to hear something like that? And of course as women the beautiful part of women is that we are emotionally intelligent and we are empathetic and we analyze right. Yeah. So when someone says something to us like that we are going to analyze right and we are going to be like h like nobody wants to hear anything about yourself that you consider to be a flaw or that you're working on or whatever it is. Like nobody wants to hear that. And especially women like I think I mean listen we might have to have a workshop or a webinar for these fellas out here because you should not be saying these kind of things to women like nothing about their weight nothing about how they look like there's ways for you to communicate these things right in a way where it'll land but they don't know how to communicate these things like like say for example a better way to have communicated that to me would have been something like hey like I don't know like what are you focused on the next 3 months like I'm going to be focusing on XYZ to help with my physical. Like, what are you doing? Like, you know what I mean? Instead of saying, "Let me just pay to get your body done."
Yes. What is that? I don't know what that was. Oh, that was pictures. Yeah. Like, let me just pay to get your body done. And I know what they're saying it to me. I know multiple women who can relate to this. Like, it's crazy. Like, I know multiple women. Yes. Please. We have an audience here by the way. So yes, we need videos. We need pictures. We need videos. We need pictures. Just make sure to get my good side. Anyhoo, every side is your good side. Oh, talk about it. I want you to understand that. Thank you, baby. So, thank you. Um, but yes, if you are listening and you have come across someone who has said that to you, it's okay for you to have the feels about it like you're human at the end of the day. But also know that unless this is something that you consider yourself as an area of opportunity, don't let someone else try to tell you who you should be, how you should look, how you should talk, how you should move, like it works both ways. It works that same way in business and it works that same way like in your personal life. Like you can't let these fools out here dictate like who you are and who you're going to be in the world and also define like what beauty really is. Obviously he got cut off obviously. That was going to be my next Yes, obviously he got cut off. We We ended that engagement. Um, also you were engaged. No, I mean like our relationship, our engagement, we ended that. And imagine these girls hearing that and they're like, "Oh my god, yes, please." And you know what's crazy is I went to go speak to some women about this and they were like, "Oh my god, if a man offered to pay for my body, like I would do that immediately." And I was just like, "Wow, this is like I'm a last of a dying breed out here. I like like you said, you already seasoned [Laughter] and and dating I know it's not a problem for you. Yeah. I think that person that you were dating that said that just rebuilt himself and totally made you understand this is not the right man for me. Totally. Because if I need to change, if you feel that I need to change this for you Mhm. to be happier with me, it's time to go. Absolutely. Now, if it's your decision, conscious decision that you want to do it, I'll root for you and support you 110%. But if it's coming from a man telling you, "Oh, you should do this to to look better and stuff, mm- I'm not I'm not with that. We don't do that. I don't I don't respect that. Okay. So, let's give folks a takeaway. We know women are not really great collaborators. We know there's competition. We know folks are feeling threatened out here. Um, what is some advice that you have as far as what? I'm sorry. As far as what we can do as a cultura to rewrite the script. H what would you do? What would you change? So the best way that I found to solve for this is to lead by example and to also show examples of women who are collaborating and doing dope [ __ ] Like a lot of my guests, I just had um Simone Smith, LL CoolJ's wife on and she has an amazing like female network. Like I've seen how much love she receives and how she cultivates her relationships and her partnerships etc. And it's a prime example like it exists like there are going to be both. I think there going to be women who don't know how to collaborate and so they need to learn and they also need to work through their own emotional trauma I guess. Absolutely. Um and then there's going to be women who have been there work through their emotional trauma. So now they are okay to collaborate and you know lean towards the side that has gone through the work. Absolutely. Absolutely right. But also teach others like how to do it you know because we're not taught how to do it. I I would definitely say I would agree with you with leading by example. The other way of also changing that narrative is by creating more opportunities for others. The moment somebody I I would personally um think this way. If I'm creating opportunities for other women, I think opening door those doors will lead them to be like maybe I want to be part of this because I see the movement. Mhm. And when people see movement, they want to be part of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? So leading by example, but also definitely creating more opportunities. But the only way we can or will be able to create more opportunities is if we collaborate a little bit more. Totally. And I think trust trust is a big part. Yeah. Because especially if like you've been burned, you're kind of like hesitant to give an opportunity to someone else cuz you're like, you know, that didn't you become you become very hard. You do. And it takes a lot of work to still be open in that way where you allow people to make mistakes and you take risks on other people. Right. So that comes with more seasonality. I think I'm on the the border. I I think almost there. I think this is my favorite part. Whenever you say seasonal seasonality, we could practice together. Season seasonality. Allity. Seasonality. Seasonality. Perfect. Look at that. Seasonality. I am Seasonality. No. When you say I am seasoned, that's how you say it. Yes. What you could say is I Yes. But what you can say is when you're talking, I guess in the second person, you can say I bring seasonality to every room that I enter. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. We we we could we could work on it. We we could see how how we could do this. But anyway, it has been such a pleasure having you on Banking On Cultura. Thank you so much for being vulnerable, for being a real one, for sharing your story, uh and for lending such great advice. So tell the people where they can find you, how they can learn more about you, how they can get some night night. Well, um, you can find me the only social media I have really is Instagram, which is esc_xo. I have LinkedIn as well if you want to work with me. Uh, nightight goightnight.com. Um, your books are on Amazon. All my books, both my books are on Amazon. Yes. And, um, I think that's it. Yes. I love And then the rest is just Google. Yes. Or sharing banging with friends to learn more. Absolutely. By the way, thank you so much for inviting me. I had a great time. Much success to you. I think you are doing an amazing job. Thank you. And you're going to continue growing and doing so much more. If there's anything that I can do to help in that growth, please don't hesitate to contact me. And I mean that. Listen, I follow up. I said it. Okay. If you need me, call me. All right. I'm a follow-up queen. There's one thing about me. If you offer to help me, honey, I'm be like, you better. I need some help. You better use that. You have my personal number. Not a lot of you have it. I do. I do. You have it. If you have my number, please use it. I will. Thank you so much. Appreciate that, Amore. All right, y'all. Thank you so much for tuning in. Wow. This has been amazing. Make sure to leave your comments, your feedback, all the things. And also share this episode with somebody else that you think would benefit from this. And I'll see you on the next episode. Bye y'all. Hey guys, if you enjoyed this video, I'm pretty sure you're going to love the next one. So make sure to click right here and tap in to the next episode.
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