The Magic Is in the Unknowing: How to Trust Yourself During a Life Pivot
In this heartfelt solo episode, host Victoria Jenn Rodriguez dives deep into her personal journey of evolution, spiritual self-discovery, and embracing a new identity. From transformative retreats in Costa Rica and Bali, to becoming a caregiver for her father, and stepping into new leadership roles, Victoria Jenn shares the messy, raw moments that led her to launch the Centered CEO Mastermind Retreat—a safe space for women navigating their own crossroads.
Discover insights about vulnerability, paying attention to life's signs, and letting go of hustle culture in favor of intention, healing, and authentic growth. The episode is packed with real talk, powerful ahas, and an invitation for listeners who are ready to step into their next chapter.
In this episode:
8:53 - Embracing New Responsibilities
12:09 - Continued Search For Clarity: Heart And Mind Alignment
16:14 - Significance Of Red Moon Cycle
22:38 - Creating A Retreat For Women In Transition Or In Their “Becoming”
27:36 - Normalizing Reinvention As Growth, Not As A Failure To Commit
Full Transcript:
What's up, guys? Welcome back to season 7 of Banking on Cultutra. Yes, we did take some time off. Yes, your host Victoria Jenn Rodriguez needed to take a little pause and a breather. and I'm going to talk about why that needed to happen on today's episode. Today's episode is really dedicated to first thanking you guys for sticking around. We are now 2 and 1/2 years in the running of this podcast, dropping an episode every single week, and this is the first time that we've actually taken any real time off of the podcast. And it's for a good reason, and I'm really excited to share with you what exactly was going on and why I decided to take a break. So, similar to many of you, I'm I'm sure you guys can relate to this. Obviously, 2025 was a crazy ass year for so many reasons. And even now, this year, I think, is even crazier at this point. But as a result, I am still in this moment of evolution, this moment of becoming, this moment of embracing a new identity. And I have to say this has been going on for quite some times. If you guys have been around for a while, then you've heard the story of when I turned 40 years old and I decided to go to Costa Rica on a spiritual trip because I just felt like I needed to get outside of myself to find myself, if that makes sense. As a result of going to that spiritual retreat, my first one in Costa Rica, I heard God and he said, "Hey, you need to double down on your community. you need to start really providing resources to your community etc. And that's why Benura was born. Amongst other things while I was there I really started to think about who I was who I was becoming and what I wanted my professional and personal life to look like. And I kept doing that work. And there were moments where I was resisting moments where I was, "Ooh, this feels uncomfortable." Like, am I really I don't know if I really want to move this way. You know, I'm used to moving this way. It feels really comfortable right here. Like, I'm good right here. I found success here. I'm making money here. I found joy here. And then a year later, I decided to go on another spiritual retreat. And I went to Bali and I was deepening the work. I was looking inward more. I was trusting myself more. I was really starting to embrace a new identity. I got back from Bali. I went to Bali on New Year's of 2024. got back from Bali and then life happened and then I got distracted and then I got pulled in this direction and then you know I was being asked to be you know the person that I was trying to disconnect from and let go of and I just kept getting pulled and and if you've ever done the work of deep self-discovery of real I would say integration work of getting to know yourself and and and and really seeking answers internally, not getting external validation. It is hard work because you kind of go through the messy stuff. The messy stuff of can you really trust yourself? Is there no other guide? Are you indeed the guide and the light and the answer that you are yearning for? And so when you're doing that work, it's intense and it's meant to be intense because it's not surface level. Right? It's it's deep. It's um has substance to it. And when you are in that space and you are away from everything else, it's easy for you to kind of sink into that and really start looking at things from a different lens. And so when you're in the environment, it allows for you to get clarity. It allows for you to connect deeper. allows for you to think differently. But then when you come back to the real world and you're no longer meditating, you're no longer doing the yoga, you're no longer journaling, you're no longer eating good, right? You're detoxing your body, you're like back to the shenanigans. It's very easy for you to kind of like find yourself back into just the groove of things instead of holding on to the essence of what you experienced when you were secluded. I hope that makes sense. I'm trying to explain it as best I can because I I was thinking to myself, I was like, yo, I'm I'mma talk about this on the podcast, but sometimes I don't even have the words to really describe what is happening to me right now and how I am growing and what is becoming my new norm. So, bear with me y'all. So went to Bali, did it, came back, pulled in all different directions, kind of lost myself again. And then my dad got really sick. Uh well, not sick, he had surgeries and I had to cater to him. I became a caregiver overnight. And so that experience also changed me, also forced me to look deeper in myself, also forced me to become even more of a compassionate, even more of an empathetic person. And I was talking to I was talking to um I call him one of my like advisors, Richard from the hive. Shout out to the hive. I was talking to him and I was telling him about this and I was like, you know, I became more empathetic and I became more compassionate. He's like, yo, V, you've always been compassionate and empathetic. What are you talking about? And I'm like, yes, but I'm now more just more, if that makes sense. And I think that really has to do with just embracing more of the human side of me, right? versus the transactional side versus the side that is all business versus the side that is um less empathetic. I guess I again guys I'm trying to explain this as best that I can. So just flow with me. So fast forward, daddy gets the surgeries and then I find myself again questioning like okay what? Something feels off. Something still feels off. Something feels like it's different. Something feels like I I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. So, as I'm going through this whole experience, so many things are happening on the professional side for me. I became the board chair of a charter school uh in the South Bronx. I've been involved with that school for 16 years. Now I'm the board chair. So I'm like, "Oh my god, now I have this huge role, right, and this huge responsibility like these young minds, you know, are are depending on me, these girls. I have a board that I'm managing. I have uh 10 million plus just investment portfolio that is being managed. It's it's a lot of responsibility at a level that I never had before, right? between my dad, between managing this budget, between basically graduating to the next level, right? And so I'm like, okay, I'm taking on this new responsibility. I am, you know, elevating, but something else is going on at the same time. So I really started to focus on that and really think about, okay, V, what what does this all mean and where is this going? So, this New Year's I decided to go to Florida um and stay with a really good friend of mine, shout out to Millie, who graciously opened up her home. And I was in this beautiful home in South Florida, two blocks away from the beach. And it really allowed me to like kind of get on my Zenzen vibe. And so, while I was there, she recommended that I meet with a heart doula. And a heart doula is someone who is someone who essentially um helps you connect your heart with your mind, right? Connect your heart with your mind. And I felt like that is what was missing. My heart was operating on its own. My mind was operating on its own. And I needed to figure out how to connect these two powerful energies, right? because I I I noticed that there was a disconnect there. So, I go to see the heart doula. We meet for about an hour and a half. I'm balling out of control, crying because I'm like again completely surrendering in that moment. Completely surrendering myself in that moment. Completely like taking off the mask. Completely just like opening myself to receive. And there were so many things that she shared with me that really made sense. So, I'm going to share some examples with you guys because this is where I think it gets really interesting and something that I hope you guys can relate to. So, I'm sitting there. I'm laying down, got my eyes closed, and she's like, you know, talking with her soft voice. It's got the music and she's like, "Tell me what you're feeling in your body." And I'm like, "Feeling in my body." And I'm like, "I feel like I have this chestnut in my throat." And the reason why I said a chestnut is because she asked, "What do you feel?" And I said, "I feel like I have something in my throat." And she's like, "Describe what what is it? What does it look like?" And I said, "It's like a chestnut." And she's like, "Interesting. A chestnut." I'm like, "Yeah." And I was like, and chestnuts, they look like they're ready to burst, right? Cuz they look kind of like they got like veins on them and they're like ready to burst. And that's how I felt. Like I felt like I was ready to burst. Like I needed to use the words like I was ready to burst. Right. And then she So interesting. She was like, "Well, that makes sense because the reason why you're stuck right now is because you have this chestnut in your throat chakra." And I was like, "Oo, my throat chakra. Like I've never had it described to me in that way, but it makes complete sense because prior to me seeing her, I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling off. I couldn't put my finger on what was like what it was. You know what I'm saying? Like what is it, right? To get me over the hump. And so it was interesting that that was the first thing I said to her. And I described it as something in me is ready to burst, like move forward. And then she repeated back to me. She was like, "Is it move forward or is it you bursting to release?" And I'm reading my notes here because after I met with her, I was like, "Oh my god, I got to write all this down because I don't want to forget it." So, a bursting to release. And then she she's like, "You're like a squirrel." And I'm like, "Hm." She's like, "You have been planting seeds so much. You've been moving from one one thing to another thing to another thing to another thing." You know, growing up in New York, hustle, hustle, hustle, moving, moving, moving. Always moving. What does a squirrel do? It's squirreling. It's always moving around. It's always planting seeds. And she was like, "What squirrels also do is while they are planting those seeds, they actually are planting the seeds for the trees of the world." Like, and I was like, "Oh, I didn't even know that." Like if you now you guys are going to all Google squirrels. I can imag I know it. I know this because that's what I did. So I went and I Googled like what is the significance of squirrels and the fact of the matter is is that their mission is to plant the seeds so that it benefits the entire world. And she's like V that is your next step. Your next step you're being called to something higher. She even called me, y'all, a high priestess. And I was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "What? Me? I'm a high priestess." I mean, it has a nice ring to it. I mean, I like that. Uh, but it was just like it's it it felt right. I was like, "Oh my god, that makes sense. I do feel like I'm being called to serve in a different way, to serve my community in a very different way." And that realization is a little unsettling because it's a huge responsibility, right? It's a huge responsibility. And so I was kind of like, wow. Like, is God really positioning me for this? So then she asked me, "What is your word of the year?" And I told her my word of the year was selfless. And she's like, "Well, tell me more about that." that I was like, well, I want to be more of like a selfless person. Everything that happened with my dad, like I just feel like I'm being called to be more giving. And she challenged me and she said, "It's interesting that you use the word selfless. Is it that you want to be more giving or is it you want to let go of your old self? selfless and embrace a new identity, a new calling, a higher calling. And I was like, yo, wow, you're worth every penny. But that was just the beginning, y'all. That was just the beginning. So, I was just like, "Wow, okay, this is really making sense." And then I'm going to give you some TMI. So for the fellas who are tuning in, you're welcome to step away. But for the ladies, this is for you and I'm going to share it with you. So you know, as women, our menstrual actually has like our menstrual cycle actually holds a lot of significance. There's a lot of symbolism around that. And while I was and this new year into 2026, we had um a full moon and we had a red moon and there's a lot of symbolism around a red moon and having a full moon entering into um the new year. It actually is a symbol of high priestess. It is a symbol of you being called. And it just so happened that my menstrual cycle came late and happened to land while the full moon red moon was happening into the new year which is a huge significant deal that I am learning y'all because now I have engulfed myself more into spirituality and engulfed myself more into human design and engulfed myself more into just this other way of viewing life and to pay attention to things in a much different way. So, this is all happening, which was like, "Oh, wow." Okay. And she's like breaking this down to me. Like, obviously, I didn't even think about that. But it's so funny because I shared with you I was staying at Milliey's house. And I remember I was in her house. I was like working cuz at the time I was really stressed out because I was planning for the center CEO mastermind retreat and I was, you know, really focused on it. So I was really focused on work at the time. By the way, this retreat is happening at the end of February. I'm going to tell you more about it in a minute. But I was really stressed. So I'm at the computer and she's like, "V, come outside. You have to look at the moon." And me, I'm like, you know what? And I've seen tons of moons. And I go out there and it is the most gorgeous moon that I've ever seen, not understanding the significance of it as well. I'm just stressed with work now. I got my menstrual. I'm just like gh like over it. And then I sit down with this heart doula and she begins to tell me, you know, the significance of it and the fact that Millie called me to look at it. Like all of these little things, guys, there's so many things happening in our lives that are signs. There are so many signs coming to us every single day, but we're too distracted to pay attention or we are too scared to pay attention or we justify reasons as to why those signs don't make sense or they're not applicable to us because we've been preconditioned to create this defense mechanism and to not think deeply about things because everything is so surface level. Everything is so fast and so we're just moving so quickly that we miss the signs. And right now in this season, the signs are everything. The signs are what you need to pay attention to because they are guides and they're coming to you through different avenues. Whether it's God, whether it's your ancestors, whether it's someone that you love that pass away, everything that is being presented to you is for a reason and you have to pay attention in this season more so than ever before. So, she tells me about the moon. I'm like, "All right, cool. Vibing, vibing." And then she tells me that right now embracing the unknown, she's like, "You should talk to your community about this." Like, you should tell your community what you are going through. It's actually going to get them to connect with you more, engage with you more, and for you to um allow people to be vulnerable with you at the same time. And I'm just like, "Yeah, but I'm still figuring it out, too." and she's like, "They're still figuring it out as well, and they need to be seen alongside you." And y'all, when I came back and I went to Instagram and I started telling my story, I had so much engagement, and you guys were so tuned in that I was like, "Oh my god, she's right." So, like, another sign that, okay, I'm moving in the right direction. And then she asked me this question. And she's like, "What are you so afraid of with embracing this new identity? Why do you keep resisting?" And I told her, "I'm afraid of going broke, right? Because I had this one way of making all this money. I have all these offers. I have this positioning. I have this branding. I put so much work into building this thing and it's working to now no longer have that thing and build something completely new from scratch and embrace this new identity, this different way of communicating, different vocabulary, different energy, different type of engagement, different relationships. And I told her, I'm afraid of going broke. She said, "Are you afraid of going broke or is it your breakthrough?" And I was like, "Oh my goodness, this woman, she's like so good." And she's like, "Are you being called to be broken open, broken free?" And I'm like, "Okay." So, I'm further like in my feelings now. I'm like, "Wow, this is so interesting." And she's like, "You have to stop pushing so hard. You got to slow down. You got to chill out." And she said that the medicine and the magic is in the unknowing. Is you not having all the answers. Is you not being completely clear and you sitting in that and growing in that. And it was a lot. It was a lot to digest. It was a lot to consider. And so for about 30 days, I was kind of like sitting in it and I was thinking it through and I was journaling and I was digesting and I was really trying to figure out like, okay, what what does this look like? And at the same time, I'm planning the centered CEO mastermind retreat. And it's so crazy how God works, y'all, because I'm organizing this retreat and hosting this because I know I'm not alone on this journey. There are so many women right now who are in the in between. There are so many women right now who are in their becoming, right? They are becoming their next best version of themselves. They are becoming a new and improved woman. They are becoming period. And what I also know is a lot of women are struggling, especially entrepreneurs, around identity, around how do you sell in this type of environment, around how do you build something when the world is a hot ass mess? How do you build something meaningful and not lose yourself in the process when all we've been taught is that sacrifice and working hard is success. You taking a break, that's not success. You taking time to actually think and breathe, that's not success. That's leisure, right? You taking time to move with intentionality, you taking time to slow down, that's not success. You're not moving. How are you making progress if you are not moving? That's literally what we've been taught. And so, we burnt out and we're exhausted and we're tired. And so this retreat is literally designed to center yourself. And I'm partnering with my girl Jessica Diana who is a somatic healer who is a human design expert um who works through energies. She's super super dope. and I'm partnering with her to curate this space where we can take off the mask, peel back the onion, and be in community, where we can just breathe. And we can take the time to be more intentional about the moves that we are going to make, about what those next steps are. What does that look like? And as I'm planning this retreat, it's so interesting because I have all these experiences, the heart doula, going to the spiritual retreat in Costa Rica, going to another one in Bali, sitting with a shaman and spending a week and a half with her, no TV, no cell phone, in the middle of the jungle, waking up to just myself every single day. what that has taught me and how centered I am becoming. I want other women to feel that too. And I want more of us to move with more of that type of intentionality and to let go of this culture of go go go when there's so much magic and benefit from just chilling and looking inward. So if this is resonating, by the way guys, I'll put the link to RSVP to the retreat uh in the show notes. It's going down February 28th through March 1st in the Pocono Mountains. I'm really really excited about it because this retreat is kind of like my first offer I guess to the marketplace of what my new leadership is and how I'm going to guide in this next chapter and how I'm going to serve at this high priestess level and how God is going to use me as a vessel. And it's really scary because it's like, okay, are people gonna vibe with this? And women have signed up. Shout out to the women who have signed up so far. Um, we also have one man who has signed up, which we welcome men. You are welcome um to join us. And I'm just really excited about it because I'm like, okay, the like you're reinventing yourself again. And that is scary. I've been an entrepreneur now, y'all, for nine years after being in corporate for 15. And this is yet another reinvention. And people think about reinvention or pivoting as, you know, some can view it as you not being able to stick with something. Others can view it as you are figuring it out as you go, which many of us are. Anybody who tries to tell you that they have all the answers are full of We're all figuring it out as we go. And I think reinvention is a gift. Like, who wants to be the same thing all the time forever? We are supposed to evolve. We are supposed to try new things. We are supposed to constantly be on the journey of fueling our joy, of fueling our fulfillment, of fueling the best version of ourselves. And that comes with you letting go of old patterns that no longer serve you and you setting a new standard for yourself. This is actually some of the work that we're going to be discussing at the retreat is what is that new standard? What are the behaviors associated with that new standard? What are the boundaries that you're setting that are associated with that new standard? What are your relationships look like? How do you handle yourself professionally, personally? So, we'll be going over that kind of deep integrated work at this retreat. And you know, it's not for everyone because everyone is on a different journey. Everyone is on a different path. Everyone is on a different timeline. And right now I'm looking for the community of women who are about this life, who are at a crossroads, who have hit a fork in the road, who are transforming and becoming. And so I'm creating the space for us to gather and for us to learn and for us to grow together and for us to expand together, heal together, and just uh be just be.
Anywh who, I know this is a little different than other episodes I've done, but I wanted to share with you what has been going on in my life because that's why I haven't been here. That's why I haven't dropped anything. And I've got tons of interviews, you know, in the can. Shout out to all my guests, by the way. We've got a dope season ahead. So, stay tuned for that. I've got some amazing guests coming up. But I wanted to start the year by being completely honest with you guys, by being vulnerable with you guys because I know that gives you permission to also be vulnerable. And hopefully you feel seen in today's episode. And I look forward to welcoming those of you who feel aligned to come to this retreat. Again, it's happening February 28th through March 1st. So time is of the essence. So make sure you rush to that link in my bio and lock in your spot. You have the option to stay over. We're staying at this gorgeous chateau in the middle of the forest in the Pocono Mountains. It is absolutely stunning. We have a private chef coming through. You have the option to stay over at the chateau or you can find your own lodging uh off the location. It is a two-day experience. We have amazing guests coming through and I'm just really really excited um to meet you there if it is calling you and also really excited to continue to share with you more behind the scenes of what I'm thinking, how I'm deciding, how I'm building. And thank you for being on the journey with me, guys. And if you appreciated this episode, please let me know your feedback. I would love to hear from you if you felt seen at all in me sharing. I love you guys and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.
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