Beyond the Fairytale: Real Talk on Motherhood, and Dating as an Entrepreneur with Alechia Reese
WARNING: This episode is for grown folks. Expect grown language. Grab your ear pods if the kiddos are around, and leave the pearls at home, because we get deep and honest in this episode.
Victoria Jenn and Alechia Reese, an international host and transformation coach discuss:
The misconceptions and harsh realities of motherhood and marriage.
The power of self-awareness and intention in personal and professional life.
Strategies for managing time, prioritizing responsibilities, and achieving balance.
The significance of self-investment and understanding personal needs and desires.
The impact of societal expectations on women, especially regarding motherhood, marriage, and career choices.
Alechia's unique approach to dating and building relationships based on mutual growth and happiness.
Join us in this episode to dive into an unfiltered conversation that explores the intricate balance of personal happiness, relationships, and professional aspirations.
Download the Dating Scorecard at: www.DatingWellAf.com
About Alechia Reese:
Alechia Reese is a transformation coach, international speaker, principal of RGLP Group, LLC, and co-founder of Tru3 Yoga Agency. Additionally, she co-hosts the Triggered AF & Got Value? Podcasts. As a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, Alechia specializes in helping high-functioning executives, entrepreneurs, and emerging leaders enhance their personal and professional value, aiming to boost their impact while reducing burnout.
Her unique hosting and journalistic style led her to interview renowned artists and influencers like Anthony Hamilton, Fat Joe, and Iyanla Vanzant.
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Full Transcript:
What's up, everybody. Welcome back to Banking on Cultura, where we talk about the vibrancy and complexity of Latino culture, entrepreneurship, and of course, all the bonchinche in between. Now today, honey, make sure your edges is down. Make sure you are ready because we gonna get a nice blend, Hennessy mixed with some tea and it's going to be raw, super authentic.
You know how we like to do on Banking on Cultura, but my guest today, I love some Spending time with her because she is just so,
ah, the energy just hit different, so freaking smart. And I've learned so much from her and I know she's going to drop so many gems today and I just want to welcome you. Thank you so much for being on
Alechia. No, thank you for having me. I love intimate conversations. I like being able to be my natural raw self cause y'all, I have tried to be better. It's just, it's who I am, and I appreciate when folks are, are welcoming and accepting of that. So thank you. Yeah, totally. So
Alechia Reese, introduce yourself to the people.
Hoo chow. It's so funny. Every time someone asks me that, I have to kind of go through like, okay, which
part of Kristana do I want to represent today?
Yes, because there's so many, but I will. I would say, just in general, I truly am like warm tea in Hennessy. it depends on, what we need at that moment.
but I am an international host. I am a transformation coach. I help folks leveraging and utilizing strategy to build lives that feel as good as they look.
Yes. And you're also a mama. Yes. Straight milf out here in these streets. Okay. Okay. So we have a lot of things to chat about today. And quite frankly, when I was preparing for this, I was like, damn, which angle I want to go with first.
You see, it's the octopus for me. It's the octopus. Which way I want to go with first. so let's start with the bonjinje. So tell me, tell us some
bonchinche. So I think the, one of the things that I've been doing a lot more of is honoring and owning my truth, whether or not it's comfortable or works for others.
And so a little bit of, little. Sprinkle is I really dislike, or I've been really having a difficult time with how motherhood marriage and everything in between is marketed to us from the time we can understand and watch a Disney movie. It's like, there's this Prince charming, who's going to come and solve all your problems and you're going to become a mother and it's going to be the most beautiful thing ever.
And you're going to ride off into the sunset and it's all going to be great. And it's like, that's some bullshit. I believe in the fairytale. Yeah, okay.
Somebody gonna come and whisk me off my feet. Okay. And offer me all the things. Okay. You don't, you don't think
it's possible? You're dealing with humans.
So what? Humans gone human.
Humans gone human, but yeah, it's not gonna be everything's gonna be in the clouds and peaches and cream. You're gonna have your disagreements, but I mean...
But how it's positioned and marketed is not that. What's positioned and marketed is the wedding. What is not positioned in marketed or hardly ever even talked about is the marriage.
The marriage is the piece in part that you want to make sure that you prepare for. What are our values? How do we fight? What happens when I'm mad at you? And we can't just stay up all night and talk through it. Like what happens when you become someone because you are ever evolving. Just like you're changing every day.
So is your partner. What happens when we evolve into certain versions of ourselves that I fucking hate? I hate this version of you. I don't know how long this shit gonna last, but I gotta sit here and stick through it, even though I don't like you right now. That piece in part, nobody has that conversation.
What happens when your sex drive is on 10 and mine is on 2? Am I outsourcing as this, this, ever so eloquent dude was suggesting we do? Not outsourcing. Now I'm not saying I would do that, but that is something that, Men are suggesting and I have loads of guy friends who do believe that like if my wife is going through a period where she does not want to have sex and not because she's sick, just because she's going through a phase, is it okay that we outsource, that we switch some, some stuff up while we figure our things out?
Marriage, marriage be hard. Kev on stage and his wife are very right. Marriage is not something that's. It's this fairytale you are dealing with a human who literally is going to go through every single piece and part and transition and challenge and triumph of life. And you're doing it with that person.
That's some hard shit. That's not a Prince Charming on a horse coming to kiss you to wake you up at your sleep. I'm not saying it's not worth it. I'm saying how it's marketed. It's trash. It's basura. It's unrealistic. Unrealistic. And so you have women and men who go into these very unrealistic situations and, and partnerships and think like, okay, she is going to cook for me, clean for me.
She's going to suck and fuck. Any and every time I want her to, she is going to be able to take care of the children. She is also going to be able to work her job and Excel and go through the ranks or build her business while also providing and giving me a hundred percent of herself, how right.
We're being false marketed to for what the standards should be for men and what the standards should be for women.
And I think it's unrealistic on both parts.
So we're gonna get more into this during the Talk That Talk segment, but this also translates to a professional setting. Absolutely. Because there's also inaccurate marketing going down, unrealistic expectations. Yeah. For both women and men and the work that you do, you work with executives and leaders to really push them to figure out how can they truly live a divine, happy, joyful life and also kill it professionally.
Absolutely, because I'm a believer. We got to do both. Like, I want the peace and the prosperity. I don't want to choose. I do not want to choose. Is that realistic? I believe that one takes a lot more intention and you don't always have them both at the same time. If I'm being very honest, because just like, I don't believe in balance.
I feel like balance is bullshit, but you have to understand that there are things that. I have different priorities at different phases and stages in your life and being intentional and explaining that to the people who are closest to you or the people who are your tribe or your community or your partners or your children is something that many of us don't know how to do because we haven't been taught how to do so.
Like, I am a single mother and I only mean single as in I'm not legally married to someone. My tribe is the best to ever do it. So I am not alone, even though I am a single mother. But even with my child, because I speak all over the world, literally, I just told you my travel schedule for the next, what?
I'm in a different place every other two days. Right. There's no way to do that without explaining to my child. Hey, this is something that I love so much that I enjoy and I will not be able to be the best mother for you. If I never do what I enjoy. So summers for me are my time. I allow her to go with her dad for the summer.
They have the best time. They enjoy themselves. And I get to be free as a jaybird doing all the things that nurture and fill my cup so that then when I get her back, because I have her, you know, the rest of the year, the entire school year, it's okay. I've, I've, I filled my cup so well, I'm able to serve her from.
From a, a full place. And even when my cup is starting to dwindle with her, I tell her, Hey, mommy's going to go do this because I have to take time for me to the peace and the prosperity. I let the right hand do one thing, which is focused on the peace for me, because peace is primary for me and I'm right handed.
So it's my primary. And then the other hand is the prosperity because that matters to me too. So, yeah, it's tough.
Yeah, it's tough. Totally. So, you said you think balance
is bullshit. Balance is total bullshit. Talk to me about that. In order for something to be balanced, it has to weigh the same. By definition.
Like, we ain't even, this isn't an opinion. This is by definition. So, there's no need to, you know, shout us out in the comments. By definition, in order for something to be balanced, it has to weigh the same. There is no way you can tell me that your child weighs the same as your job. Or your partner weighs the same as your friends.
That is inaccurate. Yourself weighs the same as your job. That's just not, they don't weigh the same. But what I do believe in is prioritization depending on the stage and phase of life you're in. So one of my really, really dope, amazing executive coaching clients, she is a high ranking official, right? And so one of the things that we were discussing is we went through what's your entire schedule for the day.
What's your entire schedule for the day? And we went through each part of each hour of her day from the time she gets up and picks up that phone, because she said that's the first thing that she does to when she finally lays down in the bed and picks up her phone again, because that's the last thing she does, which time in there is intentionally set for you.
And then what's the goal that you want? Her goal was simple. I just want to be able to spend an hour of my day only doing what I want to do. Okay, bet. How do we set that up? What does that look like? What supports do you need? No, we're not taught to be intentional about what fills our cup back up. One time a week she has to go and I call it playing.
I call it playing. We date. All we date other people all the time, and I firmly believe in dating. We can talk about that later, too, but we date other people all the time, but we never think. Let me date and nurture myself. I'm so good now and nurturing me that I'm able to even when I date because I'm single till I'm married.
So I date all the all the people. even when I'm dating them, I'm able to quickly define and see, does this person work for me? Does do they align with what I know I need simply because it. I'm so good at providing for myself what I know I need in order to thrive. So let's talk about that because.
I truly believe for you to get intentional about you, that takes process.
Absolutely. And that is a journey. Yes. So, what was that journey like for you and how did you get here to set these kind of, this kind of intention? I got low as
fuck. Like, like low twerking low or like, I do that too, but no, just really, really low in how I felt about myself, my sense of self worth, my sense of self love.
Like I was in a really low, deep, dark place, like kind of like the belly of the whale for those who have ever read the story of Jonah. It was just such a dark place. And I was just like, well, what happens if I make a different decision? And I keep making a different decision. And I decide to focus my attention elsewhere.
And when things still get hard and I still have to cry and I still go through really, really dark moments and spaces and places, what happens if I have better tools to be able to dig myself out quicker? So I'm not. In deep depression for six months, maybe it's a wave that I'm navigating for two weeks versus six months.
And so when you get that low, it really is making a commitment to figuring you out. Nobody fucking wants to figure themselves out, but you expect to, again, this is where I say the marketing is bullshit. You expect to not know who you are, to not know what you love, to not know what you like, to not know what works for you.
You expect to not know. Any of that shit. But you are supposed to get with this person who is going to automatically know all these things because they love you and they like you and they are supposed to fix all of the things that are wrong with you. And then you get really frustrated and pissed off when you get the man or the woman.
If that's shit thing you, you get the, or they or or them or the, they . You get the person, the human. When you get the human and then you get the tiny humans. 'cause let's say you want tiny humans as. Well, you get the house, you get the car, you get the promotion, you get all the things and you're still fucking miserable.
Right? And it's like, what just happened? Why aren't I happy yet? And it's because you cannot buy your way. You could not fuck your way. You cannot travel your way. You cannot, you can't sleep your way. Into wholeness and fulfillment, you have to get really, really intentional about discovering who am I, why was I created?
What value do I add? And what is the purpose that I know? I was literally, you know, it was embedded in me. What is that purpose? And how will I fulfill that? Why do you
think it takes somebody and? I'm speaking from experience, you and I coach multiple people, and usually it takes something dramatic.
Catastrophic. Right. For like a turnaround to happen. Even though you hear the advice of people who have found themselves, who have become intentional about the way that they move. And they talk about the magic, right, that happens and the freedom and the surrendering and all the things. But we still need something.
Crazy to go down, back up against the wall, hands behind our back for us to say, Okay, now I gotta do something.
I'mma be a little baby
that's gonna listen. Right, like now's the time. Yes. Now that shit hit the fan, now I gotta do it. Like,
now I'mma turn around and listen.
How can we avoid that? why is that?
Like, why we gotta wait until we're completely down for us to really be intentional about our blow up?
Cause we busy and for many of us, we live in societies that require us to work our ass off to provide a A lifestyle, and I'm not even talking about fancy, fancy. I'm talking about, you know, just the standard.
Like baby six figures. Yeah, the baby six figures. And if you think about it, most of America doesn't even make that. Only 10 percent of the country does. Literally, so let's say to hit 50, 000. Like we not even going. Can we talk about this for
a second though? Girl, yes we can. Cause, alright, so only 10 percent of the country is six figures.
You know on what percent men
make that six figures? Hmm. I already know you finna tell me
it's about three to 4%. That's where we at for the fellas. So with this whole marketing expectation and all of that, it was a reality check. I think for a lot of women to know that, Hey, listen, it's a small little crew to pick from.
If you even want baby six figures, don't even get me started on life. One percent, you
know, and so here's my thing. I always challenge women who say, Oh, it's not enough men out here. It's not enough, da, da, da, da, da, travel, get out of your neighborhood, get out of your neighborhood, go to another country, expand your world view, expanded and also to expand your.
Expectation of what the man has to be. Now, I know for me what my requirements are, but my requirements don't have to be your requirements. And it is okay to say, Hey, I prefer a man who handles things or I'm okay with building with a partner. Is he kind? Is he generous? Because you can date a rich one and he'd be selfish.
Mm hmm. And to me, that's far worse than dating a man who's still trying to figure himself out, but he's willing to give you the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything in between. What was that? Listen, I'll... Don't make me lie to y'all, but you really want, you want, a partner who's going to be willing to invest in who you are so that y'all can grow together.
And I'm not saying I don't believe in building, I'm not, this ain't build a bear. I'm not with, I'm not with that. I Am okay. And I am accepting and willing of a person who is already in motion. And then when we get together, we, I mean, blow it out the park because we're already both in motion. I'm not build a bear.
I'm not about to take a piece here, a piece here, or you not doing nothing, but you finna connect into me and we, I absolutely not pick somebody else to do it, but I think the reason, like I said, to, to answer your question or even about the, there's not a lot of people expand your world, expand your,
vantage point expanded. If you're only looking at, okay, the people in my neighborhood or even the people in my city, I date internationally. If we keeping it a buck, I can't, I
date internationally with you. Okay. Hold on. All right. We're going to get into the whole dating thing. Cause I will keep going there.
Cause you know, but let's talk about the professional side of things. So first let's get back to the question about how people have to wait. Yes. They have to wait until shit hits the fan in order for them to.
It's because we're busy. We're busy. We're busy. We're really, really busy. And here's the thing.
We're busy with all the things. Whether or not you have kids, you still busy as hell. You got to make money. If you're a single person, you're doing it 100 percent by yourself, you know, unless you got a little sugar daddy. And listen, I do not judge. Okay. That's, that's your business. A sugar daddy or sugar mama.
Cause you know. Yeah. The women's
got the, got the coins. I feel like they messing up the game, but anyway.
But if you're doing it by yourself, that means the primary responsibility is on you. Right. You want to spend time with friends because it's not, it's not, you know, good for man or woman to be alone.
Like, we go through things when we are super alone. So we crave that connection, that touch. There's so much outside of you that you want. And then... And I hate to be this person, but then when you're looking at Instagram and you see the people doing all the things, which most of it is fake, like if we're being very honest, but people are looking at the fake portrayal of someone's life thinking I want that.
So then they do whatever it takes to try and get that. And then again, why aren't I happy once they finally have it? And so I think for a lot of us, and it's. What I, what I do with a lot of my, coaching clients is, is I, I created this thing called leader alarms, right? And anybody can do it. You literally, it's identifying yellow, orange, and red to be more intentional.
You've got to figure out what is yellow for you, what is happening in your body. For me, I know what's yellow is when I can't be on time anywhere. Because I've got, because I've got so, so many like balls that I'm carrying or holding. I know that if I continue like that, I got a good two weeks where if I know I'm late everywhere, if I know I'm missing deadlines, if I know, I'm not sleeping, I know very, very soon again, I got a good two weeks before I'm on orange to where I'm now sick.
My body sits me down and now I'm so stressed out that I can't get out of bed on the days that I don't have to work because I'm too exhausted. So it's identifying what's happening in your world and in your life when you're on certain levels, AKA leader alarms. When the battery in that smoke detector goes out that first time, the beep, you know, it's beep.
Please change your batteries in your smoke detector. I hate hearing it. I really do. Anyway, nobody changes.
Like, how do you live like that? But, but, you know, but you just answered your own question. People live like that because you're too busy to do anything about it. So that is how we live our lives. We are too busy to recognize and hear the beep, beep, beep.
Until finally your house is smoking and it's like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Like you gonna respond to me. And so that's when you know you're either on orange or on red. Yellow is what is happening with you. What are the actions? How do I know I'm on yellow? Like right now, I'm on yellow. I'm on yellow.
I know if I don't do something to shift, I got about another, another week at me. I got a good five business days in me before I know I go to an orange to where I get sick and I get sat down by my own body. Red for me is I start closing down things. I start closing down things. I will won't be able to take my daughter to school.
I'll have to Uber her because I am now in a depressive funk. And depending on how quickly I can work my way out of it, it'll go anywhere from two weeks to one month. But that's knowing yourself. I know myself intimately. Yeah. This intimate thing. That took some time for you to like get to know yourself and take the time out to be like, What is happening to me today?
Yes. Like writing it down, like what is happening right now? And honoring
your needs. Right. Like in the morning before, I do anything else for anybody and here's the thing, I'm so not perfect like this morning that didn't happen. that didn't happen this morning and that's just keeping it a buck. Like this whole, Oh, I'm perfect and I always do it right.
That's some bullshit. Right. It's not perfect. I don't always do it right. But I say 85 percent of the time, cause I ain't even going to play pretend with 90, 85 percent of the time in the mornings when I wake up, the first thing I do after I do some bed yoga or like some meditation, I will write down in my journal, what do I need today?
Okay. Because some mornings I wake up and I'm just in a shitty ass mood. I don't want to talk to nobody. I don't want to be touched. I just want to lay here. And I allow myself to, Okay, well, why you just want to lay here? What's wrong? What happened last night? What happened this week? Sometimes nothing happened.
This is just the mood I'm in and this is how I feel. Kind of like when babies, you fed them, you've changed them, you've clothed them, and they just want to scream. Sometimes adults feel that way too. Now, I'm not going to be screaming because, you know, That's just, I feel like that's not socially acceptable.
Girl, you get arrested in Dubai for Three months in jail for yelling in the street. That's crazy. Listen, I'm gonna need us to just start thinking there. Ooh, that could be somebody's business where literally before you go to another country, 10 for a quick download where it gives you all of the rules. Especially if you are a woman traveling to countries who, you know, they're a little more strict on women with the laws and the rules and the. things, but we need to know these things because child, I would have been arrested too. Cause I'd be yelling. If you, you bark at me, I bark back. It's in our DNA. You bark, we bark back. So let's go into the time management of things and also understanding yourself. Victoria Jenn: You and I were having a conversation and we were talking about how not to become a prisoner of your business. So let's talk about that. Let's unpack that a little bit because, you know, I go back and forth with it.
So you and I are both entrepreneurs. You know, my business model is I help women start and scale up businesses. So I'm pro business. Like, let's go, honey. Let's go all the way. But then you see, you know, folks who have been in business for a while are now saying, you know what? I'm shutting down shop or I'm slowing down.
I can't take it. It's too heavy. It's not sustainable. It's not sustainable. And I toss that up to You not knowing how to manage your time and you not delegating and you making the decision and choice to take on so much instead of being intentional about where you're spending your time, how you're allocating your energy, who you allow into your space, all the things.
so when I hear things like you're a prisoner of your businessUh, no shade to anyone who has felt that way. Yeah, we all feel that way at moments, right? Because it's a, an emotional roller coaster, if you will. But as you become more intentional and more aware about yourself and become a better leader, understand how to manage teams, all the things.
I truly believe you're able to no longer be a prisoner of your business. But how can you avoid that? Like, how can you? Make sure that that doesn't happen. So again, again, the marketing, like we got to figure out how to start telling the truth, right? And in America, there's this thing where telling the truth is not okay.
Like calling a spade a spade is not acceptable behavior. And so unless you say in a very nice. Soft tone and you smile, it's a little bit, yeah, yeah. It's a little bit of a lesser blow, but yes, it is true. So entrepreneurship was marketed as this, freedom time. You own your own everything. You get to do all the things you get all this money flowing in. And the fact of the matter is, is that is not the case for most new businesses. Most of them fail. You don't make it to year three. Fuck a year five, you don't make it to year three. Why is that is again, because how it's marketed for me. When you're saying you're not delegating, you're not doing all the things for so many folks, they don't have initially the money to delegate.
And so what I always tell people to do is, is again, expand your purview. You don't necessarily have to have someone working eight hours a day to assist you. You can have someone who you hire from whether it's an Upwork, whether it's, you know, a Fiverr or, you know, those types of platforms. I think there's, some other things where you can hire like assistants and stuff, for, for really low amounts.
But the issue is, is if you have not identified and outlined all the things that you. Actually need to get done. Not just the things that keep you busy, the things that help to bring in income. Yes. Like I was, I was speaking with a girlfriend of mine the other day and she was just like, well, I want my website to be ready.
It needs to be pretty. It needs to be this. It needs to be that it needs to be M V P minimum viable product. That is one thing that white men and white women have done really, really well, minimum viable. Product. You need the least amount that you can get to go to market to start making money. So I told I was like, you don't need a website.
You really do not. I know a person who made 240 million Last year website is it's garbage. It's garbage. Yeah, super basic I know worse than basic garbage, garbage, because what they focused instead is on operationalizing their business to ensure that they have a steady stream of clients who trust them, who are not only doing referrals, but who are bringing them in on collaborative projects, like who are they are ensuring that they can deliver and deliver well.
Don't nobody give a damn about your website. This little pretty website don't mean nothing. What's your funnel looking like? How are you getting people from learning about who and what you are to then now coming into, you know, scheduling a meeting or or having a consultation or asking for more information or downloading your product or your e book or your whatever.
How do you get them from point A just learning about you to point B to point C to now cutting a check with you? You know what it is?
People worried about recognition versus revenue. Exactly. You worried about the wrong things, but entrepreneurship, the way it's painted again, especially got to do it that way.
Yes. And you don't, I do not believe you have to be the face of your business. I do not. That is something that I just don't believe you have to be the folks who I know who have made the hundreds of millions. They are not the face of their business. You don't have to be, you do have to get strategic about what type of business are you creating?
Everybody wants the fancy business, the business that they can take a picture with and it'd be cute. There are so many businesses that are not cute, but that make my homeboy this year will hit 1. 2 million and he has a janitorial business where he literally sells janitorial products to the government.
It's not sexy. He's not the face of his business. 1. 2 million. I, and I get it. There are folks who, who are like, no, you need to be the face. You need to do this. You need to do that. No, you don't have to. Now, if you want to be, hell yeah. Knock that shit out of the park. Get cute. Take the photos, go do all the things because there's nothing wrong with that either.
But I feel we have to show a much larger view of what is possible. It doesn't have to only be this one way because people was making money before an Instagram or a Facebook or a Twitter or a YouTube. These are great new ways. I don't. Ever think I'm saying, well you don't gotta do that at all. Uhuh, calm down.
That's not what I said. Right. It's a tool in your toolbox. It's a tool. Yeah. And also you wanna make sure that you got multiple tools in that toolbox and multiple streams that so that you don't have to touch everything. You don't have to touch every dollar to, to be able to make it. 'cause that's when you do feel like a prisoner, you just aor of.
W two worker. And here's the thing I love a business bestie. So don't y'all go out here quitting these jobs and these good businesses. Cause I need to partner with y'all. So stay, stay in the game. Okay. And when I hit you up, be like, yeah, I want to partner with you. It's nothing wrong with it, but you are.
Saying you're going into entrepreneurship so you can have freedom of time that don't set up your business to where it's you're now shackled to it because that's not freedom.
And that's what I mean. And perhaps that's what needs to be doubled down on, right? Which is why, like inside the Dare to Leap Academy, we literally teach you like the business fundamentals.
Yes. And structure. So that you have a strong foundation to actually bring in consistent revenue versus just gone with the wind fabulous and trying to wing it because you heard some guru on the internet streets telling you, you should do this, telling you to do that. And then you got the shiny object syndrome and you're going here and you're going there.
You're not like sticking to a plan. Yeah. And then it's feast and famine. So you go and do the things and then two. That the operations of a business, I'm not gonna lie, I have even struggled with that piece because I don't like that part of the business, like, you know, having a business manager or having a bookkeeper or your accountant to help, you know, are you going to try and pay your taxes, you know, quarterly versus annually?
Because baby, they will come, it hurts, they will come my first year in business. I thought I was the shit. I secured the most money I ever made in my 15 year career in corporate and I was already making six figures. And I was like, Oh, I'm lit. Like this is the bomb dog quorum, but I didn't understand the game on business taxes.
So it comes end year. And I'm like, okay, I'm lit, like my business is profitable. You got too much taxable income. you got to write a check to the IRS for 30 grand. And I know that's baby in comparison to some other businesses.
But it's not for a new business. Exactly. That could put you out of the game because you didn't account. Like I tell people, Oh, they're like, Oh, I just got this 60, 000. you know, check or client. And I'm like, no, you didn't get a 60, 000 client or check. You take 22 percent out of that, right? And that's how much that client is worth. Listen, 22 percent of that ain't yours. And here's the thing, you may or may not have to actually pay 22 percent depending on what type of accountant you have, what your actual taxable income is, you know, based on, you know, all the things. But that's the game that's not being marketed, right? And that's the game that keeps you in business. It's the yacht. It's the jet. Exactly. It's the picture by the Lambo. You know, it's the, yo.
And I get it. I've done that too. Yo, I've been seeing people go so far to get the, the shopping bags from like Louis Vuitton or like Dolce and Gabbana and just the bags. There's nothing in the bag, but they'll take a video. With the bag, on a parked car in the street, acting like they bought something from the store and that's their car in the street. I just Like, but you know what? A part of me feels like, if you see as a business owner, like this is what mofos are attracted to, this is what gets the people going, this is what's gonna have someone go to your site and make a purchase,
I feel them. we're all getting strung along one way or another. Okay. I understand it. My thing is, is I go back to the sustainability and like what drives you. That's why you have to get super clear on what's important for you. Because before I got super clear on what matters to me and what's important to me, I used to think that that's what was hot too.
Right. And so I would do my best to try and like get that too. And it's like, for me now. I don't even like that. I give two shits about going to buy a designer bag. I got, I got quite a few of those. What I want to do is take me shopping for some motherfucking properties. Take me shopping for that. You want to give me 10 G's?
Okay, bet. I don't want to just spend it on a vacation. I want to spend it on an asset that can be income producing. That's. As passive as can be so that again, I don't have to work for every dollar like for me and there's no disrespect to anybody else, but for me, you want to give me 10 G's as my man or as you know, whomever, or let's say you don't got 10 G's to give me, but you want to connect me.
Hey, this person here would be great for you to work with or to become a client that matters more to me. You just buying a bag or a shoe or a a fancy expensive dinner. And don't get me wrong, I like those and I'm cool with those, but that's not what's, you know, most valuable for me, right? Can you connect me and position me so that I can make more of my own money, or so that I can create opportunities that will allow me to.
If you want to just blow a bag cool. I don't want to go to a strip club and throw money at ass. And here's the thing. Nothing wrong with the naked hustle. If that's what you got to do. I am not sitting here in a seat of judgment because huh. I live in a glass house and if I throw a stone my bitch coming down to however.
For me, right? If you want to blow money fast, I got you slide it on over here. I got something. Listen, I got this vending machine business that I've been trying to get off the ground. I would love to hire somebody to just run that piece for me so that I don't have to worry about that. And then that's a good passive stream of income.
I can partner with maybe someone who is a veteran or someone who's blind because in Florida, those are the people who get to have their vending machines at the rest stops. Like point me to those. That's. That's what I want. I have this story for you. So I have a mentor. Mm hmm. Amazing dude. I asked him for a check.
I was like, look, I'm working on this project. Mm hmm. This is how it goes. This man proceeded to ask me for, well, what is the plan? What is your PNL? What is your marketing strategy? Like all the teams trying to like VC me up. Okay. But then he proceeds to tell me how he went to the strip club and dropped 10 G's because this girl was sitting in his lap selling a sob story.
And I'm pretty sure that's. Near the amount that you asked for, he didn't ask for a P& L. He didn't ask for none of that, which is like, wow, it's a matter of what
people want to do. It is a matter of what, and listen, it's his money. He could do whatever you want with it, but I just found that so interesting that, and then they'll tell you to your face how they blow money fast.
And it's like. And then it's the expectation. To me, that's why I don't be giving up coochie all the time because so you're telling me you gonna go and blow five G's with the chick that you are only gonna see once or twice a month when you go to the strip club. But I asked you to invest in something for me because it's what I want to do.
But you expect to sleep with me. huh. Absolutely not.
Gotta be smart out here, ladies. Listen. Gotta be smart
out here. Listen. And the less you give, the more they give. So, baby.
Baby. Oh, we dropping all types of gems today.
Baby. Legs is closed and crossed, and this is not. A morality thing. This ain't got shit to do with morals.
This got to do with common sense. This ain't about morality. This is about, baby, you want him to, to invest in ensuring. I always say the men in my life, they are obsessed. And excited to aid in my growth and happiness. That is literally one of my mantras. All the men in my life are obsessed and excited to aid in in my growth and happiness.
I love that. Love that. That's the energy, that's the affirmation for all of y'all out there, , affirm it. Say it often.
Yes. Put a post-it on your mirror. Let's go listen. And if I'm dating a guy who is not. Excited or obsessed in aiding in my growth and happiness. He doesn't get to stay. He doesn't get to stay.
Because I understand, like, listen, like, yo, I'm a good damn time. And I'm not talking about sexually. I'm talking about energetically. I'm talking about business wise. I'm talking about having fun. Like, I'm a good time. I I know I bring value and I add value. And there's so much goodness and richness that you get from allowing me to be connected to you.
So if you don't know how to appreciate the blessing, right. I don't care how fine you are.
Yes. It's, it's difficult, but it must be done. It's not difficult. It's that self discipline training. I'm
so disciplined. I feel like professional women. And here's the thing again, this is not about morality because I'm not the morality police.
And this is always about what, what is your desired outcome strategy? It's the strategist. I mean, what is your desired outcome? Right, right, right. If you only want to have fun with this person that, Hey yo sis, live your best life. But if you know you want more, you have to see what makes this person tick, what excites them.
How did the stripper get him to drop 10 bands and I couldn't? What was it? Okay. You don't want to know about my business idea.You want to know how you can save me because I'm a damsel. Okay, that's fine. Cool. Sure. I got actual truths that are painful, that are hurtful, that, you know, I've grown through and helped me through.
Sure, you want to hear the sob story, but it's learning too and being super open and listening to them to see what makes this person tick, what drives this person, because you are going to treat me as if, This is some VC project or you're making an investment that you want ROI on when he gave it at 10 bands He didn't even want no return on investment.
Okay. Okay. He wasn't worried about no ROI. He wasn't wasn't worried about no So that means I need you to do the same for me You know what and this is actually something that we should all keep in mind. It might seem exhausting to be strategic So, so strategic in your dating life, but if you really think about it,that's a skill set that is transferable to your business.
It's so, it is because you're going to be selling and trying to get buy in for your business all the time. Like that's your main role as CEO, business development, collecting the checks, honey, getting buy in, creating relationships, partnerships. Getting a good, strong pipeline of leads. Exactly. Good, strong pipeline of leads. There's so many transferable skills if you choose to really like be more strategic and intentional.
Listen, girl, I created an entire dating course. It's called Dating Well AF. And in, in Dating Well AF, because something that happens when women start liking somebody, and the chemicals, once the chemicals start chemicaling, all common sense goes out the freaking window.
Yes. All the things that we said we are not going to do are non negotiables. This is not what I do or accept. The moment you like somebody, it's like, well, you know, no baby, it is not a non negotiable if it changes or adjusts depending on how much you like somebody. It's a preference. And that's cool. But again, let's call a spade a spade.
We're not calling an apple an orange. We're calling a spade a spade. So, in the, and this is, this is free. Like, grab it, get it, enjoy yourself. We created a scorecard. Where can they go get it? Oh, datingwillaf. com. Okay. So, go ahead and go there. It's free. It's a scorecard that allows you to download it, and it's a weighted scorecard.
So, again, I believe in dating multiple people at a time. Mm hmm. Dating, not sleeping with, not having sex with, not sucking and fucking. Dating, right? Getting to know people. And so when you start to really, you know, not even really, but when you start to like somebody or all the people that you're dating, once the chemicals start chemical in shit change for us.
So to help us not to do that, you literally can put, you know, whatever the little let's say his name, Johnny. There's a weighted scorecard. There's over 40. 40 elements and items that you can pick from that matter most to you. And then you get to put what weight does this 50 percent this matters so much to me is 50%.
This other one is 10. Another one's five, whatever, whatever, whatever your 10 are. Once you get to a hundred, you don't even have to do the math. It does the math for you. It's Excel sheet. Then you get to now score them. One to 10 on a scale of one to 10, how much in alignment are they to the things that you say matter most to you?
Right. And then it spits you out a score. If sometimes it's 4. 2, sometimes it's 8. 6, so that you can make decisions that are in alignment with what you say you want. It tells you how close is this person to say what I really, really want. If you know someone who, spends quality time with you is really, really valuable for you and it's 30 percent on your weighted scorecard.
But this person is always so busy and they can never spend time with you. And it's a two on a scale of one to 10. That's going to bring your whole score down because they can't provide or give you what matters most to you. Hmm.
Interesting. So we really. Measuring out here, all of our engagements, super important.
So let's go into the talk that talk segment. Cause I want to make sure we fit this in because, you know, talk that talk. We talk about things that are taboo in the culture. And we were talking about how women. Are perceived as valueless, just women are less than if they're not having children. And you and I have had many conversations about the lies. And the way we are marketed to as women around motherhood.
So let's talk a little bit about the falsehood around motherhood because you keep it all the way a buck when it comes to motherhood. And I love that. I there's just too many dreams being sold out here. Selling us dreams, dreams. It's like and then you want to take away our ability to Take care of it. If we, you know, if we happen to slip up and, you know, we get pregnant and we know like, okay, this isn't what I want for myself.
But, the way motherhood is again, marketed in America is it's beyond trash. In many other countries, things are done communally. Where you have multiple generations in a home, it's not just the, the central mother and father. And it's so funny, I've literally been saying this for years. And I heard Michelle Obama say it the other day, where she was just like, It is not, it's not possible to just have a mom and a dad trying to raise some kids.
And then, dear God, if you go down to single motherhood. It's trash. Like it is the most ghetto, the worst motherhood is so hard and so challenging. And I'm not saying it's not also beautiful and good and all that, but you don't like motherhood. I don't, I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan. You're a mama. Yeah. And I love her.
And here's the thing. People like, Oh, because I say I don't like motherhood. I mean, to my child, man, fuck you. No disrespect. I mean, that in the most. Respectful way possible.
Respectfully. That's the warm tea in the Hennessy right there. Yeah, like, respectfully, but fuck you. Like, I make sure I'm so intentional with how my child is raised.
Like, so incredibly intentional. Ensuring that I honor and provide for her what she needs emotionally, what she needs physically. Right. Making sure she feels safe. You do what you need to do as a mama. But because I'm so dedicated to ensuring that I am a damn good parent. Motherhood is shitty for me because I know I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure this child has Everything that she needs and most of what she wants everything she needs and most of what she wants and that means there's so much that honestly It weighs on me.
It weighs on me. And I have a dope village, like an amazing one. My sister lived with me for nine and a half years. my, my dad lived with me for off and on for like, I think four or five years. Like I have an amazing village, but it is still incredibly challenging. The pressure, the responsibility, the requirements, the expectations, like for me, we don't do fast food.
At all. Don't like it. No disrespect to those who do. It's not healthy for you. The way America tries its best to keep us sick is a problem for me. So that means I cook a lot. Do you know how much it takes? And my kid is homeschooled. By the way, she throws it down in the kitchen. I've had the pleasure. It's like,
I like that stuff. Yeah. So for me, motherhood is kind of trashy because what? Four or five hours out of my day. I'm on the road taking my daughter to places. She's an award winning competitive gymnast. And again, I'm that mom. I'm taking her to the things. I'm sitting at the practice sometimes because the drive and back and forth is a lot like I put a whole lot into my child because parenthood matters so much to me, but I absolutely dislike motherhood because the level of support that we have in America is bullshit.
It's some bullshit and then you get mad if I say something about it. So you mean I'm just supposed to let this whole motherhood experience beat me the hell up and I'm just supposed to smile through it like, Oh my God, it's just so great and so fulfilling it. No, it don't. It don't fulfill me that it doesn't. I'm I love her. I put the best into her and I still don't like motherhood. So what do you think about society placing value on motherhood in terms of a woman is Is less than less than where she's crazy if she doesn't have kids, right? Like what's wrong with her? Yeah, like, oh, it's something wrong with her.
I don't have this by this time. Like her role is to produce.
It's to produce. I feel like that's some bullshit and it's an unnecessary pressure because every person is not meant to be a parent. Like I know I can't have a whole bunch of kids because y'all don't have to call the people on me and put me in one of the padded rooms. I'm I'm dead ass growing them from babies. Oh, no, no, no. And here's the thing. I fuck with teenagers. Oh, I love teenagers. The age that most people can't stand. Oh my gosh, I love teenagers because you have so much power to be able to impart wisdom, knowledge, understanding, give them tools, give them access to create and build whatever lives they want.
But when you got babies, Your entire existence is based off of what I do. It's too much pressure. It's too much pressure. And I don't feel bad when I say it. It's like you got to choose your pressure. You got to choose your pressure. You're going to be under pressure in motherhood and you're going to be under pressure if you choose not to have kids. Yes. And it's okay if that is your choice. I do not understand why women are ma I do understand actually. but It's, I don't think women should take that and, and, and embody it, like to, to bring it in. It's, one of, she don't know it yet, but she my mentor. Hey, Nicolette. But she said, you know, feedback is a gift.
You can choose whether or not you want to open it. You get to choose. And so for the folks who are like, Oh, well, something must be wrong with her because she don't have kids yet or she didn't do this. No, it could have just been, she didn't want to do that because it does require you to step outside of you to consistently and constantly think about someone who is not you.
And if you are not good at delegating or you, you know, once the child gets here, you care so much about doing it your way and your way only, it's going to be much harder for you. And it's okay to say. I don't want that.
Right, I don't want to go through having To cut myself open. I don't want to go through having my butthole split crazy. I just don't want my body to go through it all. And that doesn't happen to everybody, right? Like some people it doesn't happen to but it can literally be a I just don't want to be responsible for somebody else and you get to say that you get like I don't understand why there's such a resistance in telling your truth.
You get to say that. Hey, I love children, but I don't want to be responsible for one. You can also say, you know what? Children get on my goddamn nerves. I'm good. Exactly. Both are okay. It doesn't mean you are a terrible person. As long as you are not intentionally trying to harm the children. I know we got to draw the line.
Don't y'all be touching these people, these people, kids. Exactly. As long as you're not intentionally trying to harm children and you're just honoring your truth. Like I love kids. I'm great with kids. Like, oh my gosh, I just love, you know, getting them and playing with them and then giving them back to their parents.
They're blah. See you later. So Alechia Reese, this has been amazing. Oh, we had a good time. Thank you so much for always keeping it a buck, super authentic. And by you doing it, it gives other women permission to do the same for the fellas as well. Own your truth. Be comfortable in your skin. Do the work that you need to do to find yourself and find what does make you happy and what actually helps you move and groove so that when you're put in challenging situations, you know how to respond more thoughtfully.
Yeah. Versus being reactionary all the time because we know what happens in those instances. So tell the people where they can find you.
You can stay connected with me all over Beyonce's internet at Alechia Reese. And Alechia is spelled hella different because my parents got extra excited. It's A L E C H I A, last name Reese, R E E S E.
you can go to any of my websites. I will only give you one because dear Lord, it's a lot of them. you can either go to the link in my bio on Instagram or visit Triggered AF. It's podcast. com and you will literally have access to all the things. Thank you mama for being here. Of course. Thank you.
Thanks for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to make sure and leave a review. This is super important because this is how we're measured on the different audio platforms. So if you want to hear more of Banking en Cultura, if you were vibing, if you had takeaways, if you just enjoyed this episode, please make sure to leave a review.
I appreciate you so much. Until next time.