The Business of Love ft. Lauren Taylor, Calvin Souder, Crystal Etienne
Speaking on the stage at the live "#SecureTheBigBag and Love Unapologetically Summit," guests Lauren Taylor, Calvin Souder, and Crystal Etienne share their wisdom on merging love with finance. Delve into their unique experiences of nurturing strong relationships while building successful businesses. From managing a national law firm to founding a multi-million dollar company, each story is a testament to the art of balancing your personal and professional life.
Follow Lauren Taylor:
https://www.instagram.com/laurentaylorlaw
Follow Calvin Souder:
https://www.sswlawgroup.com/professionals
Follow Crystal Etienne:
https://www.instagram.com/iamcrystaletienne
If you liked this episode, you'll love our next one—it's packed with similar insights and inspiration!
Empires & Emotions: Business, Postpartum, & Marriage ft. La ChaChi & Chef Kelvin Fernandez
LIMITED TIME ONLY: FREE Workbook
Top Hacks For Entrepreneurs
Claim it Here: https://www.victoriajenn.com/freeworkbook2025
Your opinion matters! Help us improve the podcast. Complete Our 1min Survey Here: https://forms.gle/iEDvZFiTqQuKCsVH7
Join Our VIP Email List & Never Miss an Episode: Sign Up here: https://www.victoriajenn.com/bankingoncultura_vip
Connect with our Host Victoria Jenn Rodriguez
Banking On Cultura:
Don't forget to tag #BankingOnCultura or @ us to let us know what you think of this week's episode!
Full Transcript:
Hola, mi gente. Welcome back to Banking on Cultura. I am your host, Victoria Jen Rodriguez, and I'm so excited for you to be here because the next few episodes are going to take you on a behind the scenes journey of what went down at the Secure the Big Bag and Love Unapologetically Summit. I hosted this event in November, 2023, along with my partner, Cara Alwill, and we just got so So much great feedback and literally lives were transformed that I wanted to bring this to
[00:00:34] Victoria Jenn: the banking on cultura community, especially as we are approaching a new year and thinking about who we want to be, right?
[00:00:41] Victoria Jenn: And why do we want to be this person? And what is it going to take in order for us? To get there. So I welcome you to join me on this journey of how you are going to increase your streams of income entering into 2024. But most importantly, how are you going to love yourself unapologetically, and those [00:01:00] around you that you care about.
[00:01:01] Victoria Jenn: So grab your notebook, grab your pen, because mega gems were dropped. And I hope you use this information. And really think critically about, you know, how am I going to set myself up for success as we enter this new year? And I brought in the best of the best experts to break this down. So there's going to be tangible strategies that you can actually implement immediately.
[00:01:25] Victoria Jenn: And make sure when you tune in that you subscribe and leave us a review. I want to know what you think y'all. I want to make sure that we are constantly providing you value. Alright y'all, so, enjoy!
[00:01:37] Lauren Taylor: My name
[00:01:39] Lauren Taylor: is Lauren Taylor I am from Charleston, South Carolina. I am a divorce lawyer. Hence why I'm moderating this panel. Um, also just a little bit about me. I am in business with my husband as well. He is also a lawyer. Um, he recently got bought out of his firm and joined my firm. Um, so I am Very [00:02:00] intrigued by the topic that we're discussing today, and I've actually had a little bit of a pre interview call with both Calvin and Crystal, and I think their perspectives and how they've navigated this space is just so interesting to see from someone that's newly getting into it.
[00:02:14] Lauren Taylor: So I'm gonna that's me, and I'm going to pause now and let them give their full little introduction.
[00:02:20] Calvin Souder: Um,
[00:02:20] what are we doing? Just
[00:02:20] Lauren Taylor: a brief introduction.
[00:02:20] Crystal Etienne: So I am Crystal Etienne. Um, I am the CEO and founder of Ruby Love. I, I hate introductions. I have to do this all the time too. I'm telling you, I do this like almost like every day.
[00:02:25] Crystal Etienne: And I never know what to say. Like, one of my investors told me, like, I'm gonna, like, be at the bell with you. And they're gonna be like, what are you doing? And I'm gonna be like, I don't know. So, I am the CEO of Ruby Love. Um, I think I am on this panel because me and my husband work very close together.
[00:02:25] Lauren Taylor: Yes, and just tell us what Ruby Love is.
[00:02:25] Lauren Taylor: Cause that's the best part.
[00:02:25] Crystal Etienne: Yes, so Ruby Love I told you, Ruby love is a, okay, so I'm best known as, um, one of the black women, one of the top tech black women from 2019 that, um, did a 15 million deal. So I'm like one of the ones at that time that was like the second biggest, largest deal of raising. Um, I have.
[00:02:41] Crystal Etienne: Originally bootstrapped my company to over 10 million, but as of now, my company has reached over 85 million in revenue. Um, and that's me.
[00:02:52] Lauren Taylor: You still
[00:02:52] Crystal Etienne: didn't tell us what you did. I told y'all. I told you. I'm so bad. So Ruby Love is period apparel. I am the inventor. I'm not inventor of period underwear. But I do have a [00:03:00] patent that I actually wrote myself on the gusset of our underwear.
[00:03:04] Crystal Etienne: But I am the inventor of period swimwear, sleepwear, and
[00:03:08] Lauren Taylor: Women
[00:03:08] Lauren Taylor: everywhere. You see how long that took to get that out? Women everywhere are very grateful. And Calvin.
[00:03:11] Crystal Etienne: Not working. They don't want to hear from a man today. You finally got it out and you probably made 10 grand. I'm just looking here. Um, no, I'm Calvin Souter. Uh, I'm the managing partner of a law firm called Souter Shabazz and Woolridge. Um, we're based out of Newark, New Jersey. Um, but we are a national firm.
[00:03:19] Crystal Etienne: Uh, we had just had an announcement today on our expansion, um, thank you. My day to day is, uh, helping to rebuild cities across America, uh, so think, you know, large buildings that you see coming up in different, mainly minority neighborhoods, um, I help navigate that process for both the politic, politicians as well as the private sector.
[00:03:37] Crystal Etienne: So. That's kind of me and, and it's become my purpose. Um, it's more than about just money to me. So, um, I spend a lot of time doing it and I think that's why I was picked to be on this panel today. Awesome. Thank
[00:03:43] Lauren Taylor: you guys so much for that introduction. Okay, so as I was preparing for these questions and what I was going to ask, I'm coming from a background of like, I get people divorced.
[00:03:54] Lauren Taylor: So, I'm not great at like figuring out what's working in your marriage. And how is that like, [00:04:00] you know, making you guys money and how, how does that look? I see the other side of it. So, um, I wanted just to kind of ask both of you to tell us a little bit about your current partner and what it was about that person that made that switch go up in your brain and was like, this is the one I need to bind myself to.
[00:04:16] Crystal Etienne: Now I can talk about my husband all the time. That you can ask me anything, I got a lot to say about that. So my husband, um, when I met my husband, me and him both were going through a divorce. I didn't know he was going through a divorce, he didn't know I was going through a divorce. My mother had just died, um, from a sudden heart attack, maybe like a week and a half before that.
[00:04:33] Crystal Etienne: she died the day after Whitney Houston. Literally the day after that, so whatever year that was. Um, and I met my husband like a week and a half. My friend had dragged me out the house. She said, cause I'm always bubbly. She's like, you just look depressed. Like, you just look bad. Like get your stuff on.
[00:04:47] Crystal Etienne: And like, we need to just go somewhere. So, um, we went to, I met my husband at the club. she dragged me to like some lounge club and I'm just, usually I'm like jumping on tables. But that night I wasn't. Cause I [00:05:00] was like. depressed. Um, he came in. It was actually his birthday. It was his 40th birthday and he was dancing on the tables like acting crazy.
[00:05:09] Crystal Etienne: Um, and I just was looking at him. I was like, Oh my God, like this, this is the guy like. I really like this guy, like he didn't know it, he was like acting like seriously, like really crazy, like with the dancing, all types of stuff, it was his 40th birthday, so you could just imagine, and I just said, you know what, I like this guy, like I really, really like him, so he comes over and he asks me, um, what do you want to drink, I said I don't want your drink, like trying to be nasty, because I was just going through another divorce, I was already in a divorce with my husband that I was with since I was 14 years old, So I was like, okay, like, I'm in this divorce.
[00:05:43] Crystal Etienne: I just want to be single, but I liked him. I was like, oh, that's my type of guy. So, um, he brought the drink anyway, left it on the bar and left. So I was like, oh, I really like him now. So when I got my, when me and my friends were leaving, his friend came up to me and was like, oh, like, where do you [00:06:00] live? I told him I live in Long Island.
[00:06:01] Crystal Etienne: And then he was like, his friend said, um, let me have your number. I said, well, I want your number. I want your friend's number. And he went and got his friend and we've been together ever since.
[00:06:11] Lauren Taylor: Awesome. Did you have Ruby Love at that point?
[00:06:14] Crystal Etienne: I did not. I was in corporate.
[00:06:16] Lauren Taylor: Perfect. So then you guys later built, I definitely don't want to take away from you if it was all you, but did you build the brand together?
[00:06:24] Crystal Etienne: No, it took, first met my husband, my husband actually had his own business and I was actually in corporate. I was a controller, like running financials, like an accounting office. And um, it took me like a few years to convince my husband to come into my business. My husband is Haitian, so he's like, you know, like they're just, the way they're raised a Haitian person.
[00:06:43] Crystal Etienne: Is anybody here Haitian? Oh, really? No. C'est passé. But, yes. So, um, the Haitian culture is very, very, like, You know, you just become a doctor or a lawyer or you own your own business And he definitely wasn't [00:07:00] gonna come work in his wife's business He actually told me not what I remember the day that I came up with the idea of writing the patent for my business We were already married at that time and he came home and I was like, oh my god I got this great idea.
[00:07:14] Crystal Etienne: Look at this. I had it drawn on the paper like a hole in underwear and And he was like, I don't think, I think you should go back to work. And I tease him about this all the time because now we're in the business together and, you know, running a 85 million company. So I tease him about that all the time.
[00:07:33] Crystal Etienne: But it took me a few years to convince him, probably like about two and a half years to like shut his business down, sell all of his trucks. He was in logistics and then he finally came into my business.
[00:07:46] Lauren Taylor: Okay, cool. We're gonna circle back to that. But I do want to hear Calvin's story because he has a really good story about his
[00:07:52] Lauren Taylor: wife.
[00:07:52] Calvin Souder: I mean, I don't know if meeting my wife was that interesting. She, she managed the building that I lived in. Um, and [00:08:00] She was a new manager, so I was living there when she took the job. I was in a very, I'll call it, unapologetic stage of my life. Um, I was engaged beforehand. Um, and when that didn't work out, I was kind of like, I'm never getting married.
[00:08:14] Calvin Souder: Um, and my conversation with women at the time was very much so like, Listen, I work a lot. Um, I'm really busy. If you want to hang out sometimes, let's hang out. If you don't We don't have to. Um, I'll go hang out with somebody else. Um, and just to be clear, um, I do like to go to nice restaurants. I like to do things like go to museums and art galleries and things like that.
[00:08:36] Calvin Souder: Um, but I should tell you up front that, like, I'm not the guy who does that with you because I'm trying to do something extra special, like, that's just who I am. So don't take that to mean, like, I don't want to be in the chat with your friends to be like, oh, he's doing all this extra stuff, Calvin was doing what Calvin wanted to do.
[00:08:52] Calvin Souder: Um, so we, we, we actually in, in meeting each other, our first conversation was an argument. Um, I had a motorcycle that I parked somewhere. [00:09:00] One of my neighbors didn't like it. The neighbor said something. I didn't care for the neighbor. So you can imagine how the conversation went. I didn't care. I was living in a luxury building.
[00:09:10] Calvin Souder: I was like, this is what I negotiated for. I am an attorney. So I was like, you can go screw yourself. And then I learned she was a very, not only was she a beautiful woman, she was a very strong woman. And she was able to, to deal with it. And she had to deal with me in the building. Um, and over time, you know, it turned into a little something else.
[00:09:28] Lauren Taylor: Very, very cool.
[00:09:29] Lauren Taylor: Um, okay, so let's chat really quickly, Crystal, about, you mentioned your previous marriage, and I don't want to get too delicate with anything you don't feel comfortable sharing, but being as though that was a really long relationship for you, what What, like, top two things that you learned that you didn't want in a relationship from that one?
[00:09:49] Lauren Taylor: Um,
[00:09:49] Crystal Etienne: one was a cheater.
[00:09:54] Crystal Etienne: That's number one.
[00:09:55] Lauren Taylor: Oof. That's a good one.
[00:09:59] Crystal Etienne: But I [00:10:00] forgive my ex husband, because like I said, we were together since I was 14, he was 15. We have two beautiful children, um, we were together for a very long time. So And he just cheated on me and just cheated, cheated, cheated. And I think what I learned from that relationship is that you need to learn when to say.
[00:10:20] Crystal Etienne: Like enough is enough. Like it was because we were 14 and 15. I thought that's who I'm going to, you know, die with. And I knew that it was just like, like what I had, like a little before I had my daughter, like I knew that it wasn't right. Even when I got married and walked down the aisle, like I knew walking down the aisle, I, I, I remember it like it was yesterday.
[00:10:40] Crystal Etienne: Like I was like, you know what? Like, well, this is beautiful. Like this big, huge wedding, like a 50, 000 wedding. But I just didn't feel right, and I think that it taught me, like, just to let go when you know it's wrong. And when I finally Let [00:11:00] go it led me to happiness and I didn't even realize like during that relationship Like me and my husband my ex husband.
[00:11:07] Crystal Etienne: We were always like had more than our friends We were always like considered like the power couple or like, you know When you people have been together since they're like teenagers like oh my god, like they're together. It's such a beautiful relationship But my daughter told me probably like 10 years ago.
[00:11:23] Crystal Etienne: She was like, mom, you were depressed. And I was like, how did you know that? She was like, cause I didn't know that I was depressed, but I was dealing with like, and ushering out so much energy into that with someone cheating, someone not, um, like he just wasn't the man for me, but I do forgive him. I have to speak to him.
[00:11:42] Crystal Etienne: I still got to deal with him. Cause we have two children and we're like, we really kind of were more like brother and sister. In that way. So we do have a good relationship now, but I would never ever choose him as a husband ever again. And he knows it.
[00:11:57] Lauren Taylor: What do you think the dynamic is? So since like [00:12:00] you obviously, I mean, I'm probably making a lot of assumptions here, but it seems like once you got rid of him.
[00:12:05] Lauren Taylor: Life, like, really picked up in a positive way. Like, you met this amazing man, and then you built this 85 million dollar company. So, I guess, like, what part of that, like, is he jealous? That's what I really want to know. Like, does he, is he jealous?
[00:12:19] Crystal Etienne: So, okay, so, everyone in my family says that He probably wants to take a Mack truck and run it through our house.
[00:12:27] Crystal Etienne: I say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. His fiance is actually a, um, obstetrician, gynecologist. Um, they live in Park Slope. They, he still lives very, like, he lives very well. Like, but not 85 million dollars. Well, no. That's okay. Um, I think it's just a lot. Like, my husband, like, when they're around each other, I can tell, like, there's probably some tension, not tension.
[00:12:50] Crystal Etienne: I can just tell because I just know him because we were together since we were children. So I just know him that he tries to like, you know, he talks about his like obstetrician wife and I mean [00:13:00] his fiance and all that stuff. And my husband literally he does not care. Like he's just like, okay, like you come and get your son.
[00:13:07] Crystal Etienne: Let me drop him off. You know what I mean? Um, so he does do things like say if my ex husband A good example is my daughter just graduated from law school in May. Yep. Which is our child together. So we had a graduation party for her. And my daughter, for her graduation party, she brought herself, she didn't do it with me, she brought herself a Porsche 911.
[00:13:31] Crystal Etienne: So at her graduation party, like we already knew this, my daughter is like so like an introvert. At her graduation party, her father, my ex husband, gets on the mic and says congratulations to my daughter and he goes, Now we got the same car! We didn't know he had a Porsche. Like, we didn't care. Like, we could care less.
[00:13:52] Crystal Etienne: And, um, my daughter said later on, like, I don't know why he did that. And she said, I think he did that, not for [00:14:00] me, to tell You, like my husband. So we just think it's funny. So he does do things Because I never cheated on him. I was a great wife and he just was a cheater Like he literally was just a cheater and I think I think as he's gotten older He realized like he had a good woman and I think he's still like chasing that and his current fiance She's a great woman.
[00:14:24] Crystal Etienne: Like she works all the time. You still cheat on her That I don't know. Probably he's a cheater. To me, if you ask me, I'm the wrong person to ask. Yes, he does. Never stopped cheating on me, so why would it stop?
[00:14:37] Lauren Taylor: Maybe you can get her, um, gynecology office to carry your period underwear and that would just be like full circle.
[00:14:43] Crystal Etienne: No, she has asked. Me and her have, she have a good relationship, so we have. And she doesn't have any kids. She doesn't want any kids. Um, she is fine with my two kids. My daughter is 26. My son is 16. And so to answer your question, my [00:15:00] family says there's some animosity. I don't really see it cause I don't really pay attention to them.
[00:15:04] Lauren Taylor: You're living above it. You know, you gotta like look down and be like, Oh, you're bothered. Sorry. But okay. Calvin, I want to talk to you a little bit about, so obviously you are, you're a founding member of the law firm that is expanding. Um, how did you and your wife navigate that? Specifically the long hours, the time, the energy that goes into that.
[00:15:26] Lauren Taylor: I'm very well aware. So, I want to hear
[00:15:28] Calvin Souder: this. It was rough. Um,
Marker - Ad 1
[00:15:30] Calvin Souder: [00:16:00] [00:17:00] Can I give my wife credit though? Um, When, when we met, I was working in what we call big law, right? One of the, you know, big New York City. We were basically, we were really based outta DC so I was traveling back and forth all the time between DC and New Jersey.
[00:17:23] Calvin Souder: And I had assignments that would take me regularly to Ecuador and Brazil. Um, I did a lot of work in Africa at the time, so I was al you know, the nature of our relationship when we first got together is she knew that I was prone to be on a plane and. Um, and then I made a decision to open up my own firm, which was kind of like, you know, there's a lot of safety in big law.
[00:17:45] Calvin Souder: I was up for partner. It was clear that they were going to make me partner, you know, they were doing all of the courting her at the time, which was, you know, she was still, you know, my girlfriend, but everybody kind of knew. So the firm was spending money on courting her to try to make it all. [00:18:00] And I came home one day and was like, I think I want to do this.
[00:18:02] Calvin Souder: Um, and try to figure it out, and she was supportive of that. So we had an initial conversation that, you know, all the books tell you it takes you five years until you really know what's going on with your business. So the conversation was like, Hey, for the next five years, I'm going to be working a lot.
[00:18:18] Calvin Souder: There's going to be this, that, and the third. Um, I started the business in my house, like literally on my dining room table. Um, went from the dining room table to the third floor to a small office. And then it kind of just kept going and although I wasn't traveling internationally as much, I found myself working until 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning, getting up at 5, 6 o'clock in the morning and doing it all over again.
[00:18:41] Calvin Souder: So I think anyone who's in a relationship knows the stress that that can put on the family, right? Um, and we have four children too, right? So um, what I would say is you, you gotta be open and honest about what's really happening in your life, right? Um, and then you have at least the possibility of [00:19:00] navigating it together, right?
[00:19:01] Calvin Souder: Um, so it was always, hey, I got this going on. I got that going on. Uh, so she had a pretty good idea when I would be coming home late. Now she'll tell you that she just doesn't expect me to be home at any given time. It's just easier for her to deal with it mentally that way. Um, but we try to have very open communication about what's going on.
[00:19:20] Calvin Souder: And I think it's, It's also fair to note that my wife is an executive in her own right, right? So she's a C level executive of one of the largest real estate development companies in the United States. She runs their Northeast portfolio, which includes New York City, Stanford, Connecticut, like some of the biggest cities on the East coast.
[00:19:39] Calvin Souder: Um, so she's busy too, right? So it helps that we can have a conversation about what it's like to be a boss somewhere and the responsibilities like she's got employees underneath her there. She's not paying them, but she can kind of, right, she, she knows how much all those people are making, so she looks at my business, she goes, well, you got an overhead of X, [00:20:00] right, and I like to travel and do all of these other things that you gotta pay for, so you gotta go to work, um, so there's, there's some realism in that, and then there's the realistic, she's a woman, right, so she's gonna be emotional about certain things, and there's gonna be times where she's, You know, we need to talk about this 'cause you were gone for two weeks and I thought you were gonna be gone for a week and a half or in February of 2024.
[00:20:21] Calvin Souder: She already knows. Like, I'm gone for the month of February. Um, so there's, you know, you got to listen , uh, talk. Right? I think the biggest thing I learned in being a father and a husband was sometimes we just gotta hear it. You don't always want an outcome from your significant other. Sometimes you just want your significant other to hear you genuinely.
[00:20:43] Calvin Souder: And I think once she realized that I would take the time to sit down and hear all of whatever it is and did not turn around to be like, yeah, but don't you want to go to Italy? Right? Like none of that makes any sense. Like no, there's validity in how you feel, even [00:21:00] though we're doing it for a purpose and everything else.
[00:21:02] Calvin Souder: So. And I think that's always helped us. I mean, we've, we've had some very long conversations about different things. And I just say, sometimes you just got to sit and listen, right. And then be open and like, if you're going a lot, right, I've, I've changed the way that I do certain things and not always to the, to the benefit of her being able to turn around and say like, you did it perfectly.
[00:21:31] Calvin Souder: Right. Or that solved the problem. But her knowing that I've taken steps to try to solve the problem right has been very beneficial. So I used to work all the time and all weekend long. Now I was I say I might work an extra hour or two each night, Monday through Friday. But Saturday and Sunday, I am not leaving the house like that's that's for my family.
[00:21:53] Calvin Souder: Everyone knows that, um, certain vacations that I put in place will put my family down. So My [00:22:00] kids look forward to spending a few weeks on Martha's Vineyard every year. Um, and my wife knows that we'll go away and take at least a week that's just us, where I'm not answering telephones, I'm not responding to people, regardless of what the deal is that's going on.
[00:22:14] Calvin Souder: Right, so, and she knows that's hard for me. Right, it gets really hard, but um, but I do it, and she knows it doesn't solve the problem, but she knows that I'm working towards it. I love
[00:22:26] Lauren Taylor: that. I love that. Yeah, that's really, yeah. I want to go to Martha's Vineyard for six weeks. Um, okay, let's, let's get dirty and talk about money.
[00:22:35] Lauren Taylor: Um, as someone, like I said, who just went into business with my husband, um, I've had my business for 12 years coming up. So in our dynamic, everything was always separate and you know, if I wanted to go spend money on clothes or whatever I wanted, there was never a discussion. In fact, I kind of would be like, don't worry about it.
[00:22:53] Lauren Taylor: It's not your money. You know, don't worry about it. Well, now that he's bought into my business, I Can't say that anymore [00:23:00] because it is his money and that's uncomfortable and a learning curve So I guess like let's talk about the things people never can talk about like what what? Conversation did you sit down with your spouse and say like how are we going to handle our?
[00:23:13] Lauren Taylor: Finances and how are we gonna handle the firm or Ruby loves finances and like what are we gonna prioritize? How is that gonna happen while still living a beautiful life of excess?
[00:23:24] Crystal Etienne: Yeah. So Ruby love is a corporation. It's completely different than my personal life. I always tell everyone, um, my personal life is beautiful.
[00:23:33] Crystal Etienne: I have no issues. It's, it's absolutely wonderful, my personal life, but when you get to Ruby love as a business and especially a monster that is just a machine, like keep going and keep going and keep going to be fed all the time, all the time. So that is something that me and my husband deal with. But in our personal life, our finances, everything is completely wonderful.
[00:23:58] Crystal Etienne: But when we get on the conversation of Ruby [00:24:00] love, um, Um, I think when we had this conversation, I explained that me and my husband went into it when I brought him into my business. Um, I had enough respect for him because he had his own business and he was leaving his own business behind, but I knew that I needed him like excessively.
[00:24:16] Crystal Etienne: We made an agreement that, um, you handle these things and I handled. Mine. And then you have to remember that I said I raised a VC round in 2019. So now you are including another relationship into that there. So it has always worked out where my husband was in charge of the back. I am in charge of the front.
[00:24:40] Crystal Etienne: And whatever that decision is, whether you agree with it or not, whoever is in charge of that has the last say. And you can't, you can't say anything. And many times he has done stuff. I've warned him and then he learned and the same thing, not as many as his, but [00:25:00] there has been times that, um, I'll go into his office and I'll be like, you, like you just shouldn't do that.
[00:25:07] Crystal Etienne: And he's like, well, I'm going to do it and I just have to walk out and I have to accept it. And then he has to deal with the consequence in the other way around. And that has made it like very well. So we, we know that our business. It's a completely different thing than our personal life and that has worked very well.
[00:25:28] Lauren Taylor: Do you see your business as like a third person in your marriage or like an additional child?
[00:25:33] Crystal Etienne: Absolutely not.
[00:25:34] Lauren Taylor: Calvin's eyes, he was like, it's my second wife. It's my business. I know it. Your wife would agree. I'm sure.
[00:25:40] Crystal Etienne: Yeah. His is very service based. So it's different, but for when you have a consumer product and it's a corporation, we don't, I think a lot of people make that mistake and then you see it as, Oh my God, we need to like.
[00:25:52] Crystal Etienne: Like that's, no, like that is something completely, completely different.
[00:25:57] Lauren Taylor: Just out of curiosity, cause I'm ignorant to all of [00:26:00] this, what does, like, what did you delegate to him and what do you handle?
[00:26:03] Crystal Etienne: Yes. So when I say the back, we used to have a fulfillment, we used to have 54 employees and the majority of those employees used to be in the backend, which was logistics, inventory, fulfillment.
[00:26:13] Crystal Etienne: My husband handled that because that's what his, his background was in, was in fulfillment and things like that. Mine. was in the front, which is handling customer service, um, accounting, anything on the front end. Marketing, I was in charge of.
[00:26:28] Lauren Taylor: Gotcha. So like, I guess, cause when you're saying let him like own his mistake, if he makes a bad one, in my mind, I'm like, that would also affect me.
[00:26:37] Lauren Taylor: Like, it's not going to unilaterally just be like his problem, you know, it, it could bleed over.
[00:26:42] Crystal Etienne: No, it definitely is not his problem. So for instance, I said I handle customer service. He handle was in charge of fulfillment. Those two departments never get along like in no company. He used to tell customer service me, you know, the people that I was running, um, like if my [00:27:00] department don't make the mistakes, you won't have a job.
[00:27:02] Crystal Etienne: And he's right. The chicken or the egg. Yeah. So those two departments never get along. So it was always decisions on, you know, dealing with employees or. So, you know, within those departments, those are decisions that it just never gets along, but you just have to respect what that is.
[00:27:20] Lauren Taylor: Who makes the decisions about employees or do you all just defer to HR?
[00:27:25] Crystal Etienne: So that would be HR. Yeah.
[00:27:27] Lauren Taylor: Gotcha. That's helpful to know. Okay. Calvin, tell me about your second wife.
[00:27:31] Calvin Souder: Um, my wife would probably say that she's the second wife to the business. Um, if I'm being realistic, right. Some of the things that we have to work through. Um, but the money piece, we've always kept it separate.
[00:27:44] Calvin Souder: Um, I think it was just my wife was married before. So I think that in the beginning of our relationship that colored a lot of the conversation around money because she went through a really bad divorce. Um, Um, was left holding the bag, [00:28:00] right? So she was very protective of it. I personally am not a I like my money, right?
[00:28:04] Calvin Souder: Um, it's not the driving force in my life. So, um, I'm not as protective of it as she was at the time. Um, and, and as we've gone through life, I mean, we, we've both always done pretty well, um, throughout the duration of our relationship, I've made more money, but she's made significantly more money over that time, right?
[00:28:24] Calvin Souder: Even though that my, my income has gone up significantly as well. Um, you know, we end up squabbling about certain little things,
[00:28:31] Lauren Taylor: like what? Like, let's, give us an example. What's the last thing you and your wife fought over that was money related?
[00:28:36] Calvin Souder: Oh, I mean, I, so I just bought a new car, um. Ooh, what kind of
[00:28:40] Victoria Jenn: car did you buy?
[00:28:40] Calvin Souder: Um, so I just bought this new, new BMW, um, with all the bells and whistles and whatnot. And she kind of looked at me and was like, well I want this, and you're gonna buy it. And I looked at her and was like, nah, no I'm not. Um. But you can have it. God bless you. Go buy it. Um, if that's what you want. Um, so there's like little things like that because there is a disparity.
[00:28:59] Calvin Souder: Um, and [00:29:00] we've talked about it. And this is one of the things that I think, you know, you found interesting. Um, you know, I can go out and, you know, I'm known to do it. I'm a real estate attorney. So sometimes if I do a big deal, I'll have a payday some, you know, a couple times a year. That is, that's nice. Um, so I might buy myself something.
[00:29:16] Calvin Souder: I might go and, you know, you know, Guys who like nice things. I might go buy
[00:29:20] Lauren Taylor: a watch. They both love cars. Well, her husband loves cars.
[00:29:22] Calvin Souder: Yeah, um, so, and they can be expensive. And she's like, well, you just decided to go out and, you know, buy that, you know, very expensive BMW. Or, you came home and you spent six figures on a watch.
[00:29:34] Calvin Souder: Like, you didn't call, you didn't like, nothing. Like, you just came home with it. And I'm like, yeah, well, I felt like I earned it. So, that's what it is. Um, Um, but on the flip side of that though, I take care of everything that I feel like I'm supposed to take care of and it's, it's worked, right? Like I honestly, I just feel like I'm just a man in the relationship, right?
[00:29:54] Calvin Souder: So the mortgage, I still, you know, I don't ask my wife for money on the, when it comes to the mortgage or, [00:30:00] and she's upset about the car that I bought myself, but no, I bought her car, right? It's not like I made her go and figure out getting the car. I bought her car. She, we, huh? I Nah, it wasn't a peace gift.
[00:30:09] Calvin Souder: You know what it is? We live different lives, right? And I think you all know, like, men tend to think a little bit more logically, right? So I look at my wife and I'm like, You want a 300, 000 vehicle, but you drive 150, 000 miles a year. It's not practical. It's ridiculous, right? Like, I'm not doing that for you.
[00:30:26] Calvin Souder: You could get a Cherokee and put as many miles on it as you want to and I won't care. Right. Yes. Cherokee, right? I know billionaires who drive Cherokees, right? But it's about the mileage, right? And I was like, you can have a more expensive car if you leave it at home and then just drive it on the weekends and do stuff like that.
[00:30:43] Calvin Souder: And then she had a test run with a very expensive vehicle and then she realized that she didn't like looking around and checking the shoulder and stuff, right? Because now people are stealing cars at a much higher rate. And the car that I have is the type of car that people have, you know, they [00:31:00] routinely break into people's homes to steal the cars.
[00:31:02] Calvin Souder: And so she had one for like three months and she was like, I just nervous everywhere I go. And I'm like, that was a waste. Right? Like, um, so we get into those a little bit, but what I've learned is as long as I like take care of what I'm supposed to take care of and two or three times a year show it with a bag or a pair of shoes or something.
[00:31:22] Calvin Souder: It works out. I
[00:31:24] Lauren Taylor: wish my husband would do that. I'm definitely the spinner. So, I guess, in my relationship, I am the dreamer. Like, I'm the one that always wants more. And it's not that I'm, like, not happy. I feel like this is a safe place to talk about this. Like, it's okay to like nice things and to want those in your life.
[00:31:43] Lauren Taylor: To not feel bad about wanting, wanting it. That was one of my things I wrote down. That I feel that I have to quiet myself because I want things. And I want, I want a happy life. I want my family to be, you know, taken care of and healthy. But which, like, I guess my husband is always the logical one. That's like, [00:32:00] well, let's maybe wait on this.
[00:32:02] Lauren Taylor: And I'm like, oh no, we got to do this. And in, in all reality, he kicks himself. Because like, for instance, in 2021, um. I just was like on Zillow board and was like, I want to buy this really expensive house. And it was like three times the price of the house we were living in. And I had no idea that we, we could afford that.
[00:32:19] Lauren Taylor: In fact, he told me we couldn't afford it. And then I being me was like, I'm going to ask somebody that really knows. And so I asked my accountant and my banker and he was like, yeah, that's actually a great idea. The interest rates were really low. And so I like bulldozed him and we custom built our dream home that we now have a million dollars in equity in.
[00:32:36] Lauren Taylor: Right before the rates went up to 8%. So how do you balance like who's the dreamer and who's the one that's kind of reigning you in, or are you both dreamers? And how does that work?
[00:32:46] Crystal Etienne: So, in my relationship,
Marker - Ad 2
[00:32:50] Crystal Etienne: [00:33:00] [00:34:00] My husband, actually, ever since this last conversation that we had on the phone, My husband has added another car that I told y'all.
[00:34:34] Crystal Etienne: It's a Maybach. To the Rasta. My husband has every dream car you can think of. Like, literally, every dream car you can think of except a Bugatti. I told him I will, like, kick that ass. If you come with that, so he has at one point we right now I think we have five cars But at one point we had seven cars my cut my husband is a car person He is hands down a car [00:35:00] person.
[00:35:00] Crystal Etienne: Like I said, we have every Ferrari Like we have it But like when he does these things, it doesn't bother me because we have built up a life even before we were together, like where we are able to do those things. My husband, when we, how we ended up, I'll give you a good story of what happens all the time because it just happened after this call that we had.
[00:35:26] Crystal Etienne: My husband drove to Connecticut and we went to, we actually went to, um, I think, um, Bentley first. So he's like, Oh, I'm just going to drive up. We live in Long Island. He drove to some place in Connecticut. So he's like, Oh, I'm going to go down the block. They had the car sitting there. So when I walked in, I said, Oh my God, this is nice.
[00:35:45] Crystal Etienne: Like, I like the strip going down. Two hours later, we were driving home with the car. He does this to me all the time, but I know that that's what he likes. We can afford to do it.[00:36:00] Um, I think as you get older, I think um, as you start to satisfy your life, I think that it doesn't hurt. Just like of you saying like that you went and got the car that you got.
[00:36:11] Crystal Etienne: Like, it didn't hurt anything. I think, I think it's more of, like, what we deal with in the past. Like, maybe that's why your wife had a problem with it, because of what she dealt with in the past. But you got it, and everything is fine. So that's how I've always viewed things. Like, that's what he likes. Like, I like bags.
[00:36:29] Crystal Etienne: Like, I'm a very, very big bag person. He could care less. He doesn't complain, like, if I go and buy a bag. Like, he could care less. I have, like, over 70 of them. And he doesn't understand. Like, I see them as assets. He doesn't see them that way. But I literally think bags really are assets. Assets are different.
[00:36:45] Crystal Etienne: But he doesn't understand it that way. Just like I would never understand his car fetish. Like, I just, I just won't. He brought me, like how you said you brought your wife a fancy car. I know the feeling because sometimes if we're in my Range Rover that he [00:37:00] brought me. Like, It's a 180, 000 car. I feel like your wife.
[00:37:05] Crystal Etienne: Like, oh my God, I can't ride here. Like today, I drove my Mini. I told him last year, I want a cheap car no one's gonna see me in. So for Christmas, he brought me a Mini Cooper. And I love it. It's my favorite car. Like literally, I could park it anywhere. I'm not worried about anybody knocking me over my head.
[00:37:21] Crystal Etienne: I would never, ever understand the car fetish. I just, I just won't, but I understand that and I respect him for that and when he gets something I just know that like, yes, like, like I don't care, but I also know that it'd be okay. Just like you have your car and you have your cars and you have whatever you have and everything turned out fine.
[00:37:44] Crystal Etienne: So I think that, um. That's just always been my personality and in our relationship, how you said that your husband is the one that holds things back. Like my husband is a spender. He knows it. I'm not the spender. He's the spender. And I knew [00:38:00] that from a year in that we were together and I had to make the decision, am I okay with being with that type of person?
[00:38:08] Crystal Etienne: And that is where we just ignore things like, Oh, I didn't think, Oh, I'm going to change him. I just thought, am I okay with being with that type of person? So I knew that I had to handle things financially differently because he doesn't think that way. You can't change like how someone, you just cannot.
[00:38:26] Crystal Etienne: And it's funny because in our last, my last relationship with my ex husband, I actually was the spender. Like, my husband would have never, ever brought, uh, Mercedes. I used to want a Mercedes all the time. He's like, drive this Mazda.
[00:38:38] Lauren Taylor: Sorry to interrupt you. Do you think that maybe you were the spender in that relationship because you weren't getting emotionally fulfilled or you felt?
[00:38:46] Crystal Etienne: No, no, I just never, I just never have been. And I still think I am a, um, spender, just not. Like, yes, like my ex husband, like the Porsche that I told you, he didn't go to [00:39:00] Porsche and buy it. He brought it from like the auction. Like, he's still the same way me at that time, it was just a different thought set.
[00:39:07] Crystal Etienne: Like I didn't want that because I want it like in that relationship, I wanted a reliable car. I don't want a car from the auction. I don't care what it is. Like I want to go to the dealership and get my nice shiny car. You know, I don't really care what it is. Just get me that. So it's just a different mindset of like.
[00:39:22] Crystal Etienne: Dealing with people and you just have to accept people for who they are in a year. And like I said, I knew my husband was a spender, like literally my husband will just see something. He won't even think it. He'll just buy it if he likes it and I, he still does it like, and I'm okay with it because I just accept him for who he is because when he does that, I already done planned out something totally different where that.
[00:39:48] Crystal Etienne: That, that is, like that purchase is not going to hurt us. And I think your car example is the same. Your car didn't hurt, but for your wife, it was like, Oh my God, like the, [00:40:00] the fear of it.
[00:40:02] Lauren Taylor: What's the thing about buying the nice car, but not driving it or putting a lot of miles on it?
[00:40:07] Calvin Souder: It's just, I don't understand that.
[00:40:08] Calvin Souder: It's the, like drive the car. I think I can explain it better. Um, in the way I like to spend money just in general, right? So I consider myself an asset purchaser, not just a spender, right? So I don't mind going to buy my wife certain bags and stuff. I'm probably bigger on bags than I am on shoes, um, and jewelry, right?
[00:40:29] Calvin Souder: Because they are things that you can pass down to your children. Some of these bags and stuff, depending on the brand and how many they make, right? Like. You know, if you ever, I would have never thought I'd want to invest in like a Hermes bag, right? But my wife has one, not because it was just like, I want to just spend some money.
[00:40:47] Lauren Taylor: Do you let her carry it?
[00:40:50] Calvin Souder: She can do whatever she wants.
[00:40:52] Calvin Souder: Right, like she just doesn't carry it as much as someone would, would think. But then you end up having a bunch of different bags, right? [00:41:00] So, I mean, it, it, it works out. And once we, once she understood that I was really an asset purchaser, right? Like That I just wasn't spending crazy money on artwork that came into the house, right?
[00:41:10] Calvin Souder: That there was something behind it, right? And as my art collection grew, and it became worth more money, and different people need to come into your home to appraise it, she's like, oh, wait a second, you know? Um, or like, the investment into a safe in the wall for your watches, right? And that insurance policy comes through, and she's like, wait.
[00:41:30] Calvin Souder: This is worth what? Like, and it increases in value, right? And I don't go and I may like a particular watch, but if it has no future asset value to it, I'm not buying it. Right? So, and the same is with cars, right? So, there's that 911, right? But if you were to get a, uh, I love Porsches too. Um, but if you got, if you spent the 300 and some odd thousand on a GT3, you understand that they're only going to make a hundred of them in a year.
[00:41:57] Calvin Souder: You understand that The certain type of [00:42:00] fuel injection or whatever, like Porsche is not going to make any more fuel injected cars after next year. A lot of people are going to buy Porsches this year because those cars are going to be extremely valuable 30 years from now, right? And if you do well for yourself, I think you should be thinking about the assets that you have.
[00:42:19] Calvin Souder: Right? As you continue to move through life, right? Like what am I? You shouldn't just leave all your money in the bank. Like that's one of the most foolish things that you can do. But if you're investing in things, what is the, what are, how can you enjoy your money? Right? And still be able to get something long term out of it.
[00:42:38] Calvin Souder: Right? So you come in my office, you find art all over the place, right? I got more watches than most people would ever think to want to buy. And I'll, I'll buy more. Right. But as she's come to understand that there's a value add to it, it's, it's gotten a lot easier, but we've also sat down and said, what are some of the [00:43:00] things that you need to make you comfortable financially?
[00:43:03] Calvin Souder: So like, as these, as you see these things happen, you won't cringe as much, right? So whether it's our real estate portfolio that generates income for us. Um, you know, the different accounts that are doing different things that she has access to and then just like an emergency fund, right? What happens if Calvin doesn't come home tomorrow, right?
[00:43:24] Calvin Souder: You don't want to necessarily wait for an insurance company to, you know, whatever and whatever they're going to say. So there's a pile of money sitting somewhere for that emergency parachute. There's different things that she sees around, like, and she understands them a little bit better now. When I come home with a new bag, and it might be something that she didn't necessarily think about, she actually will go look it up now.
[00:43:45] Calvin Souder: And, and try to figure it out, and I've introduced her to vintage luxury goods dealers. Um, and she's like, I didn't realize that if you had a Louis Vuitton bag from 1978 that was a whatever, that's worth tens of thousands of dollars now, right? So, [00:44:00] shifting the mindset and communicating. So that there can at least be some understanding around what it is that you're doing and why.
[00:44:06] Lauren Taylor: I love that. I feel like the mindset and really the communication. Cause sometimes, being a divorce lawyer, some people just speak different languages. They're both speaking English, but they're not on the same page. And that is so true because you can say something in one way, And it just go completely over someone's head.
[00:44:23] Lauren Taylor: But when you say it in a way that they can be receptive to, that's the key. I think to a healthy, healthy, happy, successful marriage. Well, you guys, this was a great panel. I think I'm reading that right. Right, Kara. Okay. Um, thank you guys so much. This was so entertaining. We can close it out with just a fun, like what was the most recent fun, lavish gift you bought yourself or for your spouse yourself or your spouse?
[00:44:43] Crystal Etienne: I would say that May bag that we brought together. It's ours. Like, we don't really buy, like we buy each other gifts for things and he'll come home, but we don't really buy each other's stuff, I would say. We just get, like, what we know is [00:45:00] nice. Like, I don't want my husband buying me any bag at all. He still will try and it's not my favorites.
[00:45:07] Crystal Etienne: So, of what I brought myself, I can't even think of anything that I have brought myself.
[00:45:13] Lauren Taylor: Calvin, what about you? Any new watches?
[00:45:15] Calvin Souder: No, no new watches. Um, like I said, just bought a new car. But I think my, my favorite most recent purchase, um, as I alluded to, I like art. Um, and I've, you know, the art world kind of graduates you into different things.
[00:45:29] Calvin Souder: So I've recently been able to, uh, buy some originals from some, some of the world's most renowned living artists. Um, so, uh, two artists, uh, Frank Morrison and Marcus Jansen just released some original artwork to me. Um, so that to me is incredible. Uh, and it's at my, you know, in my house or in my office.
[00:45:53] Calvin Souder: That my kids will be able to have one day, but the fact that people can walk in, see it, understand why somebody like me would [00:46:00] want it, and not even necessarily understand what they're looking at. Or like, what the cost of it was, because that really wasn't the point. So, I would say, you know, my latest Frank Morrison and Marcus Jensen artwork.
[00:46:11] Lauren Taylor: That is so cool. I need to buy some art. I need to invest in it. We all should buy art. Yes, everybody buy art. We're in New York City. I'm sure we can find Where's Zoe? Zoe's
[00:46:17] Calvin Souder: in here somewhere. Art is an asset class. She, she puts together some beautiful, uh, art presentations. I
[00:46:17] Lauren Taylor: love it. I love it. Well, thank you guys so much for being on the panel.
[00:46:20] Lauren Taylor: I hope you guys enjoyed it.
[00:46:23] Victoria Jenn: So, so what ultimately, like,
[00:46:23] Crystal Etienne: um, Thanks for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to make sure and leave a review. This is super important because this is how we're measured on the different audio platforms. So if you want to hear more of Banking en Cultura, if you were vibing, if you had takeaways, if you just enjoyed this episode, please make sure to leave a review.
[00:46:57] Victoria: I appreciate you so much. Until next time.