How to Let Go of Your Money Trauma and Make Bank in 2024 with Dr. Sonia Lewis
Welcome back to the #SecureTheBigBag & Love Unapologetically Summit recap series. Dr. Sonia Lewis, a leading student loan expert, delves into the emotional facets of financial success. She discusses overcoming guilt associated with becoming a millionaire and how to prepare yourself for financial freedom.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to balance financial success with personal well-being.
About Dr. Sonia Lewis:
Dr. Sonia Lewis is a renowned student loan expert, leading The Student Loan Doctor LLC, a team dedicated to helping individuals navigate their student loan debt. She offers personalized coaching services, engages in both informal and formal speaking engagements, and is the author of three published books. Her expertise is particularly valuable to professionals in the real estate industry, including lenders and agents, as well as first-time homebuyers, higher education professionals, and those in finance-related sectors.
Connect with Dr. Sonia Lewis:
https://www.instagram.com/thestudentloandoctor
https://www.linkedin.com/in/soniatlewis
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Full Transcript:
[00:00:00] Victoria Jenn: Hola, mi gente. Welcome back to Banking on Cultura. I am your host, Victoria Jen Rodriguez, and I'm so excited for you to be here because the next few episodes are going to take you on a behind the scenes journey of what went down at the Secure the Big Bag and Love Unapologetically Summit. I hosted this event in November, 2023, along with my partner, Cara Alwill, and we just got so So much great feedback and literally lives were transformed that I wanted to bring this to
[00:00:34] the banking on cultura community, especially as we are approaching a new year and thinking about who we want to be, right?
[00:00:41] And why do we want to be this person? And what is it going to take in order for us? To get there. So I welcome you to join me on this journey of how you are going to increase your streams of income entering into 2024. But most importantly, how are you going to love yourself unapologetically, and those [00:01:00] around you that you care about.
[00:01:01] So grab your notebook, grab your pen, because mega gems were dropped. And I hope you use this information. And really think critically about, you know, how am I going to set myself up for success as we enter this new year? And I brought in the best of the best experts to break this down. So there's going to be tangible strategies that you can actually implement immediately.
[00:01:25] And make sure when you tune in that you subscribe and leave us a review. I want to know what you think y'all. I want to make sure that we are constantly providing you value. Alright y'all, so, enjoy!
[00:01:43] Cause it's about to get really, really good. So, I wanted to make sure that in the spirit of securing the big bag and loving unapologetically, that we addressed money trauma. Because for many of us, we have preconditions that were bestowed upon us through [00:02:00] family. How we were raised. And just society now with how they're pushing certain things down our throats.
[00:02:05] So money trauma is a big issue that is on the table and that many of us are experiencing or suppressing one or the other. And I wanted to have this conversation with Ms. Sonia Lewis because Sonia has an amazing story. Self made millionaire from Philly. Um, and has also gone through her own experiences with money trauma.
[00:02:28] So, Sonia, can you please introduce yourself to the folks?
[00:02:30] Dr. Sonia Lewis: everyone. Good evening and good to see you guys. Uh, so yes, Sonia Lewis, CEO of the Student Loan Doctors. Super excited to be here and support Victoria. The event is beautiful. I'm so proud of you.
[00:02:41] So what part do you want me to jump in and start with money? Like, where should we start? So, I want
[00:02:45] Victoria Jenn: you to start at the road to millions. What created the shift for you, and what were the money blocks you had to overcome? Because, came from nothing, came into something, and What were the mindset barriers that were happening during that time?
[00:02:59] Because, for [00:03:00] example, I have, um, a colleague of mine, a gentleman who also had a similar story, came from nothing, became a millionaire, and he felt very guilty about being a millionaire because he was raised in very humble beginnings, so he kind of felt like an outsider. So did you experience some of that?
[00:03:17] I
[00:03:17] Dr. Sonia Lewis: think I felt guilty until I purposefully moved away for a little, um, I had moved from Philadelphia to Miami and that's actually how we got closer when I moved to Miami because I realized that I needed to like literally change my environment and tell myself it's okay to enjoy money and it's okay to enjoy a new scene because the reality is if you never leave where you're from.
[00:03:41] Like ever, or if you never travel, you will not give yourself unconscious permission to experience new things. And so, travel for me was a really big part of it. And when I was looking like, where should I go? I don't know where I should move. And when I went to Florida, anybody ever been to Miami before?
[00:03:57] You guys like it? Right? So [00:04:00] Miami has a norm. It has a way of normalizing luxury. It has a way of normalizing money. And I don't, I think everybody there has, and I don't even know what they do for a living. I don't know what people do. I don't know if they ever work. I told her that. I was like, girl, it's always busy and it's always happy hour.
[00:04:15] So, um, I wanted to be intentionally in that head space because I needed to help my, own self out, and I needed to give myself distance from friends and family that were making me feel guilty about success. And if we were just a few years back, like three or four years ago, we probably would not be talking about money like this at that point because I felt very uncomfortable having conversations because I felt like a text message was going to come 10 minutes later, like, you know, I am a little overdue on something.
[00:04:45] So, and I, and I want to say this. Because you have to be very careful, and I just left an amazing mastermind. I just flew in today from Atlanta, and yesterday I was at a mastermind. I think it's very important to go to events like this, a mastermind, and, and do [00:05:00] conferences and build on yourself. So I was literally in a room with 20 other individuals that looked just like me, but I probably made the least in the room, and I don't make a little bit of money.
[00:05:10] I was in the room with other people my age that are making eight figures, and everybody say legally. Because it might have crossed your mind, is this legal or not? It's very legal. So, well, I'm going to help you out because until I was in the room yesterday, I forgot the importance of masterminding. I have to give you all the nukes, but it was so good to just hear people normalize.
[00:05:33] Like the one guy I had to sit up straight after he said it, he said, you know what, guys, I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't want to talk about a hundred thousand dollar deals anymore. I'm like, Oh, I want to talk about them. He was like, if it's not at least 25 million a deal, I'm not doing it.
[00:05:50] Right. So I had to sit up, and I was so glad that I was uncomfortable yesterday, because that means I was in the right room that. You should always try to purposefully get in the [00:06:00] room where the conversation is just a little uncomfortable because that's where growth is.
[00:06:04] Victoria Jenn: Yes, and you touched on so many points here because actually Sonia and I connected, uh, because we had a, a similar person in common and she hosted this beautiful event in Miami earlier this year in January on a yacht, rented out a whole yacht, um, and it was a mastermind networking experience. And I was in the room with.
[00:06:25] Ultra successful people, multimillionaires were in the building and it was an amazing space for me to be in because I'm like, okay, the conversations in here are different. Like I'm talking about making a hundred grand on something and then they're talking to me about, Oh, I just closed 2 million in a month.
[00:06:44] I was like, Ooh, tell me more. How can I do that? Right. But I would have never been exposed to that possibility. If I wasn't in the room, right? If I wasn't making myself uncomfortable. And there's different levels of uncomfortable, right? So, for some, you gotta know where you are and know where you're [00:07:00] trying to go, right?
[00:07:01] So, somebody's uncomfortable at a hundred grand might not be the same as somebody's uncomfortable at fifty million. Right? So there's levels to it, for sure. So, Sonia, can you talk to us a little bit more about how you manage that with family? Because For many folks of color, money has been thought about as like this negative thing, there's a level of arrogance to it, you know, there's a level of greediness, right?
[00:07:26] Because how we grew up, many of the people with money we felt were like super shady, right? So how have you worked through that and how are you training the people around you to like respect what you have going on?
[00:07:39] Dr. Sonia Lewis. True story. I think I published something on social media for the first time that had said numbers in it.
[00:07:45] And it was like a second thought, like, uh, who's going to text me first? I was kind of betting on a dollar with myself. My uncle one. He said, he calls my phone. I never forget. He was like, Sonia. I said, Hey, I'm not going to [00:08:00] say his full name. Never know who's watching. He said, uh. The Lord told me, not the Lord, that you have a thousand dollars for me.
[00:08:07] I said, well, I said, I didn't get that call. I said, then you got the right number. And he said You didn't. You didn't hear him say that. So now I got time. Everybody said you have time. You have to build in patience. Like I knew the call was coming. I just didn't know in the form and not Jesus, y'all. I said, so what's going on that you need the thousand dollars?
[00:08:29] Because a thousand is a lot of money and I don't care how much money you make and I'm not trying to be funny. I, even though I make a lot of money, I'm still very conscious and I'm still very savvy and I invest. So just to hand you a thousand to go do what, like, I don't even want to blow a thousand, right?
[00:08:43] So I'm like, so what did he say? He was like, just to get caught up. I said, well, what's on fire? He was like, well, he was like, I, you know, I have something that's overdue, like 200. I said, that's what the Lord told me to send you. [00:09:00] Now you got to remember everybody in here has to understand what they're giving limits are without a lot of questions.
[00:09:06] Like if it's a real fire and emergency, I got you. Right. But if it's like you just want to. Well, let me teach you how to make some money, but we're not just giving because if you give that person one time like that, they're going to keep doing what? And my biggest lesson was my best friend, since I was nine and one year, I realized and I didn't realize it cause I'm so busy.
[00:09:29] I had gave her in one year and this is around like July, 20, 000. I didn't say loan. I said give the car was 6, 000, the cash apps are 650, the this and the this and the this and the this. And I, and I don't know, she caught me on the right day. I said, what is going on? It was a 650 request every week, like close to every week.
[00:09:56] And I was like. I cannot fund you and your [00:10:00] lifestyle, like this is weird. And so then I just realized like in that year, like it's about to be a whole lot of no. So can I teach the audience something? Yes. Y'all want to learn how to say no? Yes. This is good. You have to keep practicing this, okay? Only, I'm only going to teach you my secrets also if you're going to participate.
[00:10:16] Do you promise? Yes. Okay, I teach my students this, so this is good. Alright, I think they're going to participate. They are. I'm going to teach you something called the Bambi. You ready? Okay. Ask me a, a question. Make up something about money. I need you guys to watch and then we're going to practice together.
[00:10:35] Go ahead. Any question about money? Well, like, can you hold or have?
[00:10:39] Victoria Jenn: Oh. Call me out the blue. Okay. Hey Sonia, I'm, I'm really struggling right now. Um, my boo just left me and I can't pay my rent and he was paying my rent. Can you help? What? He left me, girl.
[00:10:49] Dr. Sonia Lewis: Girl, now if we're on the phone, I want you guys to notice how hard you have to breathe into the phone.
[00:10:59] Empathy. [00:11:00] What
[00:11:01] Victoria Jenn: happened? Girl, he called me with Tyrone.
[00:11:09] Dr. Sonia Lewis: See, I know the babies is moving around here, but I done said something else just now, like don't call my phone. All right. So let's just say. I'm trying to keep character. So let's just say I still know I'm not giving it to her. We all agree, like, I'm not doing this. Because if it's rent today, it's going to be rent when?
[00:11:28] Next month, right.
[00:11:30] Okay. um, So, you know, Victoria, I really appreciate that you thought of me and, uh, decided to probably call me first. always leave that question open and always tell the person that you really did appreciate that they thought of you, right?
[00:11:43] But girl, in the season I am in, I just don't have it. I'm planning to do a lot of things with my money and I'm really tied up in investments. So unfortunately I'm unable to help you. Now this is where the Bambi comes in. And if you're in person with the person,
[00:11:59] you [00:12:00] leave your mouth a little open, almost like a fly could come in. But the rule is, whoever speaks first, loses. Cause some of you guys don't know how to shut up after you say no. Did you catch that? So, I'm gonna do it again. So unfortunately my money is tied up and I'm just not able to do it. And I also want you not to, women do this, don't say in this season, don't say today, don't say this week, I'm unable to do it.
[00:12:26] Little constipation look, you know. You sure?
[00:12:32] Yes or no? Now here's what's going to happen. It's going to get real uncomfortable. But who's it going to get uncomfortable for? I'm committed. I've been practicing in the mirror. I'm not uncomfortable. Do I seem uncomfortable? Might get a little parched, but you know. You sure?
[00:12:48] Damn. Okay. All right, girl. Well, I'm gonna go ahead and let you go. I know you got some other people to give a phone call to, but God be the glory. I'm gonna say a prayer for you. And if you black, you know, when somebody say I'm gonna say a prayer for you, that was the prayer. [00:13:00] And I'm gonna hang up and that's it.
[00:13:04] The thing is, it's nothing else to keep going back and forth about, right? Okay, now everybody, I need you to practice your B& B. And you guys think I'm being funny. I really do teach my community to do this on Zoom. We have the best time. Usually they have wine, so it's even better.Because when somebody asks you something stupid, you give them a stupid face. Like, for you to call my phone and tell me that you was cheating on your man with Tyrone, and then ask me to cover the rent, knowing damn well he gotta cover the rent.
[00:13:32] You stupid! So now I gotta be brought into this and you know not to be funny a lot of times I'm glad you use that example. Most people pull you into stuff. That's not emergencies. You do know that right? It was stupid You knew that the bill was coming up due but yet and I'm petty I was in your stories And you was at the bar the other night That 40 is the same 40 you just asked me for you should go back and get a [00:14:00] refund on those drinks But see that's not you know All right, let's keep going.
[00:14:01] Victoria Jenn: moment. This is good. So, let's get into, so one of the tips you offered around money trauma was to do lots of traveling, right? To put yourself in new environments, put yourself in very, oh, we poppin we gettin ready for that reception,
[00:14:09] Girl 6: baby.
[00:14:09] I feel like a pop.
[00:14:09] Victoria Jenn: Um, so one of those tips, uh, is traveling. So, you have this. Which I love, you have this ideology around poverty panties. Can you talk to the folks about what that means and what has been your process because that actually has helped you work through some of your
[00:14:24] Dr. Sonia Lewis: money trauma? I just want to get a little heavy in here.
[00:14:27] Look at her face. I love this. This is good. She already knows something crazy is coming. All right. Let me just say this. After this next segment, you may not like me, but you're going to respect it. Okay. I hope you like me, but it's actually not my intention of today. My intention today for this next part that she just asked, because we already talked about this and this is where it can get a little controversial, is that people really get offended by what we're about to say.
[00:14:45] So brace yourself. So what happens is I believe that as a woman, a mature woman, right, that you have a responsibility to upgrade your bras and your panties. [00:15:00] Frequently, now this room might receive this, I might actually have friends in here. So here's what I know to be true, women will put those things last, particularly if there's not a man seeing them every day.
[00:15:15] Now hold on, stay with me. Because, the thought is, I'm just going to work. I'm just going to work out. I'm just, and so what happens is, you're so comfortable with you, now you have old granny panties. Old bras that the boob is spilling over. No, honestly, you should think to yourself, how often do you go buy bras?
[00:15:42] Most women buy bras at best once a year. That's not something you're checking to do every other Saturday. Does that make sense? And bras can be expensive if they're brought right. But we buy a lot of stuff, like if I was to ask you your Starbucks bill in here, I'm only saying it because that's where I go.
[00:15:59] Or your Dunkin [00:16:00] Donuts bill, that's a bra. Everybody follow? I also think it's important for bra and panty to match. I can tell who's matching today, cause she claps. Now you're probably like, well where the hell is this going with the money? I know, right? You're asking. Does anybody see the correlation yet?
[00:16:17] Cause I'm about to tell you. When you are your best self underneath your garments, like your shapewear, your bra, your panties. When they are their best selves, you actually are your best self for the day. There is no way I'm about to close a five or six figure deal in non matching panties and bra. My brain wouldn't even allow it.
[00:16:39] There is no way that I want to wear panties and, and I have to be real with you because I'm a plus size woman and this is a hard conversation I had to have with myself. Your panties should come above the stomach. Some of y'all got old panties. They come under the stomach. You're not even supported there.
[00:16:56] How are you supporting the world?[00:17:00] Babe, sorry. I should have warned you about this part. So, here's the thing. The reality is, and I even do this for men. Men do this too. Men will wear, uh, wife beaters and drawers. It wasn't like a drive by shooting. Holy, holy, first off, if you, you know what, I'm going to just keep it PG.
[00:17:20] We just talk online. Like don't even go forward ladies. If it shot up, like something's not right. So let's just keep going. So I call them poverty panties. And what that means is like, if you, Oh, how do I say this? Hey kids. Hi y'all. Oh, okay. We about to read through the lines. There's a certain time of month.
[00:17:35] Something happened. Accidents happen every day. You guys following? Throw them panties away. There's a thing that I know, because I heard this in college, I'm going to save these for next month. They wash them, y'all. But it was a thought that I'm gonna have another no, this is real this happens with some people now It may not be you you grew up better and it was me at one point until my girlfriend in college got [00:18:00] me together because I was like Oh, I gotta wear the black ones because of accident and then I and then she was like girl.
[00:18:05] She was like You could just go buy some more and she just threw them out. I had to have somebody visually throw them out. So when you get home, an activity for this weekend is I want you to look at every bra and every pair of panties and say what must go. Break up with them. Because a lot of people do not throw away what?
[00:18:25] My good bra. You ever heard of that before? It was good two years ago. It's not good no more. The last thing I'll say to you is, and this is where it gets really tough. You have to think about when you're about to go out into the world, right? I always tease that the panties, the bra, the shapewear has to be right.
[00:18:47] Because if you're feeling really good about you, and let's say you have this really cute polka dot set on, I'm not trying to be funny, but you're going to walk better down the street. You're going to walk more fierce, you're going to be unstoppable, you got a little bow, a little, like, [00:19:00] anybody ever tried that before?
[00:19:01] And if you're really trying to own your sexy, here's a tip. Somebody had taught me this, and she's a wife of a multimillionaire. She said, even if I'm laying around him in sweats, She said, I have the cutest rendition, little set underneath. She said, you just never know. I said, Oh, she's about to go now. Most people wouldn't think that far.
[00:19:18] Right now, this is only important because when we start thinking about our mindset guys. So when I was coming into some money and my business was starting to take off, I was driving around my Camry and my Camry was paid off, but my bumper was a little iffy.
[00:19:33] Uh, it did a little thing and sometimes I had to push it back up, but I'm like, this is a paid off car, I'm going to keep this Camry. And then I realized, Victoria, I was like, but I really want to drive something nice because I feel better when I drive nicer things. Again, I like cars. Everybody here likes something different.
[00:19:49] And then I started to audit my car. When's the last time everybody in here actually vacuumed or cleaned their car? If not you, it got a service. When's the last time? [00:20:00] Recently? But most times, guys, we don't do that. Sometimes our car looks like a reflection of our head space. That trunk. We don't know what's living in there.
I'm trying to save you some gas mileage if you just lighten that trunk up. Sometimes, you're carrying around like a whole storage unit, right? Your extra pair of shoes, bags, like, I get it.
[00:20:22] Here's what I'm going to tell you guys, how you treat the car you have today will predicate, I believe what God will give tomorrow. So when I knew that I wanted a nice car and I didn't know what that car was yet. I just knew I had to start treating Camry better. So I started every Saturday vacuuming Camry.
[00:20:40] Now close your ears cause he knows I don't even want to vacuum no car right now these days. So it's cracking up. I see his face y'all. This is good. But I really, really, really wanted a new car. So I was like, well if I get car seat covers, if I vacuum, if I clean my dash, if I scrub in my cup holder, right?
[00:20:57] So then I set my eyes on a [00:21:00] Tesla. So I got the Tesla, and I told people, You cannot eat in this Tesla. You cannot breathe in this Tesla. Just, we're gonna go really fast and get you out of here. And then ultimately, once I brought myself a Lamborghini, I knew how to handle a nice car because of all the training that I had gave, gave myself with the Camry, with the Tesla, I had a BMW.
[00:21:22] I just had a lot of cars. But when I got the Lamborghini, I had an appreciation for it. I had suede interior almost everywhere. I don't even want you to breathe too hard. It might change my suede. You cannot even bring greasy food in here. I don't want the smell to stay, right? So I was so particular about these things.
[00:21:39] Now, I say all that to say, and I'm only giving this story as an example because sometimes in the room, we always ask for more. We want a better house, we want a better car, we want a better But what are we treating that we already have right now nice? If you're not treating what you already have nice, I believe that God is waiting for you to show him you can handle nicer things.
[00:21:57] Does that make sense?
[00:21:58] Victoria Jenn: I love that. So [00:22:00] you run the only black woman owned student loan recovery company, repayment, uh, repayment company in the country. And so you are constantly coming across people who are managing debt. So can you talk to us a little bit about, Good debt versus bad debt.
[00:22:17] What is your theory on that?
[00:22:19] Dr. Sonia Lewis: It's, it's that it's just sounds so cute when we put the word good or bad in front of it. You have to have your own philosophy with money. Does everybody know where they stand at with money? Yes or no? You can say yes or no. And if you don't know, I appreciate the honesty because I had to really dig into what I thought about money and how I wanted to use money.
[00:22:35] So I believe that money is a tool that God gives you to advance his kingdom. Period. Now I know in order for me to be a good giver, I can't be what? Broke. Good givers cannot be broke. Anybody in here want to be a good giver? Right? So if I want to give to my family, if I want to give to my community, if I want to give in terms of scholarships, if I want to give, give, give, I can't be broke, broke, broke, [00:23:00] or it's not going to feel good to give.
[00:23:02] And I know that I am a giver. Does everybody in here know if they are or are not a giver? That's step one, self assess. Because if you're a giver, you're going to have a problem with not having money to give. You're going to almost feel conflicted on the inside, or if you're not careful, you'll give from a pot that's not full.
[00:23:19] So now you're struggling to make ends meet, but so and so got it because you're such a good giver. That's weird. We got to correct that today, right? So when we talk about Student Loan Day, and, and so I run a business called the Student Loan Doctor, and so we have got like a lot of national press and accolades, and I think the thing that makes us really stand out is I'm not interested in why you have the debt.
[00:23:40] You're grown. Most people come to us with 50, 60, 200, 300. I saw recently 700, 000 double doctorate. That's her business. I'm not saying, Victoria, what happened? That's, who cares? It happened. What I do care about is how do we get you out of the debt, and how do I get you to not go [00:24:00] back in? Disproportionately African American women and Latina, am I saying that right?
[00:24:05] Latina women, I keep saying Latino. Latina. Latinas. Thank you. Women have the most debt. What happens is we see them get out of debt at age 40, 42, they go back in at 55. It's called a Parent PLUS Loan. Some of you may know of it, right? So you have to be really mindful that that 10 years, you have like, I call it the sweet spot to do something really big with your money and even up to then.
[00:24:33] And that's when we talk about like, are we talking about debt in terms of investing? You know, and the reality is guys, when you think about debt. You have to, everybody in here, I need you guys to listen to this. You have to understand your personal threshold with debt. What do I mean? Any, no, I'm not going to ask you this question.
[00:24:51] I'm just going to put myself on the spot. So, I was diagnosed with lupus. Anybody ever heard of it? Anybody know anything about it? [00:25:00] You do? Thank you. So, if you have an autoimmune disease, and there are other diseases that are triggered by what? It starts with an S.
[00:25:10] I get stressed over money. I don't want to be stressed over money because my lupus may come out of remission. Everybody following? Now you all look really good, but nobody looks like what they're going through. Would have never known she also had lupus. Does that make sense? So everybody in here has to understand what is the thing that keeps them healthy or non healthy.
[00:25:37] From a mental health perspective, somebody can get really stressed when it comes to money and it can make a peer clouded. Bad judgment. Irritated, not a good mom, not a good sister, not a good daughter, not, not a good wife because this is really bad up here because of money. So Victoria, I think what we have to start having conversations around debt because that is a thing.
[00:25:59] It is a [00:26:00] card note. It is a credit card. It is a student loan. It is whatever you invest in. But what is your personal threshold with debt? If you're someone that you don't like to owe a lot of money or you don't like to have a lot of overhead, have that conversation with yourself. Does that make sense? If you have a high tolerance, then you might be really, really, really good at investing in terms of real estate.
[00:26:25] The Bermethi, are you familiar with that? That's when you buy a house, you take the equity, and you buy another. You take the equity, and you buy another. Anybody familiar with that or have done that before? Right? So look it up, it's a book called B R R R Method, Burr Method. Very, very popular way to accumulate a lot of properties and a little bit of time in recycling the same money.
[00:26:49] So, I'm in real estate. My friend says, Sonia, why don't you just do the Burr Method and let's get these properties. Ah, threshold. Where in that [00:27:00] equation would stress me out, anybody?
[00:27:05] A debt, on a debt, on a debt, on a debt, on a debt. This is the song that never ends, like, right? And at the end of the day, you are, with the Byrd Method particularly, you're utilizing the property, maybe for rent, Airbnb, you guys following? But who owns it? The bank. So now you owe multiple mortgages. Did y'all see the economy outside?
[00:27:34] So I have friends that are in that process, and guess who's stressed out? Because does anybody remember in the pandemic, what were people told they didn't have to pay? starts with an R. Rent. Now, what if I would have took the advice and did the Burr Method?
[00:27:51] Because that's what all my friends are doing, and they're doing it well. But who would have been stressed times ten? Sonya. [00:28:00] So, when I purchased my properties, I did them all cash. I'm going slower, but I sleep well.
[00:28:08] Victoria Jenn: So let's talk about this, Sonia, and and we've got five minutes left. How can one overcome the fear of money?
[00:28:12] Because they will have aspirations to be more, do more, but if they have this fear about, Oh, you know, spending too much money or even taking on debt, right, or investing, how can one overcome that fear when it comes to money?
[00:28:29] Dr. Sonia Lewis: Well, first off, who gave you the fears, the question? Okay, let's, let's do this together.
[00:28:34] Sometimes you gotta rob Peter to pay. Money don't grow on trees. Who taught you that? Really, the grandparents, thank you for being honest. But I wasn't gonna throw my grandma under the bus, but you did. Right, so. Parents and grandparents, right? And they didn't know any better. But these are new times. There's new ways in which you can make and earn and invest money.
[00:28:57] But these things stick [00:29:00] in your head. Down to how you do things in the house. There's things that everybody in here, I'm sure does, to save a little money. But that's a poverty mindset that somebody gave us. Most people are not fearful. They're unaware. They're unlearned. Until you are in the room with other people, like I was yesterday, talking about money in a grand way, in a non scary way, and almost, can I give you ladies a gift?
[00:29:31] In a detached way. I realized that I'm a little, even in this season 2, attached to money. It is a tool. Everyone say tool. Tool. And when you start holding it like this, and you start counting it, and you start, that's too, you too involved. It'll never grow. It's scared to do anything. Because you're scared to let it do something.
[00:29:52] So what I will challenge everyone leaving this session, I appreciate you guys sitting through this because sometimes this is not that comfortable. I know when somebody said these things [00:30:00] to me, I was like, I don't like this. Like, who is this girl? You know, and to be really, really honest with you, uh, Victoria, I have to say this, there are ebbs and flows of money, right?
[00:30:09] So my business survived three years of no student loan debt, but I'm going to tell you what happened when I heard Trump say no student loan debt. Like for a while, not just a month. Remember it was a month at first? You got, y'all probably, I remember. It just kept getting pushed back and I'm like, oh my god, I don't want to lay people off.
[00:30:28] Like, oh my god I don't want to, I don't want to And I'm going to be really honest with you. There's going to be two things that are going to happen to somebody in this room. When you get put in situations and you get put up against the wall, that's how you know what type of dog you have in you. And I already knew what I knew.
[00:30:42] And I was like, girl, you about to figure something out. And that's actually, the pandemic is when I actually made the most money I ever made. I made a few million in the pandemic because I wasn't giving up my business. Now, was I doing anything with student loans? No. So Victoria, I'm going to give them some gifts they [00:31:00] can use.
[00:31:01] So, I believe that everybody in here, please write this down. This is an activity you gotta do this weekend when you get a little alone time. And also, guys, I also recommend when you leave events like this, try to maybe not go home right away. If you have to go home, I get it. But if you can always, like, go to a coffee shop, or just decompress with what you received today, it just makes the difference.
[00:31:19] It makes today more valuable. I just want you to think about three ways that you can bring in money, and I'm gonna give you the help with that, if you don't mind, because this is good. I like tangible stuff when I leave events. What are three things that you are really good at that somebody could pay you for?
[00:31:35] And then somewhere on your paper, write legally. I don't know what that means for people. Y'all think I'm joking. Like, legally is a real thing. Cause it's a lot of crafty people that take shortcuts. The most brilliant people take shortcuts because that's what they were taught. But if you put that energy a little different.
[00:31:52] You know what I mean? So legally, thank you. Three things in a way in which you can make some money. What [00:32:00] are you really, really good at? And if you don't know, I'm sure you have really trusted friends and family members that can help you with this part. So the thing that I'm going to tell you is I have the ability to teach.
[00:32:10] My mom's a teacher. My grandmom was a teacher. All my aunties was a teacher. Childhood. I was just in a teacher bootcamp my whole life, but I told my mom, I got smacked for this. I remember that. Maybe I would get a hit that you remember. Remember my thigh, you can see how I traumatized, you see how my thigh start going like that?
[00:32:25] I told my mom, I was like, Mom, I want to be a teacher. I was like, but you don't make no money, so I don't want to teach what you teach.
[00:32:31] I am a teacher, and I make a lot of money. The gift of teaching is a gift that can be duplicated and used in any format. So if you're a teacher, go teach something, right? And do it in your own form. If you are a writer, go write something that inspires somebody to do something. If you are a doer, with your hands, go do something.
[00:32:49] So long story short, in the pandemic, I think we talked about this. I started the Airbnbs. I did a Toro. I so leveraged my credit and had 13 cars. [00:33:00] And I made about 20, 000 a month on Toro. It was good. Now I follow trends and I knew when to get the hell out too. So when them cars start going down, them cars went right back to the dealer and got sold out, right?
[00:33:12] So whatever it is that you got to do to bring in a little extra, what does that look like for you? Because everybody in here, last thing, write down the number it is that you need to make a month. Like, and not your budget. Like, we know what our budgets say we need to make, but what does happy cost a month?
[00:33:30] What is you, uh, at the theater look like every month? Or what are you at a play? Or what are you, what do you guys like to do? Give me something, like, what do you like to do? The spa, thank you. I love weekly massages. That has to be built into the budget. What else? Travel, maybe every, uh, maybe once a, uh, one week in a month.
[00:33:46] What does the happiest version of you look like a month? That's where we gotta get to. That's the disconnect for most women. And most women don't think like that, because Victoria, here's the sad news. A lot of women in [00:34:00] here tend to be the strong one, and they put themselves last. But if you would rework that model to say, if I put myself first in the sense of being my highest and best and most productive self, it comes from the top down, everybody gets a better version of me.
[00:34:18] My husband gets a better version. My children get a better version. My coworkers get a better version because guess what? I just left the spa every Sunday. I'm so excited to see you, Bob. How's the kids? Could you imagine if you went back to work on Monday after leaving the spa every Sunday? You actually would like these people.
[00:34:37] All right, I'll stop. No. But that's what you have to start thinking like.
[00:34:40] Victoria Jenn: I wanna end this with communities of wealth and why it's important for you to insert yourself and also invest in opportunities, uh, to not only grow your wealth but be exposed new ways of creating revenue streams for yourself.
[00:34:57] Dr. Sonia Lewis: What I think about in terms of investing in yourself, um, [00:35:00] okay, this is going to be big. I'm going to talk about how I made my first million. When I made my first million, I only had 175 to my name. You guys following?
[00:35:10] My friend said to me, and just like today's event, literally just like today's event, it was a little smaller, said, girl, you gotta go to this event and the event costs 150. Just breathe with me, I'm just replaying this in my mind. Now, it's so funny, even when I tell this story, I still get tight, cause I remember like, I don't wanna give that up.
[00:35:29] I only had, how much? What would that leave me with? And I didn't tell y'all this was the week before pay. So I said, well, self, I was like, you already had gas in the car. This is a true story, y'all. I was like, it is food in the fridge and you could just go eat with your grandmama on Thursday. Y'all don't know about strategic planning.
[00:35:48] That's fine. This is a bougie room, I see. So I told my grandmama ahead of time I'm coming over for dinner on Thursday. So I invested in myself. Everyone say invest. So I'm sitting in the room, and Victoria, I feel like [00:36:00] this room is like me. And I'm like, if I put money out for something, or I get in a room, or I get into a coaching program, I get Anything I get into, I'm going to make my money back probably times ten.
[00:36:12] Anybody feel that way? Like when you pay for something, you're looking for what's the return, and you gotta get it within thirty days. I feel like you guys are like that. So fast forward, that 150 leveraged me to have a relationship with a gentleman named Nehemiah. And that's who actually invited me to the mastermind yesterday.
[00:36:26] We stay in touch and I told him I said I'm so glad that I literally gave my last to be here I know I'm gonna and he was really interested by me saying that this was my last and he was like Well, keep me posted whatever I can do to help and I followed up everyone say follow up You know, most people don't keep in touch with people like Victoria after this Like, you all are now in her community, or probably already were, but will never follow up on anything else that she does.
[00:36:52] Everyone say that's weird. Like, no, like, we have a relationship now. We're like, like, close. You gonna hug these? You probably already hugged them, right? [00:37:00] So, I feel like if I hug you, we're in. So I want to stay connected to the, to the source. Right. And she is just so powerful. I mean, like the flowers I had to give Victoria really quickly is, and I'm going to say this with love.
[00:37:11] Victoria always figures out how to get to the front of the room, be on the stage or in the presence of the money. Do you guys know that about her or no? You can say no. If you don't know that about her. And I said, I like this. This is my type of girl. Because most women are not that bold or audacious, and sometimes they get called masculine.
[00:37:31] Or they, you know, there's weaponizing words that people will use about her personality. But that's my type of girl. And I also kind of felt like I knew she was from up north, too. Like, we didn't meet each other up here. I was like, I gotta hold on to her. So long story short, when I invested in myself, I said, I gotta stay connected to this community.
[00:37:48] Anybody in here a part of a community? Raise your hand if you are a part of a community. Raise your hand if you're not a part of a community. Raise a hand. Don't be afraid. Yeah, okay. And the thing is, [00:38:00] did we see how many people said they were versus weren't? Now we, when we say we're not, we feel a little weird when we say no, right?
[00:38:06] It's okay. But we want to be a part of community because new relationships like this, this is where the new money, everyone say new money, new ideas live, right? So let's say fast forward. I'm going to take them right in between. you have to get with someone that can coach you up. I'm not trying to be funny, but in this season I'm looking for eight figure coach.
[00:38:27] I've done seven respectfully. What does it look like to say I don't want any deal less than a million? What does that look like? How do I say that so easily like you just said it, right? So you have to say to yourself self, I'm looking for a coach that can put me here Whatever that next level for you is everybody know what that is, right?
[00:38:46] So when we start thinking about Victoria investing in ourselves, we have to be really brutally honest even if it's on the inside, I really need to get with people like Victoria, whomever you really adore that's doing things, because I got to do what she's doing. [00:39:00] And so my person was Nehemiah, same background from Philly, right?
[00:39:03] Nothing super special, but his work ethic is out the world. And I resonated with that. No one's going to outwork me. If you want to be really honest, I am surviving right now on three hours of sleep over the last 72 hours. Because I committed in advance to being here. I was just in New York two days ago.
[00:39:22] Then in Atlanta, and now I'm back in New York with you guys. There was no calling off. There was no Victoria, I got sick. And you saw me teaching before I came here, because I have obligations. That's how you gotta be about yourself in this season. I think it's really cute when people get up here and say, Oh, I made a million, I did.
[00:39:38] But do you got a million dollar work ethic? Does that make sense? You do! You just didn't know how to apply it to the money. But most people, when you're in a room like this, I don't want to break the news to you but you're weird.
[00:39:53] So now it's time to be even weirder. Now you have to think about how to invest in yourself. And this is what I was saying to me.Long [00:40:00] story short. Um, Nehemiah, he started a seven figure coaching program. Now, mind you, he already helped me get to six figures at this point. We follow him.
[00:40:10] He put me on my first private jet. Now, when I say put me, I mean, I paid for it, but he gave me exposure. Okay. And I'm like, he been leading me wrong thus far. I should check out his program. The first year, Carol, he opened it. It was 20, 000. Is that a lot of money to you guys? Yes. It's a lot of money guys. Say yes.
[00:40:31] Like don't be weird. It's a lot. Don't. It's a lot. And I was like, now what we get again? What we gonna eat? Where we going? Like, I have these questions. He's like, yo, just send it over. Stop playing. I never sent it. I wish I could have told you I did. That was year one. Cara, do you know he stopped taking my phone calls?
[00:40:55] A whole year without my money, buddy. Like, that hurt my feelings. Like, [00:41:00] did he really, like, is he blocked? I'm not blocked. But I wasn't blocked. People go, you, you alive? You good? Okay, I can't talk. Gotta get some money.
[00:41:08] So, I saw he reopened the program. How much was the program, Kara? Thirty five. Waited that
[00:41:16] Victoria Jenn: year.
[00:41:16] Dr. Sonia Lewis: I am having a moment right now. This is a real one. I said, can I get the little sister discount? Can I pay the twenty that was on the table? He was like, a year ago, he was like, I didn't know how to make a million a month, so no.
[00:41:30] Well, I said, how do I wire it? I did not have it, I had it. But what I just told you, I had the money like this. When he screenshotted me, the million he made in a month,
[00:41:44] and I said, do you think that we would make that type of money together? Just curious. He was like, yeah, he was like with you, he was like, your work ethic, we could do it. So we partnered and we did it and we split it. [00:42:00] Do you know how many times I will hand that man 35k to have a return in 30 days of 500?
[00:42:07] Are you guys following? Some people, Victoria, I have to just say this, don't want to give up 197. Some people don't want to give up 297. 4. 97, 9. 97, because they're so fearful of what they're going to get, but my question is you should be afraid of what you're not going to get. When you don't invest and you know you should invest.
[00:42:29] Now, if this is not where you're at, that's okay. But what I do realize to be true is, sometimes the lower part of ourselves says, I mean, I don't know if I put that type of money out, if I'm going to even be serious enough to follow through. Everyone say, that's weird. Jenny, when I dropped the 35K, phone on do not disturb, there was no dating, there was no going out, there was no What we got to do?
[00:42:55] First off, if I had not had this dress on, I would have had my legs over like, what's going on? Like, what, [00:43:00] what are we going to do to get the money? He said, we're going to have long days and nights, but this is a plan and if you don't go straight from it and everybody in here, I need you guys to hear this.
[00:43:07] That was the most coachable I had ever been in my life. I am a very headstrong woman and I will debate with you until I'm not able to. And that was the actual time I shut up and it yielded results. So I do know how to shut up, right? Victoria, here's the thing. You and I were talking about this. When you invested in yourself, because we talked about when you invested in yourself too, I feel like I always know when Victoria's on a new wave, when she's just made an investment.
[00:43:39] Can I tell them how I know? I want to know. I never told her this part. Well, first off, she's actually one of the people that I really care about in terms of her social media. Like, I don't, it's like, like five people I really care about. Like, I'm like, this is good. And when she starts sashaying down that damn hallway, and she starts twirling, Carol, you know what I'm talking about.
[00:43:59] And she got that [00:44:00] red dress and she's, I said, she made some money. I know money twirl. You made some money, didn't you? I know you did. Facts. Then what she'll do is, I'm giving y'all a secret. Three days later, she'll go, You ever want to close a big client? Like LinkedIn, I'm making this up. And I'm like, Oh, she made the money with that client.
[00:44:22] Breadcrumbs. You gotta get with the people that are doing what they're doing and they're doing it happily and easily. Say happy and easy. Happy and easy. When I told you what I made, I know I seemed like I was stressed out, but y'all wasn't that bad. I would do those 12, 13, 14 hour days again, wouldn't you, Jenny?
[00:44:41] Everybody in here can do it. The reality is sometimes you just don't have a coach to do it. But let me ask you guys a serious question.If people in here really had the opportunity to go next level, would you take it?
[00:44:54] Just yes or no. No, like that wasn't convincing, yes, I'm not sure, like, [00:45:00] thank you, right? Because on the other side of somebody knowing what to do into guiding you is your next version of yourself. And the last thing you guys should do if you're not sure what that next version of yourself looks like, if you have a journal and you take some time this weekend, just you and your journal, you need to write out what the next level of you looks like.
[00:45:20] I can't help you get taller, but maybe you can get thinner. You know, you can do some things with your hair, clothes, shoes, bags, travel, like what is the best version of you look like? How do you feel? How do you show up? Where are you going? Where are you eating? Not trying to be funny. I didn't know I liked, babe, what's that steak I like with a little fat in it?
[00:45:41] bone in ribeye. Okay, and we eat at really nice expensive places, but I didn't know that that's what I like. My ass couldn't afford that. I was on the other menu. With the little strips But when I looked over to the left and it got said I like this [00:46:00] I Like lamb chops. All right. I'm not gonna be funny here.
[00:46:02] I like you like a lot of things But these things have a price tag to it. Do we agree? The very best. And it's not always about like food and items. Well, I like food, but you got to start to know that once, not if, but once I get to this next level of me, I'm going to be able to do this and I'm going to be able to enjoy this.
[00:46:25] And I'm going to be able to give this, I'm going to be able to treat this, my child will have this, my cousin will have this, my mom will have this, my dad will You should write out a list of if you could be the best giver outside of you, what would that look like? How many people would glow up as a result of you leveling up?
Now I know we shared a lot today and I know I joked with you [00:46:48] I intentionally talked about money boldly with you guys today. You do realize that, right? I did tell you that I had a Lamborghini or two. I did tell you that I lived a certain [00:47:00] way, because what I realized is sometimes when women come to these events that look like us, we don't always feel comfortable to say.
[00:47:08] I'ma be really honest with you, I feel really protected. My man, my man, my man, so I know that none of you guys will get me. No, I'm joking. I also just wanted to normalize having these conversations. Because if you can't sit next to each other and talk about your monthly investment goals, or what you just closed, or how you just did this with a stock, or what you, we're never going to get ahead as women.
[00:47:33] Men have these conversations. Like it's talking about getting some, some water to drink. If you don't believe me, ladies, you take yourself to a high end, uh, bar, let's say like at the W right. You sit two seats, three away. You be modest. Don't be sexy. You want to be actually like not seen and you get yourself your own drink and you just.
[00:47:57] You sit there and you listen, you hear the [00:48:00] conversations about stocks, you hear the conversations about real estate, you hear the conversations about trades, you hear conversations that you don't hear with women. Do that for yourselves, and you should walk away feeling like, why are we, as women, not having these same conversations about wealth?
[00:48:16] And then we will start to change it, and then hopefully we fill up the W talking about the trade we just did, or how we just burred six properties last month, or how we just closed. And that's how the narrative changed. So first off, can we really please give Victoria a round of applause for having vision for this event.
[00:48:36] She doesn't get enough credit. The way she thinks it was a no brainer to say yes to you. And I just know that whatever it is you're going to be doing or, uh, offering, I don't know if you even have anything, I don't know, but I just feel like whatever it is that you sprinkle, she sees it all the way through and the thing that I love about Victoria is that she takes you with her.
[00:48:49] It's like no woman left behind. Does that make sense? So I really applaud you and I appreciate you.
[00:48:55] Victoria Jenn: I appreciate you and Are y'all
[00:48:58] inspired right now? [00:49:00] Like, this is why I love
[00:49:02] talking to you. And this is why after going to your event, like, I mean, I fell in love with you when I first heard you speak at another event, but then seeing you in your element.
[00:49:12] And seeing you execute and seeing you doing your thing and then have the opportunity to hang out with you in Miami and get driven around in that Lamborghini.
[00:49:21] Dr. Sonia Lewis: I was like, ooh, this is my stuff. I put on the, what's that, what's that sound you wanted to keep having me do? The, the vroom, vroom, vroom. Oh yeah, the vroom,
[00:49:27] Victoria Jenn: vroom.
[00:49:28] It was
[00:49:28] Dr. Sonia Lewis: amazing. You know every time I go vroom, vroom. It was, it was a vibe. I was like, yeah. miles from the Garland to go vroom, vroom. And I'm not trying to be funny, you know, I'm still conscious so I say you want me to do it again No,
[00:49:38] Victoria Jenn: but you know, what was really dope about that is I was in lamborghinis, but they were always owned by men And now it's in a Lamborghini and it was owned by Sonia.
[00:49:47] So I was like, yes, like this is what I want to be around. And I actually had Ashley, our amazing event planner, bring me my phone because earlier today I did actually offer people a strategy call with me. [00:50:00] I did, but I only offered it up to 10 people and the 10 slots were full. But I asked her to bring my phone so we could open more slides.
[00:50:08] Cause I was just so inspired by what you were saying. And I was like, I think this is landing with people. And a lot of people are in that state of transformation. They're in that era of, I want to bet on me. I'm going to do it. I need to be about this life. And then the gems that you dropped around how you were able 175 into multi millions.
[00:50:28] We need to push that forward and we need to recycle that process. So, I asked them to add an additional 10 seats. So, it's the same process. Aren't I cute right here? You are very cute. It's the same process guys. I'm keeping it at the same price. So, if you scan it, I know some of you I spoke to earlier and you were like, I want to book the call.
[00:50:50] And some of you couldn't even give me reasons why not. Right, and after hearing today's conversation with Sonia, hopefully you got an answer, right? [00:51:00] Because once you're able to get that self awareness as to why not, then you're able to take the action. You still have this opportunity to tap in.
[00:51:07] This call is a strategy call, right? So, we're going to get into the nitty gritty of what it is that you want to do, and even if you don't know what you want to do, that's what the call is for. Like, let's figure it out. Can
[00:51:17] Dr. Sonia Lewis: Like, if you're not in proximity with someone that is already doing a million or making millions, that's why I gave up the 150. I knew that that young man was on his way to the million. And I'm not trying to be funny, Victoria. People in these seasons have to hold on when they see somebody moving so that they can go with them.
[00:51:36] Because not a lot of times people want to take you with them. It is really cute for you to just be on TV and be where Victoria's at and just be like, Hey, social media. But when you come into a setting and you say, I'm extending myself and I want you in the room with me and I want to think of you for your projects and your, and I just don't even know if they really understand the vastness of you.
[00:51:55] Like she is the money. She leverages the money. And so the [00:52:00] ideas that you're about to birth, can I just tell them, like, you're the money.
[00:52:05] Victoria Jenn: Oh, we the money. Okay,
[00:52:06] Dr. Sonia Lewis: can we get an amen on that? So ideas, execution, she's really the relationships. You know, relationships is more important than money, right? [00:52:39] Victoria: Thanks for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to make sure and leave a review. This is super important because this is how we're measured on the different audio platforms. So if you want to hear more of Banking en Cultura, if you were vibing, if you had takeaways, if you just enjoyed this episode, please make sure to leave a review.
[00:52:58] I appreciate you [00:53:00] so much. Until next time.