Empires & Emotions: Business, Postpartum, & Marriage ft. La ChaChi & Chef Kelvin Fernandez
We kick off Season 2 with the legendary Grizel "La Chachi" Del Valle and hubby, Celebrity Chef Kelvin Fernandez, with their first-ever interview as a couple. Tune in as they break down what really goes down behind the scenes of a power couple in the entertainment business.
From working with Jennifer Lopez (JLo), Romeo Santos to postpartum depression to shooting your shot on the gram, this episode is full of refreshing vulnerability, celebrating Latino love.
In this episode:
Is Being A Power Couple Worth The Hype?
Separating Love & Business
The Ugly Parts Of Marriage & Parenthood
Is Machismo Really A Thing?
Postpartum Depression & The Impact On Men
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Full Transcript:
Welcome back to Banking on Cultura. I am your host, Victoria Jenn Rodriguez, and y'all, today I got two amazing guests on today's show because we're going to be celebrating Latino love today. So, let's get into it.
So, our first guest is a singer, songwriter, actress, trained dancer, wife, and mother who has fans from all around the world that fall in love with her over and over again because of her talent and her authenticity. You know, we like authenticity on this show. Okay. She's graced stages with Romeo Santos, Don Omar as their lead female vocalist on tours. She's also collabed with legends like Sergio George, Tony, and Igor Gotay. Okay. Now, and she's Boricua. I'll put that out there.
And our gentleman who is joining us today is a Dominican from New York. He was also the youngest executive chef on New York’s fine dining scene at the age of 22, which is crazy. He is the runner up on the Food Network's Chopped and the winner on the Food Network's Beat Bobby Flay show. Did I say that right? Okay, want to make sure. Got to go to the expert here. He was awarded Top 30 Chefs Under 30 by Forbes magazine where he also competed for Best Chef in America and won four years in a row.
By the way, I've never tasted your cooking. We need to make that happen. His clients range from JLo, Alex Rodriguez, the New York Knicks, Kemba Walker, Kim Kardashian, Kanye, and the New York Yankees. And the list goes on and on and on.
It is my absolute pleasure and honor to welcome Chachi in the building. As well as her husband, her husband. How are you?
We're happy to be here. It's our first time that we do any interview together.
I know. I feel like this is like breaking on Banking on Cultura. We have Chef Kelvin Fernandez and La Chachi. Like this is a huge deal—both of you doing a podcast together. I am so excited and honored that you two allowed me to break this, get this exclusive because you have so many adoring fans, both of you, from all around the world. So, I'm really honored and excited again to have you here.
So, we like to open the show with some chisme. So, I want to get some tea. So, Chachi, we can start with you, mija.
Well, I heard that there's a new song of mine coming out on Friday, February 16th. And I heard that Chachi's going to be dropping music every six weeks for the whole year of 2024. So, the album La Chachi comes out September of 2024. So, there's a lot happening. You know, we took a little leave after COVID and after maternity leave and now that we're back on track, I just can't wait to share all of this with you guys. Like I just want to purge it all on y'all. But yeah, it's going to be fiery. It's going to be feisty. It's going to be a lot of anthems. I know my men and my women will be singing my heartfelt songs. And I did it for the culture.
And your music is so soulful. It is so soulful. It's like whenever I hear you sing—maybe we'll get her to sing today—it always touches your soul and speaks to your heart. So, I love it. It always brings a tear to my eye. Even if it's like the 10th time of me hearing that song, but if I see it live, there are so many people, friends, and family that caught me on video where I'm at one performance and I'm always like, "So beautiful. That's my boo. That's my baby. That's my wife right there."
Bonce, a little bit of bounce about me. You know, I can never stay away from television, right? So, I have non-stop filmed two shows for some big networks. Can't mention names, can't mention what type of show yet until it officially comes out. Whether it's a little preview, whether it's a commercial, whether it's a trailer, then I can officially tell you. But be prepared to see a little bit more of me on TV. And hopefully within this year a location or two where you can have my food. No more just me coming to your home.
And uh try to—you know, I got the tea on that one.
If you want the benefit—if you want the tea.
Well, you know Jersey has become our home now. You know, I’ve been born and raised in New York for the last 30 plus years and we made Jersey our home. You know, my wife is a born and bred Jersey girl, and I’m still the guy that puts in the address into the GPS every day to make sure I don’t miss my exit. Yeah, because then you got another 20, 30, 40 minutes. I was like, "Hey, babe, I messed up again. I'll be there in 45." What do you mean? You were 2 minutes away.
But those are some exciting things that are happening this year.
Ah, I love it. Congratulations, guys. This is huge. And you know, one of the reasons why I wanted to have the both of you on—and this is some bonchinche of my own—is you know, my dating life, I’ve mostly dated within the African-American community. So, a lot of my boos were Black men. And recently, like last year, around the time that I launched this podcast, one of the reasons why I launched Banking on Cultura was because I wanted to reconnect with my cultura. Like I felt like because I wasn’t going to Puerto Rico every summer like I was as a little girl, I felt like I needed to bring it closer. Like I needed to feel my home closer. Something was missing. Yeah, like something was missing. And I knew I wasn’t alone on that.
And so, around the time I was launching Banking on Cultura, I decided, you know what? I want to date within my community. Like I want to bring that Latino flair and spiciness back home. And it’s just a different way to connect and to relate. And I wanted to use the platform to celebrate Latino love because we hear a lot about gente talking about the love not working. You know, we got this drama on this side, on that side. And so I wanted to offer the opportunity to celebrate the both of you because I think all of us are in awe in the community of this love and this matrimony that you have. Like it literally exudes.
Like I remember seeing Chachi perform and Kelvin’s there with his flowers and he’s in the front, he’s filming. It is like the cutest thing and the admiration you see on both sides and the way Chachi supports you, Kelvin.
So, I would love to know—because each of you are superstars in your own right. Each of you have achieved massive success in your own right. Each of you have branded yourselves. You have created a name for yourself. Each of you is popping out here in these Latino streets. So, how did this come together?
And also, like does that create conflict within the relationship because both of you guys are so front and center?
Yeah. No, definitely no conflict. I think it’s more of—we both support each other. We’re both one of each other’s biggest fans. Aside from the people that have been there for, you know, 30 plus years, I’m her biggest fan. I’m like, no, I’m her biggest fan, ’cause that’s me now. Get it together. And now, you know, our son is her biggest fan, you know.
And as we’ve grown together, nothing is easy in life. Everything takes work, but it’s more of making sure that we both achieve our goals and push ourselves to succeed. ’Cause there’s always times where we forget about ourselves. We forget about who the f*** we are, you know, and sometimes the person that’s going to remind us the most is our partner. And there are many times where I fall off track and she’s the one that’s going to bring me right back on the track and make sure that I’m going on that narrow road and staying on the pelón right—which is one of the hardest things.
And being able to support her and sacrifice, whether it’s my mornings and making sure that I watch little man in the morning so she can go to the gym and be herself—which she looks incredible and feels incredible and has gotten back to where she wants to be. But it’s more of a mutual support of each other and wanting each other to win. Because when she wins, I win. When I win, she wins. So, I think that’s what works best with us.
So, when you first got together, was there anyone that was sliding up in the DMs that y’all both needed to like simmer down and be like, "Listen, calm down, ’cause listen—a man that could cook. And then Chachi with those curves and her moves, huh?"
So, me and Chachi have known each other for I would say like seven years, but officially we’ve been dating for five, married for almost—we’re going to be two years. Well, we’ve just had two years of marriage. But we became friends on Instagram, and it’s one of my favorite stories to tell because I feel it was just like yesterday. Just, you know, flirting with her and sending her little fire emojis when I see a little pic.
I didn’t know fire emojis was flirting though.
That’s how people shoot now. It was light. It was a little light work just going over my head, and I’m just like truly thinking it was always so platonic. I mean we literally did follow one another for like multiple years before actually meeting in person. I was a big fan of Kelvin. I knew how young he was and how he was making such big moves in his community. So, as part of the Latino gang, I was like, you know what? Like I’m rooting for this guy. I don’t know him off a can of paint, but I like to see our people win and grow and represent us in a beautiful light.
He’s done too. Look at little young Don—he’s so cute with those cute lips and stuff. But anyways—
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No, but so—we did have that relationship or that friendship where he was always like, you know, supporting me and/or like telling me, "Yo, you’re doing great. Wow, that show looks incredible. My next time off, I’m going to try to make it." Or when he was an executive chef at different restaurants, he’d be like, "Oh, you have to come through." And I’m like, "Yes, the next time I’m in town. I’m just traveling. I’m on tour. I’m doing this." So, we never kind of coincided.
And then finally, it’s like we had a serendipity moment where a friend of ours—an influencer—invited me to her party. She hired him to come and cook at the party. And I wasn’t gonna—I told her I would let her know if I was going to make it because I was in Miami working on my project. United tells me there’s a northeastern storm coming and if I wanted to change my flight, they would honor me and give me the flight like 2 days before so I could get out of Miami and make it home on time.
So, I was like, you know what, I kind of miss my family, grandma. Let me go home. And just so then I remembered and I’m like, "Hey, Marisel, by the way, I’m going to be here. I landed today, so I’m going to be here tomorrow if I could still go. It’s up to you." And she was like, "Absolutely. Your name’s not on the cup, but it doesn’t matter." And I was like, "I don’t care about no cup."
And so, when I got there, when he got there, I remember I was talking to a friend of mine in the kitchen and to my friend’s mother-in-law, and we were talking about life, relationships, all this other stuff. And I was telling the lady how I had been celibate for two years prior. Like, you know, that I was in my celibacy. And she was like, "What?" And I was like, "Yes, I’ve just honed in on my music and on my career and I’m just so focused and I feel so powerful. Energetically, it’s just—everything’s aligning."
And in walks Chef. And I was like, is it the wine or is it Chef? So I was like, I’m just going to put this wine down right here. And then—I mean, I slid into the DMs. I shot my shot. So, this is to let women know, especially if you’re an alpha female, it is okay to shoot your shot. It is okay to be let down and hear, "No, I’m taken," or whatever the case is. But it’s okay to do that.
So many times our timidness or our fear of being rejected gets in the way of potential—or of seeing the greater picture.
You see it? Those were the words that she said, too. She said, "I think we’d be great together." ’Cause I joked around and I was like, "Don’t flirt with me because you’re hungry. I got too much going on." And she says, "No, I think we’d be great together." And I said, "All right, let’s go on a date."
And here we are.
No, he was like, "Let’s go on like five dates and then I’ll cook for you." And I remember telling my friend, I’m like, "He’s very confident to think he’s going to have five."
I was like, "Yeah, ’cause I don’t want to cook on the first date. I don’t do that. It was more like, I’ll cook for you on the fifth date." You know that I was confident, of course, because I had like this big crush on her that she didn’t know at the time.
I totally didn’t. But she knew that after that then.
So, did females like use you for your food?
No, I would say they still trying it. I wouldn't say use. It's more of a like the famous line is like, "When you going to cook for me?" I'm like, "When you come to the restaurant." Like right, like that's that's the way it works. Or, "When you going to hire me?" or, "When you going to book me?" you know?
But yeah, it was one of those things where we we still laugh about it to this day cuz one of our first gifts to each other was she made this little book with all like little photos and the first photo was the DM.
So how did you shoot your shot? What did you say?
No, I shot my shot live, not through DM. I was doing an Instagram live and that's when Instagram live was brand new and I was teaching people how to cook. So she was an avid follower who tuned in and literally was writing down recipes. Sometimes I get into the moment and I don't have time too fast. I don't have all the time and I try but that's why I'm like, "Save the video. Write down the notes blah blah blah." So at one point she's like f this. She wrote, "Marry Me," and on the live, on the live, on the live for the world to see. Very public.
I see logo and I didn't see it because I'm too busy focusing on Chimmy Cher and this and that and someone sends me the screenshot and I was like, "Oh [ __ ] let me find out." So I sent the screenshot to her and that was the line. I was like, "Don't flirt with me when you're hungry. Are you hungry or you were flirting?"
I was like, "I don't know actually. I don't I don't know." And then we went to our we went on our first date and it was I'll never forget it because it was a blizzard. It was snow. It was like 4°. They were like, "Don't go out. Do not leave unless it's an emergency." I was like, "Well, this is an emergency cuz this woman is leaving for tour next week. So, it's either I see her now or I don't see her at all."
And then ironically when when we met it was like early December and then he was leaving with Jennifer until after the new year.
So, Jennifer who?
Miss Lopez. Miss Lopez, his mother. We're going to circle back to that. She's so great. Oh my god.
Jealous.
So yeah, he was leaving with Jennifer and I was leaving. I think I was with Don at the time. And so I was like, well, and then he's like, "It's really cold. I don't want you to like go out on the roads too if this is like, you know, it's a hazard." And so I was like, "Well, technically I already have to pick up my goddaughter from school, so I'm already dressed and I'm already in the car. So, I don't know. I mean, I'll take the drive if you'll take the drive."
So, we did the happy medium and we met like in the city and it went really really cute. Yeah. And it went really cute and and you know, it's funny like I was because I had been celibate for so long or energetically I had I was carrying so much like um I was like I was looking at him while we were like having our first date and I was like he was in heat. I was like I was like I just wanted to like but I was like, "No you're not a hoe like no we don't do those things you know we're classy over here on this side of the street."
And so I'm happy that we kind of like did what we did and went aside from the like you know letting little obstacles get in the way or kind of like being patient with one another. But I think that's a beauty in why this kind of like union works because it's like he understands my lifestyle and I understand his.
I think for a regular person for me to tell them, "Well, I'm not going to be here for New Year's and I'm not going to be here for Christmas Eve. Oh, I might not be here for Thanksgiving either." Like it's difficult when you're in a relationship or when you're like, "Well, I'm doing eight shows a week, so my only day off is Monday. So if you want me to cook dinner for you, I can only cook dinner on Mondays because I'm in the theater Tuesday through Saturday."
So he understood the whole lifestyle and vice versa. Like I remember one time he told me that he was being questioned at a house and so I'm like, "Oh, you know, it's Thanksgiving. You know, your girlfriend, you know, she doesn't mind that you know, you're you're never there." And he's like, "She's on tour with me right now. I really don't think she minds."
So it makes sense. Like it just, you know, it meshes well together. And so I know that in the past my relationships didn't always work because of the lifestyle and/or the scheduling and/or the cultures. So when you said what you said about dating outside of the culture, I totally understood it because I also dated outside of the culture. African-American and there was that like I love to dance and they dance but you know like my salsa, my merengue, I'm a professional salsa dancer. So I mean, you can't teach, you can't teach that those hips and little swag. You can't teach that.
No, you could try.
Right. Right. I mean, I could teach you, but I have to charge you.
No, no, no. But I wanted that. I wanted the culture. I missed the culture and/or the being able to share music or artists and and and you know, like just be like, "Yo, I love that song and what does it mean? What does it say?" Like, so not having to explain it all.
And when I found Kelvin, I just I don't know, it just felt right and it just kind of made sense and a lot of things that were issues in the past with others weren't here. And so it felt like familiar, like you know like I've been here before.
Mhm.
And I think timing, right? I think you both divine this space where I mean you willing to travel in a blizzard. Obviously there was something there for the both of you.
I don't know if to thank United, if to thank Marcel, if to thank I don't know who to thank. God, the universe, like, you know, Instagram. I never looked at social platforms like Match.com and stuff like that.
So, and if now I start to think of all the fire emojis and all the emojis and everything, oh my god, the things I have in my DMs.
Oh, I could imagine.
No, guys and girls, because the girls are very ballsy. I be like, "Oh," made me clutch my pearls like I'm going to blush.
So, the both of you are creatives in your own right. Entrepreneurs in your own right. So, what are some of the challenges that come with that? Because now you have this beautiful son that is in the mix. So, how are you managing it all?
I think it's knowing how to separate when it comes from business and then family. Like, it's always going to be family, but there's times where I know he's bombarded with work and he has his emails to send, his deadlines, his menus to curate and things like that. And I know that, you know, I need to like relieve him a little bit so that he can get it done. So, I'll make sure I have Eden even if I don't clean the house and I don't do the things that I wanted to do, I'll just I'll take the load of let me just handle him cuz Eden requires attention, you know, and so that he could do what he does.
And then vice versa, like there's times where, you know, if I if perfect example, yesterday I had to do fashion week and he held it down with the baby all day. Like he he was like, "No, go do what you have to do." After that, I went to a shoot. He was like, "He's fine. Everything's good." Keeping me like, you know, updated with what's been happening. And so, he relieves me. So, it's like a mutual thing.
And then when because we're entrepreneurs individually, but then we do productions and business together. I think that's where we have to separate, you know, husband and wife and business partners, you know, cuz when it comes to business, I am like very um I don't know what he he what would you call me? I like things to get done and I don't like to procrastinate and I don't like people who waste my time and I like paying for things so that they get done the first time around cuz you do mediocre, you pay double the price. So, I just I don't like the room for error.
I don't like the room for like like I like things to get done in a certain manner. Like there's time for play, but then there's time for business. And when she's in work mode, I'm like you better be asking her questions about work. Like especially if we're doing an event together and because I'll bark like not bark but you know what I mean? Like if you ask me something that's going to take me out of the realm in which I need to be in which is the producer, the executive producer, the one that's paying for stuff like and you're asking me something that makes no sense with anything that has to do anything for the next 48 hours. It's like what did you just ask me? Like where are you going?
Mhm.
So, I don't know if it's the fire sign in me or if it's that I'm too Latina for some people, but you know, I'm very passionate and I love what I do and I take it very seriously and I respect it and I respect my craft and I respect my fans and I respect their money and I respect how they love us. And there's no such thing as a perfectionist, but we try very hard to listen.
And I listen to people when they're like, "Oh, but you know this and this." And I'm like, "All right, baby. You know what? They said this, so maybe we should blah blah blah blah like, oh, you you got it might be too expensive. You know what, baby? Let's get two tickets out. Let's do a raffle. Let's figure it out. Whatever." So, we listen to the community as well.
So, yeah, that I think that's what's always extra hard for us when we're putting together these productions cuz once I get to work with this beautiful lady, it becomes a production. And I know that. And I'm grateful that I have someone like her that it's not just about me anymore. And I don't mind it. I enjoy sharing the limelight because we always joke around when we go out to eat. I'm like, "How many people are going to say hi to you today?" Or, "Who's going to win?" or we'll be at the airport going and I'm like yeah and it's and it's fun because we we enjoy it and I'm I'm used to getting that a lot but now it's just like all right good it's her turn let her enjoy a day of bombardment.
But it's fun. But I think it comes back to the point where we do care a lot of how much someone spends on an event with us. But people also need to understand that it takes a lot to put on these productions because we're getting these spaces raw. We have to rent tables and chairs and silverware and plates and lighting and sound and musicians and rehearsals and costumes and food and alcohol and aerialists and burlesque dancers.
And so we and of course you know again like I said going back to that word perfectionist we want to put on the most amazing show. And I know that I can turn around and everything is going to be perfect on her end and she can turn around and focus on what she needs to do and everything's going to be great on my end. So that's what makes it the most fun.
But we're going on our fourth year in a row doing the Valentine's Day event, which is special to us. It's the first time that we're doing just one day.
I thought you was going to tell her something else.
Oh my god.
What?
Valentine's Day is the first time.
Oh yeah, Valentine's Day is the first time we also had that in on Valentine's Day. Yeah, that's I get cute. So it's a special day.
But it's cute. But I swear I was like it's awesome.
You thought that's what he was going to say.
But it was out there. You heard it here. I'm Banking exclusive.
But Valentine's Day, a couple years later, was also the same day that she told me that we were gonna have baby Eden. So, it was a nice surprise. A cute. And then only did she not know that I joked around at dinner when she told me that she was pregnant. I'm like, "Great, I have 8 months to propose to you."
I said, "Don't you dare propose to me cuz I'm pregnant because I will tell you no."
But only did she know, I already had the proposal listed for that week. So, Tuesday was Valentine's Day and that Friday, I was already set and scheduled to propose.
Surprised him and he surprised me. I joke around and I'm like, "Great, I got to show you receipts." But she didn't understand what that meant until the day of I, you know, proposed to her, which was very hard to get her out the house because she was already not feeling well.
So, I had to lie and I told her we were going to an engagement party. She just didn't know it was hers.
And I got her.
She lied very well.
I got her.
She just didn't know it was hers. And I got her.
She lied very well.
I got her.
A lot of people don't know that I dedicated my vocal craft to doing wedding band gigs. I had this one band that I was part of for like seven and a half years, The Rhythm Shop. And so I know how special a first dance is. I know how special a wedding is. I know how special the bachelorette and the bridal showers and all that stuff is.
And so how he got me to do it was during COVID they had to cancel and postpone their event. So when they rescheduled for February 2021, he randomly asks me if I could sing At Last for his boy, cuz he's like, that was their favorite song and he wanted to surprise the bride to be.
So at this point it's no longer about me. It becomes about her and I was like, I was able to get hair and makeup team in. Yeah. So we did hair and makeup.
I was so nauseous. I was like, "Oh my god." Like literally on the way there, I must have yawned like 9,000 times. He's like, "Five, six, seven." And I'm like, "We just get there, you sing the song, and we leave."
And I said, "Okay." I actually said, "You promise?" And he was like, "Yes." I said, "Okay."
I'm like, "If you want to leave, you want to leave, we'll leave."
"Absolutely. Right."
So we get there and I remember seeing my comadre and his compadre walking up towards us. But he had mentioned that the girl was from Newark, so I figured, oh, my comadre knows her and that's how she's here.
We got there a little late because I decided to take a nap while I had hair and makeup. I wanted to take a nap and I took another nap. We had dinner reservations, fancy place.
And it wasn't me, it was the pregnancy.
You must have been going crazy.
Oh my god. He had to keep all his plans on there. I had to cancel the reservation. I told the chef, "Sorry, we're not going in." It's like, "Everything okay?" I'm like, "She's not feeling well."
Here I am having some tacos and drinking some champagne in the living room and I was texting Michael. I'm like, "She's sleeping. She wants to cancel the day."
I was like, "I'm not letting her, but we're going to make this happen."
So thankfully when we got there and I see my comadre coming towards me with the microphone—we got there late because of the snow.
That's another thing. Every time we plan something, something drastic happens. A heat wave, the coldest day, a blizzard—it's always happening.
Yo.
So my best friend is walking towards me with the microphone. We were late, so I'm like, "Hey girl." It didn’t even click.
I'm trying to go for the microphone so that they could start At Last.
And my comadre goes to give me the microphone. She goes, and I'm like, "Stop playing." Like in my head I'm like, "What are you doing?"
And then she gives Kelvin the microphone.
And I was just like, "What is happening here?"
And then I look and everybody's turned around. And when they turn around to me, they have the signs and I was like, "Oh my god." And I start crying like a baby.
But it was beautiful. He did such a great job. He's such a detailed person. Like he pays attention. If I say I like something today, in a year from now, he'll remember that I said that.
And so that's that, guys—you need to listen. You need to do better. I just think yeah.
And I don’t want to say that disrespectfully, but I think it's very important to show the woman that you're asking for their hand in marriage—make it special.
I thought so many different ways. I had that ring for so long and I contemplated and I changed and I had ideas.
And then I'm going to say this: who proposes and then leaves for three months? I do. You know, like that's the job that entails. Because it was a point where I didn’t want to leave her for three months after feeling something so special.
But then I was like, if it’s not going to happen at all, then I’m going to feel like, what if we get into a fight? And I’m going to be upset. I’m like, I’m not giving you this ring now, we’re going to wait another six months.
You know, little jokes like that come through and you think of it. But I’ve seen so many proposals and I just wanted to make it special.
I was going to propose on our fourth-year anniversary in Costa Rica.
It was just me—I thought he was gonna propose. I felt it in my core. Like I thought, "This is really weird. This is such a beautiful place."
Yeah, it was a photographer because she always says that. And this was my thought: she always says, "We don’t take any photos together when we’re dressed up."
So I was like, this would be my leeway. I’m like, "Hey, I hired a photographer. So now take as many pictures as you want."
Flowers came, beautiful roses. We had massages in the morning. We had a chef for the week.
And then I cancelled it because I saw something on Instagram while I had Costa Rica and the ring with me.
I cancelled it because I saw something on Instagram where someone proposed in front of their family. And I was like, "Wow, we are both so family oriented that I think sharing that moment with the ones that we love is a lot better than just me and her."
We’ll have plenty of times where we can have moments for just us, but I thought it was so special.
And then I had like a week to plan it, cuz I felt bad. I had her best friends in this group chat where I’m just like, "I can’t do it. I’m not going to do it."
"Oh my god."
And they’re like, "What do you mean?"
I’m like, "I’m going to do it on a different day, but I want everybody there. This is why."
And I sent them that video. They’re like, "Oh my god, this is perfect."
I was like, "All right, we’re going to pull it off."
And thanks to the help of all of her lovely ladies in her life, we were able to create a memorable night.
We interrupt our program to bring you this important message.
Ooh, this is really good. You should know about this.
So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been known to procrastinate, especially when things scare the hell out of me. The fear alone would have me stuck, overwhelmed, confused, and all types of self-doubt.
And don’t even get me started on the imposter syndrome. Okay. Okay.
After getting laid off, not once, but three times, honey. I realized that the security blanket that I made up in my head was just an excuse because I didn’t really want to bet on myself. The corporate benefits that had me in that headlock, girl—they went out the window once my job decided that they no longer needed me.
It turns out that they’ll save a whole nickel if they cut your salary completely.
The truth is, the only security blanket guarantee is the one that you create for yourself.
In other words, until you start a business, you will always be at the mercy of a company’s headcount, and you will never have complete control over your time—which means you’ll be renting out your thought leadership and helping build someone else’s dream instead of your own.
If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. Don’t you think it’s time you stop playing small and tap all the way into your powers?
Click on the link above or below this video to learn my three-step process. The exact three steps that I took to make the transition from corporate to entrepreneurship.
And this is helpful even if you don’t know what type of business to start and have only one source of income. And this is absolutely free. It is my gift to you.
I want you to win. It’s winning season. In fact—what’s that? It smells like winning season.
Okay. So tap in and I’ll see you inside the training. Let’s go.
Well, I think you have the skill set of paying attention to detail. Like as a chef, presentation is everything. And also having the right ingredients to make this meal.
It’s like the same thing—you had the right ingredients to make this “meal,” quote unquote, this engagement, this proposal.
And I think both of you are so professional in your own right—it shines through both personally and professionally.
And earlier when I was introducing you, Mamita, I forgot to say this and I was like, "Oh, wait, hold on." So, you mentioned how dance is so significant to you because you actually have training in dance and have been all over the U.S. and Europe, right? Featuring your skills on such projects as Hector Lavoe’s biopic El Cantante, which is like lit. Hello.
And you also create and produce your own shows such as your acclaimed burlesque performance FER.
I’m sure you got a lot of DMs after posting those videos, because honey, you make me feel like I need to go in the gym. I need to buy tassels. I need to do all the things to whip out.
For real, you be looking super fly.
Thank you, mommy.
So you guys are sharing such beautiful aspects of your relationship, but we all know that there are hard parts about relationships as well. So can you talk a little bit about some of the ugly parts when it comes to marriage, parenthood, doing life together?
Because in those moments, I feel like others can learn the best. And I’m sure—and assuming here—but that’s also where you both learn individually and as a team, as a couple.
So is there an example that you’re willing to share with us that would be beneficial?
I would say that marriage is so loaded, right?
Because in relationships before marriage—just getting to know one another, dating, something that’s not as serious as an engagement—and then the engagement period, there’s different phases to a relationship.
Marriage is loaded because you make a pact and a commitment, and you give each other your word.
And it’s like, when I decided to write my vows, it’s a forever thing. Like, you’re going to be stuck with me forever. Like forever, forever. Because I don’t want to…I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart.
And I would be the first person to say that we’re all human and nobody’s perfect. So if you’re looking for perfection and you don’t understand that a relationship takes compromise, and listening to people—but also listening to the unspoken language, to what’s not being said—that’s important.
So love languages make the world of a difference, right?
But in a union of marriage, I can’t tell you, "You know what? Forget it. We’re going to break up. I need a break. Bye." Or slam the door and not call you for two weeks.
You can’t do that. You have to fix the situation. You have to work through the problems. You have to have the uncomfortable conversations. You have to do the work that requires you to break the [__] down before you can build it back up.
It’s not as pretty or as happily-ever-after as Disney painted it out to be.
But the beauty of it not being so pretty is what makes it that much more grand. Because we’re humans and we make mistakes.
And I feel like he’s a reflection of me, and I’m a reflection of him. So if I screw up and he can’t forgive me, or he can’t see where I was coming from, then it’s like he won’t forgive himself.
So when I look at his errors or times where maybe I’ve dropped the ball or maybe he’s dropped the ball, I don’t want to be so cutthroat with him because I’m looking at my reflection.
And I want somebody to have compassion with me. I want somebody to teach me better or help me grow if I mess up or make a mistake.
It’s my job to make you a better person. Like, I wouldn’t want to make you a better person for the next chick. But it’s my job to bring out the absolute best in you—not only for me, but for you, for our child, for our union, our foundation.
So, it’s not as easy. I mean, it’s all cute and glam when everybody’s taking engagement pictures on the ’gram, going on honeymoons, doing the weddings and all that. But they’re not going to show you when it’s dark in the house. They’re not going to show you when la casita is crumbling or shaking up because the foundation might just break.
Um, there's times where people are like, you know, you guys are goals. You guys are goals. And I'm like, like that saying that they say, "Heavy is the head that holds the crown," and it's minute on my end, and I can only imagine the other people that we feel like, oh my god, they must be happily ever after. And it's like, well, we don't know what's going on over there either, right?
So I said that this year and moving forward, I wanted to be more transparent. I've always been very transparent with my audience, but I want to be a little bit more open and kind of like let them in just a little more because I want to show them that what we see on social platforms a lot of the time is what we want you to perceive of us, right? It's the good, the glam, the glory, not the tears, the dark, and the other side.
So it's loaded, but it's totally doable. And then people don't speak about how a child—it's not ugly—but changes the dynamic of a relationship, whether it's married or not. Like a child is going to change the foundation no matter what because it no longer is about you and I. It's no longer us being spontaneous and, "Oh, we want to go to Egypt tomorrow. Let's go. Boom boom boom." We can still do it because the baby has a passport and he's already been to Paris and he's only two.
Yeah, he's already been to Paris and he's only two. But that's to show you, like, you know, it's a lot. It's a lot. But it's more beautiful than the sleepless nights. It's more beautiful than when they have a fever and are throwing up and they don't feel well and you haven't slept in a couple days because they're not doing well.
You just really have to—you can't have children with everyone. That's one. I think I'm happy that I started late in life. I waited, I traveled, I toured, I did everything I wanted to do, and then I got pregnant at 35. And if I could do it again, I probably would get pregnant at 33 just so I could have another one before 40.
That's the number one question: Where's the next? When's the next one? I know. It's like everyone always applies this pressure. First like, "Where's your boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend yet?" And then you get a boyfriend. It's like, don't even get me started. "Oh well, when are you guys getting married?" And then you get married. "Oh, but where's the kids? What's happening next?" It's like all this pressure.
So, Kelvin, did you ever have to battle through some machismo? Because let's—you are Dominican. No shade.
No, no, no. I think, you know, life is surrounded by that. Even for multiple different examples, like me getting into the culinary industry, it was a taboo because, you know, growing up in a Dominican household, cooking was for girls. That's the mentality that I had, you know. And it wasn't until I started working in restaurants and seeing that behind the scenes it was predominantly male oriented, and I'm like, "Where was this growing up?"
Even though my dad's a chef, my mom was an incredible cook. She's in hospitality, and it's like hospitality was in the blood, but my dad didn't want me to pursue this career when I was young. He's like, "Go focus on, you know, having girlfriends. Go do good in school. Go play sports." And I'm like, "I'm doing all that, but I also have an interest in this now."
It wasn't until I was like, I think 21, 22, where he was like, "All right, this is what you want to do. Let's push as best as possible."
When you became known as the youngest chef in America…
And it wasn't until 21–22 that I did the musical Celia Cruz that my mom understood, "Oh, she's supposed to be on stage." It wasn't until she saw that whole audience captivated that she believed. Like, they always pushed me to do, to do, to do. But after a certain age, she was like, "You know, I don't think the dancing is it anymore. I think you should go back to school."
So I decided to go back to school for music and education. And on the first day of college full-time, Maria Torres calls me to see if I could come in and help her style and choreograph Celia Cruz the musical. And I was like, "What? God, why’d you do…?" But I did both. I literally did both things.
And so that's to show you, sometimes you got to see it to believe it, even if it's your parent. With our parents, I always joke around—I think especially being Latino, you know, and growing up in that household environment. I say it's always harder to convince your parents that you're going away somewhere without them. Like I remember being 17 and winning a scholarship and I'm like, "Hey, I got to go to France. You can't come. It's just the class and the chaperones."
Yeah, the chaperones. And I was always joking around. I was like, try telling your parents that you're going somewhere for two weeks across the world without them. That was the harder challenge than me actually doing it.
I brought my mom to the first House of Congress I ever went to in Los Angeles. And I remember it was like a Memorial weekend, and it was from Thursday to Sunday. Nothing but dance from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. in the morning. And when she saw that, that's when she was like, "All right, where are you guys going? We're going to Czech Republic. Where are you guys going? Australia. Where are you guys going? Oh my god. Cuba."
She had to go to the first one to understand like there is no time for anything else here. It's nothing but dance. You're consumed in the world. And she was like, "All right." She saw that there were other people my age. She saw that it was wholesome and kind of like, right? Right.
But same, like, all over the world without my mom. Like, "Bye, mom. Where you at? London. Bye." You know?
So yeah. I remember my first international trip was Italy when I was in college. And my dad still to this day has just got his passport. Well, my mom—I just gave her their application two weeks ago. Yeah. So I took him to Mexico for his 80th birthday. I was like, "Let's start getting you out of the country."
Kelvin, my question was targeted when I said machismo because I wanted to know if that came up in the relationship, right? Like, you know, because Latino men—there's this stigma that they carry this machismo, etc. So do you find that coming up in the relationship? Did it ever come up?
No, I think the most important thing about our relationship is that there's balance. You know, and there wasn't like a way. I think I've always been, especially growing up with my parents, I was always taught to be the provider, taught to be the nurturer. But there are times where I need that, to make me feel complete, and that's where she comes in as a partner.
I think being grateful for her as a partner makes me a better person, a better human being, a better dad. Like she said it best—you can't choose just anyone to have a child with. And this is my second go at being a dad. I have a beautiful 14-year-old that lives in LA, but I didn't get the chance to raise him. I was there financially for him, I was there thankfully with work and being out there every three months or so and being able to see him grow.
So having the opportunity to be a father and really do this full-time again, I'm so grateful because I'm in love with being a father, being a husband, being a parent, being in a family. There's a beautiful soft side that Edom brings out of him. He's always been super mellow to be a Leo. It's like—and he's a fire sign—so it's kind of like I got to figure out what your moon and stuff is.
I've always been calm just in the kitchen because we're both Leos, but I feel like he is a little calmer than I, and we're just a couple days apart.
I'm a lot calmer than she is. He's never been the type to tell me like, "Oh, you can't wear that or you look too sexy." He's never. I embrace it because I know if she's a beautiful woman and I see her that she's beautiful, I know—I don't even care—but I know that there's thousands of guys slipping in her DM and telling her how beautiful she is. I just got to make sure that I'm the first one and I'm the last one to tell her every single day so she knows that I still love her and I still think that she's beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. And I'm not the super jealous type, but there are times where she walks out and I'm like, "Shit, I'm not going to be with you tonight. I'm a little jealous." That's the only time I get a little jealous.
"Come back. You went to the gym like that?" "No, I took a shower and I just changed. I just put gym clothes on again."
But no. Oh my goodness.
Okay. So before we get into the Talk That Talk segment, I have to know what it's like working with JLo. I have to know.
I think it brings out the inspiring person in me. You know, I think when you work with someone that's elite, just being in their presence—there's a special aura about it.
And, uh, you feel like you haven't done anything in life. You haven't done, even with the accolades that I have, I'm like, I want more. I want to do more. I just want to make more people proud. I want to feel like I'm representing the culture the way I'm supposed to. And I know I'm doing a lot of those things, but it just inspires you to be a different animal, and in the best way possible.
I'm going to be the very best person that I can be and continue to inspire people in so many ways because I always think about, for me in life, I want to learn something new every single day. And if I don't learn something, whether it's a new word—I joke around every day of the day, yeah, I get an email every day about a new word of the day. And I always share it with her when it's something that I've never heard of. I'm like, "Today's word of the day is…" But I always think it's very important to never stop learning.
Especially in your craft. Which is why I love cooking so much because if you get tired of one cuisine, there's a million more that I can jump in and try and learn new things. So, it's just one of the best feelings in the world and I have so many amazing memories.
And the best, to this day, and I've told her many times, is Thanksgiving, cooking side by side with her. And it's like having no sous chef, but Jennifer Lopez is my sous chef today. Amazing. One of the coolest moments. She's so inspiring. And I think nobody can outwork her and she literally makes me want to work harder. She literally makes me want to dib and dab. She's been like an idol in the sense of a career to emulate.
I remember one time, they interviewed me and they were like, "If you could take anyone's job, not in a cutthroat kind of way, but if you could just replace yourself with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?" I didn’t even let them finish. And the person was like, "Oh." And I said, "Jennifer Lopez."
Because not only was she an entrepreneur from the beginning—cuz from her very early starts, she started with the acting, but before the acting, she was dancing, which is like me. And then she did the singing. I'm like, "Okay, that's like me, too." And then she does the entrepreneurial stuff with her makeup, her perfume line, and then her clothing line.
So I'm like, "This woman, this is me, like high school, growing up, 20s. I'm like, this woman does absolutely whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Can't nobody put her in a box. And I'm like, and she's Puerto Rican from the Bronx." Like, finally seeing myself there, finally seeing somebody that looked like us up there.
And so I had the honor of working with her during El Cantante. That's something that I'll forever hold in my heart. I was a principal dancer in that film. And my dance partner at the time for that film was, rest in peace, the legendary Hinton Battle. Hinton Battle was one of the first people to take Jennifer international to Japan after high school with her dancing stuff, right before In Living Color.
So every time that Leon Ichaso, the director of El Cantante—may he rest in peace—would say "cut" or "hold" or whatever, Jennifer would come to us. It was really to Hinton, because that was her mentor, dance teacher, friend. But because I was his partner, then she was coming to us. So, we shared a lot of little moments.
Especially the house party where Leon chose me and another girl to greet her every time she came in. That was cut in the editing room, but we literally kissed and hugged like 12 times and they filmed it from all different angles. And then I was her shadow, so technically the camera was over me and if I moved like this, then she was doing it. So I was basically just giving her what to do, choreography-wise, from rehearsals—since she didn’t make the rehearsals.
Though I didn’t have to give her anything, cuz it's JLo, you know she knows what she’s doing. But it was so cool. And I remember the house party, she looked at the floor—she’s another Leo—and she was like, "I'm sorry, but what house party you go to and the floor is like clean-clean?" So she came and threw some chips on the floor. And I was like, "Right!" So it was a cute little moment.
Later on, I’ve had the pleasure of spending the holidays with Kelvin, being invited over there, and also having access to her private listening party which was so inspiring. I really wanted her to come out with another album and the fact that she took so long to do it, and then she did it, and I got to hear it before everybody else—I was like yes! So the little girl fangirl in me is so pro her.
And so I kind of feel like whenever he's like, "Well I got to go with Jennifer for the holidays," I'm like, it's okay. She's the only one I'll share you with. That's Medina, that’s Mina JLo. But I love that. What a fun relationship, right? Like you get to spend the holidays with JLo—the executive chef of it. Like, what, you want more about Jinger? Only if it's juicy.
And, uh, you feel like you haven't done anything in life. You haven't done, even with the accolades that I have, I'm like, I want more. I want to do more. I just want to make more people proud. I want to feel like I'm representing the culture the way I'm supposed to. And I know I'm doing a lot of those things, but it just inspires you to be a different animal, and in the best way possible.
I'm going to be the very best person that I can be and continue to inspire people in so many ways because I always think about, for me in life, I want to learn something new every single day. And if I don't learn something, whether it's a new word—I joke around every day of the day, yeah, I get an email every day about a new word of the day. And I always share it with her when it's something that I've never heard of. I'm like, "Today's word of the day is…" But I always think it's very important to never stop learning.
Especially in your craft. Which is why I love cooking so much because if you get tired of one cuisine, there's a million more that I can jump in and try and learn new things. So, it's just one of the best feelings in the world and I have so many amazing memories.
And the best, to this day, and I've told her many times, is Thanksgiving, cooking side by side with her. And it's like having no sous chef, but Jennifer Lopez is my sous chef today. Amazing. One of the coolest moments. She's so inspiring. And I think nobody can outwork her and she literally makes me want to work harder. She literally makes me want to dib and dab. She's been like an idol in the sense of a career to emulate.
I remember one time, they interviewed me and they were like, "If you could take anyone's job, not in a cutthroat kind of way, but if you could just replace yourself with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?" I didn’t even let them finish. And the person was like, "Oh." And I said, "Jennifer Lopez."
Because not only was she an entrepreneur from the beginning—cuz from her very early starts, she started with the acting, but before the acting, she was dancing, which is like me. And then she did the singing. I'm like, "Okay, that's like me, too." And then she does the entrepreneurial stuff with her makeup, her perfume line, and then her clothing line.
So I'm like, "This woman, this is me, like high school, growing up, 20s. I'm like, this woman does absolutely whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Can't nobody put her in a box. And I'm like, and she's Puerto Rican from the Bronx." Like, finally seeing myself there, finally seeing somebody that looked like us up there.
And so I had the honor of working with her during El Cantante. That's something that I'll forever hold in my heart. I was a principal dancer in that film. And my dance partner at the time for that film was, rest in peace, the legendary Hinton Battle. Hinton Battle was one of the first people to take Jennifer international to Japan after high school with her dancing stuff, right before In Living Color.
So every time that Leon Ichaso, the director of El Cantante—may he rest in peace—would say "cut" or "hold" or whatever, Jennifer would come to us. It was really to Hinton, because that was her mentor, dance teacher, friend. But because I was his partner, then she was coming to us. So, we shared a lot of little moments.
Especially the house party where Leon chose me and another girl to greet her every time she came in. That was cut in the editing room, but we literally kissed and hugged like 12 times and they filmed it from all different angles. And then I was her shadow, so technically the camera was over me and if I moved like this, then she was doing it. So I was basically just giving her what to do, choreography-wise, from rehearsals—since she didn’t make the rehearsals.
Though I didn’t have to give her anything, cuz it's JLo, you know she knows what she’s doing. But it was so cool. And I remember the house party, she looked at the floor—she’s another Leo—and she was like, "I'm sorry, but what house party you go to and the floor is like clean-clean?" So she came and threw some chips on the floor. And I was like, "Right!" So it was a cute little moment.
Later on, I’ve had the pleasure of spending the holidays with Kelvin, being invited over there, and also having access to her private listening party which was so inspiring. I really wanted her to come out with another album and the fact that she took so long to do it, and then she did it, and I got to hear it before everybody else—I was like yes! So the little girl fangirl in me is so pro her.
And so I kind of feel like whenever he's like, "Well I got to go with Jennifer for the holidays," I'm like, it's okay. She's the only one I'll share you with. That's Medina, that’s Mina JLo. But I love that. What a fun relationship, right? Like you get to spend the holidays with JLo—the executive chef of it. Like, what, you want more about Jinger? Only if it's juicy.
I had a moment where I almost cried for real, like right before I left to Miami, because he knows I swore that background vocals—I was like, I have to stop confusing the universe. And I am, you know, I'm a star and I am working on my project and it has to come out. And the universe tested me to see if that's what I really wanted, and that if I was being a woman of my word and I was going to stick to what I said I wanted, right?
And so, a day before leaving to Miami, I get the call—not even through Jennifer's camp, through SNL's camp. They needed a background vocalist for Jennifer for Saturday Night Live. And with the heaviest heart, I had to say no because I had to choose me, my project, everything that I have going on this year, all the people that I respect, that have given me their time, that have scheduled me in.
So that's where professionalism also comes in—when you really start to respect everyone's time on the team, not just yours. Like when we think of what Kelvin and Kelvin's Kitchen is, yes, Kelvin is the face and he is the head honcho of it all, and he is the mastermind. But there's a lot of other people that make him so very powerful. Same with me.
And the more he gets into his restaurant thing and the more I get into my album, we understand that other people are going to come into the picture. But it was a moment that I wanted so bad. The little girl in me was like, "No, I could only imagine. You could do both. Everything is possible."
But then the adult me was like, "Cha, you've had your time with her. You're within the two degrees of separation. Calm down, let go, let God, and the universe will take care of it. Not only that, but you're not a background singer no more, baby. You’re in the front." So, no. Sorry. I'm in the front.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Okay, so let's get into the Talk That Talk segment.
We interrupt our program to bring you this important message. Ooh, this is really good. You should know about this.
So, I don't know about you, but I've been known to procrastinate, especially when things scare the hell out of me. The fear alone would have me stuck, overwhelmed, confused, and all types of self-doubt. And don't even get me started on the imposter syndrome.
After getting laid off, not once, but three times, honey, I realized that the security blanket that I made up in my head was just an excuse because I didn't really want to bet on myself. The corporate benefits that had me in that headlock, girl—they went out the window once my job decided that they no longer needed me.
It turns out that they'll save a whole nickel if they cut your salary completely. The truth is, the only security blanket guarantee is the one that you create for yourself. In other words, until you start a business, you will always be at the mercy of a company's headcount, and you will never have complete control over your time.
Which means you'll be renting out your thought leadership and helping build someone else's dream instead of your own.
If you've been waiting for a sign, this is it. Don't you think it's time you stop playing small and tap all the way into your power? Click on the link above or below this video to learn my three-step process, the exact three steps that I took to make the transition from corporate to entrepreneurship.
And this is helpful even if you don't know what type of business to start and have only one source of income. And this is absolutely free—it is my gift to you. I want you to win. It's winning season. In fact, what's that? It smells like winning season. Okay, so tap in and I'll see you inside the training. Let's go.
And this is something where I love to address something taboo in the community. And I know Chachi, you've been vocal about your postpartum experience and mental health. And I would love to hear from Kelvin what that experience was like for you, because when women go through these experiences, we tend to focus on catering to the woman.
It's like, "Okay, mama, are you all right? Can I do anything for you? How can I help you get through this?" And we tend to push the dudes to the side, like, "You're not important. You didn't carry this baby. You didn't give birth to this baby. You're not experiencing the same emotions that I'm experiencing."
So, Chachi, maybe we start with you explaining what was the experience, and then I would love to hear from you, Kelvin, how you managed that as her partner.
I don't think I ever like didn't want anything to do with him or didn't—like some women get pregnant and they don't want their partner, they just want them gone. I was very much in love throughout my whole pregnancy, very much in the bliss of it all.
It was after the baby—the intrusive thoughts, the inner turmoil, the fear of something new. I have an incredible support system and I have a tribe that is elite. And Kelvin was… Kelvin, like literally he is the epitome of what I would say like a father figure because from the moment Eden was born, he has not dropped the ball when it comes to Eden. He has been so on point, without anyone having to tell him anything or having to guide him. It came natural to him.
I did have a C-section so I was a little uncomfortable. I was not feeling myself. I gained so much weight after because of complications, I was retaining so much water, and I was swollen for over three weeks. And then think of having a C-section and having to take care of somebody and breastfeeding and milk not producing. There were just so many things happening.
I know there was a silver lining in there somewhere, which is my son. That was the most beautiful thing that came out of the whole thing. But it's a dark and scary place. The best way I could describe it for a while was—it’s so weird. I didn't want to tap into all the ugly layers of it. But I'm happy I didn't get it as bad as other people. I'm happy that after two years I finally feel like myself.
I've spoken to people who said that after four years they finally felt like themselves. So I feel like at least it only took me two years to kind of snap back—not necessarily snap back in my figure, but mentally snap back into reminding myself who I am. That yes, I am a woman before anything. But I am also me before I am a mother, before I am an artist, before I am anything else to anyone else.
And so, I don't think I ever made you feel that way. And if I did, I apologize.
The hardest thing for us was going through the motions of training and practicing for natural birth and doing everything right on our ends, and then that curveball being thrown at us that made the labor process very difficult. You're already on 36 hours no sleep, seeing her in pain and in agony. I just wanted the pain to stop.
When Eden was here, of course it was an adjustment. You're never ready. People say, "I'm not ready for this," but you’ll never be. You just have to put yourself in that situation and let everything work out. There's no wrong way of doing it.
I always said this to her when we were with the baby: the best thing that ever happened was our house not being ready. We purchased a home and were doing construction, so we stayed at her grandmother's house for about four months. At first I thought, "[__] how am I going to do this when Eden was born?" But it was the best thing that happened because everything we needed was at her grandmother's house.
They already had a system set up where everyone came to visit grandma—her tribe of amazing daughters came religiously Monday through Friday to spend time with her. So imagine if we were there with the baby. It was just, "Okay, we can sleep for an hour. Okay, you can shower."
Between me and my wife, we were in a great place. Even if she was going through emotions, she never put it on me. But there were times where I would notice. And there was nothing I could do. No meal would make her happier. That’s me—I want to fill your soul, make sure you’re happy, give you time alone, let you sleep a little extra.
And I'm still learning as well. I'm a new dad. I'm a father of two, but I didn’t get to raise my first child the way I wanted. I missed those big opportunities, the first steps, and so on. So for this, I made sure to say no to every gig outside of New York if I wasn’t coming back home to my family. This was more important, especially in the beginning.
So, Chachi, what were the emotions that you were experiencing?
Okay, I'm going to try to describe this. It felt like I was so happy that I had this baby in my hands and that he was healthy and I was okay. Because when you give birth, that's like a borderline death situation—real talk. You could hemorrhage, you could bleed out. Especially a C-section, there are so many complications.
I was always grateful that we were both okay. But in the beauty of having the baby, the support system, seeing him be a father—I felt like my relationship with my fiancé, with my soon-to-be husband, though it was growing here, it was deteriorating there. Nothing was wrong, but then everything was wrong.
I could literally be happy, cracking up, and then all of a sudden have intrusive thoughts—falling down the stairs with the baby, accidentally hurting the baby, sleeping on top of the baby and suffocating him. Dark thoughts.
And I'm so spiritual and connected with God and light that I didn’t know where this was coming from, and I couldn’t control it. It had control over me.
Though things were fine with Eden and us at grandma’s house, at the same time something was happening to the relationship. In my heart and my mind, things were deteriorating with Kelvin.
Everyone was like, "Oh my god, you guys have such a great…" and that put more pressure on me. Because I was like, "Why am I feeling like this? Nobody knows where I'm living. Nobody knows what's in my head. Nobody knows my heart." The thoughts were so cluttered I just needed to separate and be quiet to tap back in.
So that's why I say that a child does do something to a relationship. Sometimes relationships are already messed up before the children come, but in our case, it created doubts. There were times I wasn’t sure if Kelvin and I were going to work. I wasn’t sure if we were going to move forward. And at the same time, I was having the best year of my life.
Yes, and we don’t talk about this in the community—postpartum, mental health.
So Kelvin, as a partner, seeing your boo thing going through this, there’s literally nothing you can do. You can nurture, you can be supportive, but it’s something internal. Did that mess with your mental health?
It was more of—I just wanted to see her happy. That’s always the question. Even if it’s not with me, I want her to be happy.
We got to a point where I had to listen. I had to be a better listener, learn from my mistakes, and not just say things but act on them. Being a better husband, better provider, better person. Even if I was doing everything right, I’d still wonder—am I doing enough? Am I focusing on the most important thing, which is my family?
At the end of the day, the most important thing is building my foundation—my home, my wife, my son—and making sure I’m the best example for him. He sees us every day. That’s why we never disrespect each other or raise our voices in front of him.
Even if we had the worst day, when he looks up, smiles, and says “dad,” it changes everything.
It’s at such a better place now because we had those tough conversations. I’ve learned that with someone like my wife, who loves to talk and won’t let things be swept under the rug, that’s better. I’m not confrontational—I usually shut down—but I’ve had to learn to stay in it and communicate.
Even in my work, if I disappoint someone, I shut down and think, “Why did I mess that up?” But in marriage, I can’t do that. If she’s not doing well, I’m not doing well. Even if I’m the reason, I feel it. If I hurt my partner, I carry that all day.
Wow. Thank you for being so candid and transparent. We need more examples like this in the community, talking about mental health, growth as individuals and as partners.
It’s symbolic having you both here. I was intentional about inviting Lachi and Kelvin Fernandez to exemplify Latino love, artistry, entrepreneurship, soulfulness, and beauty in how you represent our cultura.
Thank you so much for being on the show.
Before we wrap, I have to tell you something.
What? Tell me.
So, yesterday he asked me—because I’m picky about who I give interviews to—"Why this podcast? Why Victoria?" And I told him: she doesn’t know this, but during the pandemic, she posted a picture of you and I, maybe a carousel of photos.
It was the center of the pandemic, a dark moment. Nobody knew what was happening. I thought, “Lord knows we’re probably all going to die.” And I looked at my life like, “If I never get to do this again, at least I did it.”
But then I got into a depressed mode. And your post came at the right time. It reminded me, “Please don’t forget who the [__] you are.”
So I wanted to thank you publicly because I never thanked you for that moment. It gave me the shift I needed.
Sometimes we don’t realize how powerful something as simple as saying, “You’re doing great,” can be. You don’t know what people are going through. Be the light. If you can’t find the light, be the light for someone else.
I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that.
I love you too, boo boo.
I love you too. Thank you for having us.
I got to see her in her element—we met in Puerto Rico. She was on stage killing it. She looked fine, her dance moves, everything. I remember running up to her after and she was so welcoming. That’s it. Chachi’s my boo.
Thank you so much for sharing. You are also a light, even when you don’t feel like it.
So, tell the people one last time where they can find you.
You can find all my music on all music platforms as Gel Devaj, and my favorite platform, Instagram, @ChachiNation.
Kelvin, where can people find you?
You can find me on all social platforms as Chef Kelvin—C H E F K E L V I N. You can look at me very soon on your TV, most likely your favorite food channel. And hopefully, by the end of this year, I’ll have locations where you can actually come and have my food.
I’ll be one of your first customers.
Thank you guys so much again.
Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed that. I’ll see you on the next episode. Bye.
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